


The Thing to Fill the Void

by Willowe



Series: Romance is Boring [5]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (including internalized arophobia), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aromantic Tony Stark, Communication Failure, F/F, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Other: See Story Notes, Relationship Negotiation, Time Skips, arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-16 02:03:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 61,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11244048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowe/pseuds/Willowe
Summary: Six years ago, Tony learned about aromantic identities after nearly firing Pepper for an accidental declaration of love. It's the sort of story that you laugh at after the fact. Very, very far after the fact.Five years ago Tony, Rhodey, and Pepper fall into a non-romantic poly-something open relationship... thing. They aren't "dating" because Tony refuses to use that word, but they are together. Everyone agrees it's about damn time, too.Now, they should be old pros at making this thing work. But a new relationship prospect for Pepper hits Tony harder than he thought, leaving him with doubt about the viability of their relationship and his aromanticism itself. He's sure, one day, they'll laugh about this too. As long as they make it through it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story follows two different timelines. The first takes place +/- five years in the past and is the story of how Tony, Pepper, and Rhodey got together. The second takes place about two months after the events of "Some Things You'll Do" and you'll probably want to read that one first to fully understand some of the background plot points that happen. I have done my best to label the beginning of each new scene with it's proper position in the timeline, but in general they follow a "now > then > now > then" progression.
> 
> There are several OC's in this story, most only mentioned in passing, although the epilogue is from the POV of an OC. 
> 
> There is a breakdown of communication between Tony and Pepper in this story. It is not malicious and mostly not intentional, but emotions do run high on both sides. **No cheating occurs in this story** given the rules of the relationship between Tony/Pepper/Rhodey however there are dates (but no sex) between Pepper and another character. Neither Tony nor Rhodey consider this to be cheating, there are no fears that Pepper has cheated, and it does get discussed in detail and at length eventually. However if communication problems are an issue for you, or if you have a sensitive threshold for emotional cheating (although that is not what occurs in this story), please read with caution. 
> 
> Additional tags for mentions of grey-aro and transgender Clint Barton, brief moments of characters coming out that are not the main focus of the plot, and references to a horrifically amusing comic plotline where Steve fights against and gets turned into a werewolf. 
> 
> There are also two extremely subtle references to things that were said in "Everybody Wants to Fall in Love (But Not Me)". If anyone manages to pick up on one of them, I'll write a Romance is Boring prompt of your choice!
> 
> Finally, the absolutely _amazing_ aesthetic board for this story was created by thePoisonedYouth over on the NaNoWriMo forums. I am still in awe of their work and don't have the words to express my gratitude for making this!
> 
> Title from "Sleeping with a Friend" by Neon Trees. This story is complete and will be updated Wednesday and Friday of this week!

  


**Part One**

**Now - May 2015 - Thursday**

“You promised the Board that you’d have a working prototype ready by tomorrow-”

“I’m busy, Pepper, I don’t have time for this-”

“Then make time- Tony Stark, don’t you dare walk away from me!”

Tony grits his teeth and reminds himself that he’s not angry with Pepper. He’s angry that he had to make this prototype generator in the first place, he’s angry that Malibu R&D is still giving him problems, he’s angry that the LC Tech acquisition is taking so long to finalize… He has a meeting with Steve about Avengers business that he’s already late for, and he’s angry that he’s somehow ended up in yet another fight with Pepper when he shouldn’t even be on the SI floors right now in the first place. 

“Pepper, please, all I’m asking is for you to stall the Board for a few more days.” It takes a real, physical effort to keep his words even but there’s no way to actually feign calmness at this point. “I have more work on my plate than I can finish in a _month_ , let alone the three days I actually have to complete it all.”

“You’ve known about this deadline for _six weeks_ , Tony!” Pepper is clearly at her wit’s end and Tony can’t even blame her for that. Without this prototype the Board is going to push for arc reactor development again and neither of them want to fight that particular battle right now. But that doesn’t change the fact that there just hasn’t been enough time in Tony’s schedule to finish all of the projects that have been piling up over the last few months. 

“Yeah, and since that deadline was set everything with that Malibu branch of R&D has gone to shit and I’ve had to drop everything to put out that fire!” Tony snaps. “Not to mention redesign the Quinjet for the team and rebuild not one but _three_ Iron Man armors because they keep getting destroyed faster than I can repair them!”

His patience isn’t worn thing, it’s completely _gone._ And that’s not Pepper’s fault, not really, but she’s here and she’s _nagging_ him about things that he already knows are problems, and that’s unfortunately enough for her to end up in his line of fire today. 

“And on top of all of that Steve’s decided to move his new recruit into the Tower which means I not only have to coordinate refurbishing and redecorating yet another set of rooms, but I’m now in charge of updates for an extra set of equipment as well! And let’s not forget that’s all in addition to the missions, the debriefings, the training, the Stark Industries meetings and charity events and galas- of which I haven’t missed _one_ in the last month, thank you very much- so please, Pepper, all I am asking is for a few days more on a single project.” He fixes her with a pleading look. “Please, Pep. I just need you to have my back on this.”

Pepper is standing there, lips pursed and the gears clearly turning in her head, and there’s a moment where Tony is actually hopeful that she’ll see reason and give in. But that hope is quickly crushed when she sighs and says, “Tony, if the Avengers are taking up too much of your time…”

“They’re not,” Tony says, immediately on the defensive. 

“You just said it yourself, you have a dozen projects for the team that you’re trying to work on-”

“And there’s just as many projects that I have to salvage from the idiots in R&D because you won’t let me just replace them all-”

“You can’t fire an entire department because you get frustrated with them!” Pepper snaps. “Not everyone is capable of keeping up with you, Tony! I thought you were used to that by now!”

“There’s a difference between _not as smart as me_ and _too stupid to manage a basic engineering task_! And if you won’t see the difference between that, then you just have to get used to me pushing back deadlines when I have to swoop in and fix their mistakes!” Tony snaps back. It’s lucky they’re in Pepper’s office, although right now even that is feeling too public for this fight. “I don’t know what else you want me to do here, Pepper, because I am trying-”

“I want you to keep to your deadlines, that’s all I’m asking!”

“I am trying!” Tony’s shout is loud enough to get the attention of Pepper’s assistant on the other side of the glass walls of her office. It takes far more effort than it should for Tony to bring his voice back under control. 

“Pepper, please. I’m trying here, I really am. I’ve pulled back from the Avengers bureaucracy as much as I can, and probably more than I should considering I’m the main financial backer and technically second-in-command. Once Wilson is settled in and I can check over his gear he can take over aerial support on missions so Iron Man won’t be needed for most smaller matters. I’ve prioritized Stark Industries work wherever I can and you can’t cut me a little slack just this once? Really?”

"And if it's not just this once, Tony?" Pepper asks. "This isn't the first time this has happened. You miss a deadline but it's “just one deadline”, and then you start missing board meetings and getting wrapped up in your projects down in your workshop and the next thing I know you're destroying half your house at a birthday party-"

Tony’s anger disappears almost immediately, replaced with a wave of hurt at Pepper’s words. He draws in a slow breath and says, “Fuck you. I was dying. You don’t get to throw that in my face.”

Pepper’s face is stricken and she quickly tries to backpedal. “Tony I didn’t mean- I know that, I know you were- I didn’t-”

“You’ll get the prototype from me as soon as it’s done,” Tony says, his back already turned to Pepper as he walks towards her office door. “I’ll have JARVIS keep you apprised of my timeline.”

“Tony, wait-”

But Tony is already gone, storming out of the office and stalking down the hall before anyone has a chance of stopping him. His stomach is twisted into knots and he wants- god, he wants a _drink_. But drinking now would just be proving Pepper’s point right, proving that he can’t break out of the spiral of going above-and-beyond for the company, only to push himself too far and have all his work come crashing down on top of him. 

_Pepper didn’t mean it like that_ , he reminds himself, but the words don’t do nearly enough to help him forget about the need for alcohol thrumming through his body. 

(It’s worse, he knows, because _The Anniversary_ has just come and gone and it would be so, _so_ easy to drink himself into another stupor like that…)

No, Tony’s a different person now and so is Pepper. They’ve talked about that, about the months leading up to the Expo and everything that happened, and came out the other side with Rhodey and whatever relationship the three of them have fallen into together. It’s just that recently…

Tony sighs. He told Rhodey, the last time he visited, that the latest acquisition was running both of them ragged… but either this is the most stressful business deal of all time or something else is going on. And Tony is too deep in the middle of it all to tell anymore. He just knows that, last fall after he came out, everything was _great_. Pepper was more relaxed around the team, knowing that she didn’t have to hide her relationship anymore. But since the start of the year she’s barely been at the Tower and they’ve been fighting more and more frequently. 

“It’s fine. It doesn’t mean anything,” Tony mutters to himself as he reaches the elevator and JARVIS automatically sends it up to the Avengers floors. He still has that meeting with Steve to get through before he can even think of getting back to work on the generator prototype, after all. 

Tony sighs and lets his head fall back against the wall of the elevator. It’s just always been easier to deal with fights with Pepper when they had the time to sit down and talk things through calmly later. At least tomorrow was Friday, and he’s had a standing non-work “appointment” with Pepper (and Rhodey, when he’s close enough to fly in) on his schedule for years. They’d work this out then. They had to. 

The elevator finally stops and Tony is bolting out of it before the doors even fully open. Steve is waiting for him in an otherwise empty conference room- and why they had to make this so official by holding it here instead of, oh, _literally anywhere else_ , Tony has no idea. But it certainly does nothing to disguise his noticeably late arrival. 

“Sorry, sorry, I know I’m fucking ridiculously late, can we save the shouting for another time and just get this meeting over with?” Tony asks as he throws himself down into a chair across from Steve. “I’ve already fought with Pepper once today and with the way my life has been going I’m probably going to fight with her again-”

“Tony, calm down, take a breath,” Steve says and he actually looks almost amused, the bastard. “JARVIS told me you were running late. I’d ask if everything was okay, but…” He grins, “…clearly it’s not. If you want to reschedule this-”

“Steve, no offense, but I literally have no time in my calendar to reschedule this meeting.” Tony sighs in frustration. “Either this is happening now or it’s not happening at all.”

“Fair enough,” Steve says. “We’ll keep this short then, so you can get back to… well, whatever Ms. Potts was yelling at you about.”

“That would be appreciated,” Tony says dryly and Steve laughs. _Bastard_. 

“I need a timeline on when you’re going to be able to look at Sam’s gear,” Steve says, immediately back to business. “He works well with the team and he was a huge asset at that HYDRA base in Maine, but if you have concerns about the wings…”

“I just think there’s room for some significant improvement, if he’ll let me mess around with them,” Tony cuts in. “It’s not that I think he can’t use his current equipment on missions, because clearly he’s been doing okay so far, but from what I’ve seen in the specs I’m not comfortable with the risk factor of carrying around jet fuel the way he does. One wrong hit during a battle-”

“I’m not arguing with you on that point, and neither is Sam,” Steve says. “Just looking for an estimate of when you can take a look at the wings and make adjustments.”

Tony sighs again and pulls out his phone to scroll through his calendar. Missing that deadline for the Stark Industries prototype royally fucked his schedule for the next week, at least. “I can look at them next Tuesday, provided you’re okay with the Quinjet rebuild getting pushed back and assuming Wilson is still planning on coming up here this weekend to give input to the remodel for his rooms.”

Steve frowns and Tony braces himself for the other man to push the issue, but to his surprise Steve finally nods. “Alright. We shouldn’t need the Quinjet for the next few weeks, and the current model will work fine in an emergency.”

The relief Tony feels is a physical thing, some of the tension immediately leaving his body as Steve lets the issue drop without a fight. “Okay. Awesome. That’s- that’s awesome.” He clears his throat, aware that he’s babbling a little, and asks, “Anything to else to discuss?” Tony prays that Steve doesn’t want to ask questions about the Find-A-Bucky program he built. He doesn’t regret giving Steve that tool, not at all, but he really doesn’t think he can handle talking about Barnes today, no matter how tangentially.

“We’ve been getting some strange reports coming out of western Massachusetts, and I think we need to send someone to investigate,” Steve says instead. “I wanted your input because- JARVIS, can you pull up-?” A holographic map of the area where the reports were originating appears over the table. 

Tony sees the problem immediately. “Quinjet is too big to send in for a recon mission, we’d be spotted immediately.”

“So we either send Clint or Natasha up north with a car, or…”

“Or I fly up to check it out,” Tony cuts in. 

“We can wait until Sam gets here, send him instead,” Steve says. 

Tony shakes his head and says, “You mentioned hearing about this last week, I remember now. If it’s been going on that long we can’t wait until Wilson gets up here. It’s either one of the spies in a car, or me.” And while Clint and Natasha are the best at what they do, Tony in the Iron Man armor is still safer than either of them trying to pass on the ground as civilians when they don’t even know what the threat is yet.

“I’ll let you know by tomorrow morning if I can fly up there to check it out,” Tony says. “But it probably won’t be until Saturday.” Like hell is he giving up his not-a-date night with Pepper if he can help it.

“That should be fine. If we need someone up there sooner Natasha is free and could handle it,” Steve says. “But I would feel better if we could do recon from a bit more of a distance. Thank you, Tony.”

Tony shrugs. “Whatever. Not a big deal. Did you want to go over some of the financial information? I know you wanted an updated breakdown of everyone’s expenses-”

“That can wait,” Steve tells him. “Send over the data and we can talk about it whenever you have a second.”

“That’s not gonna be for awhile,” Tony warns.

Steve shrugs. “Then we’ll worry about it in a while, as long as there aren’t any immediate problems.”

“There aren’t.”

“Okay then.” Steve smiles at him. “Go take care of whatever Pepper was yelling at you about, and I’ll have JARVIS squeeze another meeting into your schedule whenever there’s time.”

Tony narrows his eyes, waiting a few seconds to see if Steve is going to change his mind or reveal some catch. When nothing is immediately forthcoming Tony says, “Fine. Alright. JARVIS will let me know whenever you schedule that meeting, I’m sure, and in the meantime…” And for the love of god, Tony can’t remember what the next Avengers-related item on his calendar is. There are too many dates and meetings and deadlines jumbled in his brain for him to even hope to remember what’s going on next. “…I’ll let you know about flying up north tomorrow.”

“And don’t forget there’s mandatory team training with Sam once he gets up here,” Steve reminds him.

Tony scowls. “I know that.” He did not, in fact, know that- but there’s no way in hell he’s going to say as much to Steve.

“Of course.” Steve’s voice is just a little too innocent, but Tony lets it slide. “Seriously, Tony. Go deal with Stark Industries business. I’m pretty sure the Avengers will be fine without an updated finance report today.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m heading out,” Tony says as he stands. “Let me know if the situation up in Mass changes before tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Steve says but Tony barely hears him, his mind already a thousand steps ahead as he tries to mentally reorganize his to-do list. 

As soon as he makes it down to his workshop he begins barking orders. “JARVIS, pulls up the specs for that SI prototype.” He pulls off his suit jacket and tie, tossing both onto the couch as he walks by. He loses the waistcoat on a lab bench, the cufflinks get tucked in his pocket, and his dress shirt ends up thrown over Dummy’s frame as the bot rolls over to greet him. “Dummy, you get anything on that and I’m letting Clint use you for target practice. And that goes double for smoothie, you get smoothie on that and you’re dead. JARVIS, did you get-?”

The specs for the prototype immediately appear as a hologram in front of Tony. “Ah. Thank you. Also, sort through all the projects on my to-do list. Organize them by priority, figure out what deadlines I’m gonna need to push back, the usual routine.”

“Of course, Sir.”

“And give me my music, J.” The sound of loud rock music suddenly shakes the whole workshop, and Tony immediately throws himself into the work. The lingering irritation over his fight with Pepper and his exhausting workload is still there, but it’s easier to distract himself from it all when he’s elbow-deep in an inexplicably malfunctioning generator prototype. 

By the time Tony finally pauses for a break, he had figured out what had gone wrong in his work- something annoyingly obvious that he should have caught before, that would now require even more work just to correct. He can’t believe that this, of all fucking things, is what caused him to miss the deadline. “I’m looking at, what, three hours just to fix this shit?” he asks JARVIS as he stretches out his aching back. “Not counting the time to actually complete the design?”

“At the very minimum, Sir,” JARVIS confirms. 

“Fucking lovely,” Tony groans and rubs at his sore neck. God, what he wouldn’t give for a massage right now instead of having to return to work in a few minutes. “Okay what’s my to-do list looking like now that we have an updated timeline on this mess?”

A tidy, colorful list appears on a screen in front of him. “Usual color-coding, J?” It’s a mostly-rhetorical question and Tony is already reading over the items before he hears JARVIS’s affirmative response. There are only two projects highlighted in red (deadline must be adjusted) which Tony is so relieved to see that it takes him a moment to realize that his current project is several places down the list, written in a comfortable yellow (high priority with no deadline issues).

“Want to explain this one?” Tony pokes at the item on the list so it’s magnified. As if somehow seeing the project in the equivalent of 72 point font will magically make it easier to understand it’s ranking on Tony’s to-do list. “The deadline is tomorrow morning. Even knowing what the problem is, there’s no way we’re going to have a working prototype by then.”

“Actually, Sir, you received an email from Ms. Potts while you were working,” JARVIS says, already pulling up the message so Tony can read it himself even as he continues explaining. “She says that she can give you until Monday to deliver a working prototype, as long as you remember to attend the Board of Directors meeting in the morning. She also says that if you do not attend the meeting she will-”

“Hunt me down and skin me, yeah I can read that for myself, thanks,” Tony interrupts, but he’s grinning widely as he skims over the rest of the email. Good ol’ Pepper, always coming through in the end. Now that he has a little bit of breathing room with this project he can look at the Falcon wings over the weekend and double-check the latest work from Malibu R&D, and still have a deliverable for this project first thing Monday morning.

And since Pepper was the first to offer an olive branch, Tony figures that it’s probably time he reaches out to her in return. 

“Is Pepper still in the Tower, or did she go to her other apartment?” he asks JARVIS. He knows she’s been working late, which would usually mean that she stayed in the Tower, but sometimes when she needed more of a separation from her work she left and spent the night in her other place. It was a toss-up between the two, really, especially on a day like today.

“Ms. Potts is in her private rooms here in the Tower.”

“Awesome. She awake?” There’s a pause from JARVIS- brief, but just enough of a delay for what should be a simple response that it makes Tony suspicious. “JARVIS? I’m not asking for a breakdown of her vitals, I just want to know if it’s gonna be okay to drop by.”

“I would not advise that, Sir,” JARVIS says. “Ms. Potts is awake however she already has another visitor.”

That’s a little weird. It’s too late for Pepper to be meeting anyone about Stark Industries business, after all. “One of the Avengers?” Tony asks. Ever since he came out to the team nine months ago they’ve taken to asking Pepper the occasional question about aromantic things, but it would be strange for them to have dropped by this late…

“It is not a member of the Avengers Initiative,” JARIVS replies, “and as per the privacy protocols that you have in place-”

“Yeah, yeah, J, I know.” Tony knows what the privacy protocols are and he would never dream overriding them just to satisfy his own curiosity. Not when that would mean breaking Pepper’s trust in him… but that doesn’t mean he isn’t tempted. “What _can_ you tell me then? Is it a business meeting? Old family friend?”

The pause from the AI is noticeably lengthier this time, which does nothing to assuage Tony’s curiosity. “I am not sure,” JARVIS says at last, “although if I had to hazard a guess, Sir, I would suggest something of a romantic connection between Ms. Potts and her guest.”

Tony freezes at the words “romantic connection”, that romance-repulsed part of his hindbrain immediately going into fight-or-flight mode, but once he fully processes what JARVIS is saying he starts laughing. “Oh my god, Pepper’s on a _date_!”

It’s an uncommon occurrence, but not an unheard of one. Every once in awhile Pepper will accept an offer for dinner from some well-intentioned would-be suitor, the same way that Tony will sometimes still take a fashioner designer as his plus-one to an event, or Rhodey will see a movie with a woman who catches his eye. They always go home alone at the end of the night, and although the option to see someone on a more permanent basis has always been there neither Rhodey nor Pepper have ever brought up wanting to date anyone else. 

Tony, of course, will never date anyone else. In his mind he’s not even dating Pepper and Rhodey, and they’re considerate enough to not use that term with him. He knows that being in a committed, long-term relationship that isn’t a marriage is, essentially, the same as _dating_ … but Tony still shies away from that word regardless. 

(Unless, of course, he’s attempting to get Pepper to fake a romantic relationship with him in order to get his romance-crazed teammates to leave him alone. Tony is still, nine months later, profoundly grateful that Pepper hadn’t agreed to go along with that particular hare-brained scheme.)

But maybe, that tiny hindbrain part of his thoughts is still holding onto a little bit of his old fears that one or both of them would leave him for a romantic partner one day. Why stick around and sleep with Tony Stark when he couldn’t offer them anything else but sex anyway? It’s not a fear he entertains often, but it creeps up through Tony’s laughter and makes his stomach roll anyway. 

“Well, this’ll be good to tease her about tomorrow,” Tony says, pushing that fear down and turning back to the message Pepper had sent, still floating in the air in front of him. “Assuming we don’t start fighting first, that is.”

“Did you wish to leave a message for Ms. Potts, then?” JARIVS asks. 

Tony thinks about it for a moment, then finally just shrugs. “Yeah. Don’t bother her, just whenever she’s not… busy…” And Tony had no reason to worry about _that_ particularly irrational fear coming true; neither Pepper nor Rhodey had ever slept with one of their dates, and Tony knows Pepper isn’t going to start now. That was a hard-and-fast rule for them all, one of the few their arrangement had and one that no one had ever broken.

If a little of that fear tries to rear it’s ugly head anyway, well, Tony has gotten _very_ good at squashing it down. Especially considering the alternative leads to a downward spiral ending at the bottom of a bottle of whiskey. 

“Sir?” JARVIS prompts, and it’s only then that Tony realizes he never finished his initial train of thought. 

“Sorry, go and leave a message, don’t bother her or anything, just let her know later that I appreciate the extension for the prototype and that I’ll see her at the Board meeting tomorrow,” Tony says.

“Very well, Sir,” JARVIS replies, and Tony knows that he’s sending the message as they speak. “Did you wish to continue working on the generator prototype now?”

As if there’s any question about that. Even with the deadline pushed back Tony doesn’t want to risk something else coming up to delay this any further, especially with that potential Avengers mission looming on the weekend horizon. 

“Yeah. Bring the specs back up and- hey, Butterfingers! Get over here and give me a hand with this, would you?”

It’s going to be a long night, there’s no way around that. At least Tony can amuse himself by imaging the look on Pepper’s face when he asks her about her date in the morning. 

When JARVIS’s two-hour warning alarm goes off many hours later Tony feels like death warmed over. He really is getting too old for these sorts of all-night engineering binges, but at least the prototype is nearly completed. “JARVIS, what’s my schedule for today after the Board meeting?” he asks as he heads back upstairs to get ready for the day. 

“There is little else on your calendar today, Sir,” JARVIS replies. The coffee maker in Tony’s kitchen is already brewing, and he can hear the sound of the shower turning on as he walks into his apartment. Gotta love living in an AI-run tower. “There is a conference call schedule with the head of the Malibu R&D department at one o’clock-”

Tony rolls his eyes. God help that man, but he is on dangerously thin ice right now. Tony still can’t pinpoint any one fireable offense but he’s hoping to make a solid case with the sheer volume of issues at the very least. 

“-and I have taken the liberty of rescheduling your discussion of the Avengers finances with Captain Rogers for three-thirty this afternoon,” JARVIS finishes. “With the progress you made on the Stark Industries project last night, this should still leave you time to finalize the prototype before your… shall we say, _meeting_ , with Ms. Potts this evening.”

Tony pauses at the mention of his weekly not-a-date night with Pepper, one hand already reaching out towards the coffee pot so he can caffeinate before showering and heading down to the Board meeting. He usually likes Friday nights; even on days when his romance-repulsion is at it’s worst he’s always enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with someone who is one of his closest friends. But their unresolved fight from the day before makes him nervous and he asks JARVIS, “Is Pepper still in her apartment downstairs?”

Maybe, if Pepper stuck around the Tower after her date last night, they can find a few extra minutes this morning to smooth things over before their Friday night "meeting" officially starts. Tony would hate to go into what's usually his favorite part of the week on a sour note. 

"Yes, Ms. Potts is present, as well as her companion from last night."

That's... unexpected. "Her date is still over?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Huh." Maybe they had been up late talking and Pepper had offered her guest the couch? Or maybe it was less of a date and more old friends just catching up? 

But the thought lingers in his head as he pours himself a cup of coffee and gets ready for the day. Whoever was with Pepper the night before spent the night. Pepper’s _romantic companion_ spent the night.

It shouldn't matter. It _doesn't_ matter. Pepper is free to go on dates with whoever she wants and Tony isn’t even worried that she cheated on him- the very idea of that is absolutely laughable. So while there's a pit of _something_ churning unpleasantly in his stomach as he heads downstairs to the Stark Industries floors, Tony tells himself that he's not worried. He'll tease Pepper about her date, she'll tell her side of events, and everything will be fine.

“Tony!”

Tony hates the way his heart spikes at the sound of Pepper calling for him, hates the flinch that he suppresses only by instinct, hates the fake publicity smile that somehow ends up on his face as he turns around to face her. “Morning, Pep. Have a good night’s rest?”

Pepper narrows her eyes at him, like she knows something is up but isn’t quite sure what yet. “Yes, I did. And I wanted to say, I got your message from last night and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have acted like I did yesterday-”

“Hey, I was being unreasonable too,” Tony says with a shrug. “Don’t worry about it. I had a breakthrough with the project last night, I should have the prototype done before our meeting this evening…” Pepper’s eyes widen, her mouth dropping open in a small “o” of surprise, and Tony frowns. “What?”

“I’m so sorry, Tony, I’m going to have to cancel on tonight, I had a last-minute business meeting get scheduled for our usual time.” Pepper closes her eyes and shakes her head, and Tony can see her mouth _shitshitshit_ to herself in frustration. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Tony says, because he understands the inconvenience of business meetings intruding on your personal time even if he is supremely disappointed at losing out on Friday night with Pepper. “At least you got to have some fun last night, right?”

Pepper’s brow creases in confusion. “Last night I stayed in, spent the night working through a problem. Not exactly _fun_.”

Pepper’s response catches Tony by surprise, cutting off the teasing remarks that he had been planning on saying and giving Pepper a chance to continue with, “The Board meeting is going to be starting soon, we should get inside.”

And then she just… walks away. Not even waiting for a response, not even trying to discuss the agenda with Tony, not even double-checking that he’s following her inside.

Tony should say something. Should ask if she’s okay because that was so out of the ordinary for her, should tell her that they need to talk because now he needs to know what happened on last night’s date, should ask for a few minutes to speak to her at the end of the meeting to clear the air-

But Pepper is already gone, and Tony doesn’t say anything.

Tony’s phone chimes suddenly and he pulls it out of his pocket, seeing the message from Steve asking about the Massachusetts recon. Fuck, he had entirely forgotten about that!

He wants to tell Steve that he can’t do it, that something’s come up and they’ll have to send Nat instead, because Tony doesn’t want to miss any opportunity to talk to Pepper about whatever the hell that conversation just was. But since she cancelled their standing plans for that evening ( _for legitimate reasons_ , Tony reminds himself, _it doesn’t mean anything_ ) Tony’s already lost that chance to talk to her.

 _I’ve got it covered, but we’ll have to reschedule that financial meeting again_ , Tony sends back to Steve. If he cancels the financial meeting he should still have time to finish the generator prototype before he has to leave for Massachusetts. He has no idea what’s going on with Pepper but at least he can make sure she has one less thing to worry about. 

And maybe there’s a part of him that’s hoping Pepper will wrap her meeting up quickly enough for the two of them to still get some time together tonight after he gets back from Massachusetts. That maybe they’ll be able to talk tonight, to actually discuss their fight and work through it instead of exchanging two sentences in apology in passing- and so Tony can ask what sort of problem she was working on that JARVIS misconstrued as a date (and, because the curiosity is killing him, who she was working on said problem _with_ ).

Tony even manages to get back to the Tower relatively quickly, too- mostly because it takes one fly-over of the small Massachusetts town to realize that something fishy is definitely going on and even less time to suss out what the issue is. He transmits everything directly to the Tower, including a note that they’re gonna need to bring a magic user in on this- hopefully Strange is in town this weekend- and by the time Tony lands he’s practically thrumming with nerves. 

“JARVIS, is Pepper in?” he asks as the armor disengages from around him. Now he not only needs to touch base with Pepper about everything from yesterday and last night, but he also needs to tell Pepper that he’s going to be out-of-town on an Avengers mission sometime that weekend and that’s a conversation that’s best had face-to-face. 

“I’m sorry, Sir, but Ms. Potts left nearly an hour ago,” JARVIS says. “Shall I attempt to contact her for you?”

Pepper… left the Tower?

“Wait, what? What, she went back to her other apartment?”

JARVIS has limited access to Pepper’s other apartment for security reasons, so he would know if she’s there- and telling Tony just that much wouldn’t break privacy protocols. But JARVIS hesitates before answering, and Tony already knows what his response is going to be before his AI says, “No, Sir. She left with a guest.” And, beautifully skirting the edges of what his programming will allow him to reveal, JARVIS adds, “Her guest from last night, that is.”

Tony isn’t expecting the feeling of being sucker-punched in the gut that comes along with JARVIS’s words. It takes him by surprise, this feeling of devastation that rips through him, because what the hell does he have to be _devastated_ about? Pepper’s on another date and that’s _fine_ , even if it’s a Friday and they were supposed to- She had cancelled already, it doesn’t matter- but they have a _standing arrangement_ -

“Sir?”

Pepper had said she spent the previous night dealing with a “problem” but that doesn’t make _sense_ , not with JARVIS’s assessment of the evening. He might not be human, but if JARVIS calls something “romantic” it’s because it was blatant enough to be unmistakable. Either JARVIS was wrong or Pepper is hiding something… and god help him, but Tony doesn’t think JARVIS is wrong.

“Sir?” JARVIS prompts again.

“Yeah, sorry J, just-” Just what? If there’s an obvious course of action here Tony has no idea what it is. “…never mind. Tell Cap I’m back, I’m sure he wants to debrief.”

The pit in his stomach that hasn’t quite vanished since JARVIS first informed him of Pepper’s guest the night before sinks lower and lower, a physical ache in Tony’s body that is impossible to ignore. And in the back of his mind, that old fear rears its ugly head again.

_Why would Pepper need to sleep with me, if she can get romance and sex and the whole shebang from someone else?_

 

**Then – March 2009**

Pepper didn’t set out intending to fall in love with Tony Stark. She didn’t even set out to work for the man at all, outside of being a general employee for Stark Industries. She became Tony’s personal assistant by pure chance and spent most of that first year telling herself that this was just a temporary position. She would work hard enough, and just long enough, to ensure a good reference from Stark (or Stane, if need be) and then she’d move on to something else- something better. 

But somehow, one year becomes two, becomes three, becomes five… By the time Pepper has been working for Tony for almost a decade she knows that this isn’t a stepping-stone to “something better”. Even if there are jobs out there with more impressive-sounding titles, there certainly aren’t going to be jobs that are more _interesting_. She gets to curate his art collection, solicit donations for the Maria Stark Foundation, sit in on Board of Directors meetings, travel the world to meet investors and attend conferences… and, yes, she occasionally has to bail him out of a foreign jail cell and he doesn’t remember his own social security number and maybe it took her close to a month to stop having a heart attack every time JARVIS spoke to her.

She is overworked and underappreciated by everyone who isn’t Tony (and, occasionally, by him too) and she would never think to call her job “fun”. But it’s well-paid, never boring, and somehow Pepper enjoys it anyway. 

And maybe Tony Stark himself is part of that. A large part of that. To anyone who knows him, it’s really no surprise that he would be both the best and the worst parts of her job. But Pepper comes to realize that there aren’t a lot of people who actually know him, beyond what reaches the public’s eye at least. Her, and James Rhodes, and Stane… but not very many others.

Pepper is smart enough to realize, some time after having the realization that she’s reached an “inner circle” in Tony Stark’s life that she never expected to be a part of, that she’s developing feelings of some sort for the man. She’s aware of it well before Afghanistan, before “You’re all I have”, before the gala- before Stane and Iron Man and everything else that’s snowballed since Tony’s captivity. Pepper knows the two of them are close, knows he trusts her, would like to think that they’re friends even if being friends with her boss is generally a disastrous concept.

She knows, on the roof at the gala, that there’s attraction there. That she wants him, and she thinks he wants her… even if he never does return with that drink. But that’s lust, that’s sexual attraction, that’s not _love_. That’s a poor decision waiting to happen, and she’ll be damned if she falls into bed with her boss on a whim.

Love isn’t anywhere on her radar, and if she knows anything about Tony Stark it’s nowhere to be found on his either. It’s not like she’s ever seen the man in a steady relationship after all (and after all these years spent as his assistant, she would know). So at the very least, they should be on the same page about that.

“You can’t keep making the news like this, Tony! For once in your life just listen to your PR team, please!”

Of course, it would be amazing if they could be on the same page about everything else as well.

“Iron Man is big news right now, and I’m not gonna stop putting on the suit just because there’s a new website tracking sightings of me,” Tony says, voice muffled from the screwdriver he’s holding between his teeth. He has a half-repaired gauntlet on his arm, the red metal marred by scratches and indents from bullets.

Pepper doesn’t look down at his armor and tries not to think about Tony getting shot at, for her own mental wellbeing.

“There’s _three_ new websites this week alone!” Pepper tells him. “Your stock is still shaky and I don’t care that we’ve weeded out anyone left in the company who was in on Stane’s plans-” Tony flinches at the mention of Obadiah. He never told her what happened before he showed up at Stark Industries in the Iron Man armor but he doesn’t have to; she knows the difference between the arc reactor she installed and the original model. “-but the Board doesn’t trust that this situation is resolved, and you flying around in that thing isn’t helping matters.”

“Yeah, but consider,” Tony says. “I don’t care.”

Pepper growls under her breath and reminds herself that she likes this job and that, somehow, she likes Tony. She’s always been inexplicably fond of Tony, but even more so now that he’s turned over this new leaf. Even if right now she wants to strangle him for seemingly not caring about the fate of his company now that he’s wrapped up in this superhero nonsense.

"Tony you have to care!" Pepper's voice is rising in tone and it's a struggle to keep it under an actual shout. "The Board is going to try to remove you as CEO if you don't start-"

"I'd like to see them fucking try," Tony mutters darkly.

"They're going to, Tony!" Pepper says. "They're going to try to remove you, and they're probably going to succeed, and you're going to be left with nothing but your suits."

"And a couple billion dollars, let’s not forget that."

"Tony!"

Tony finally pulls the screwdriver out of his mouth and looks up at Pepper. "Pep, the company is fine-"

"You've already missed two investor meetings this month-"

"And they still came through in the end so what does it matter?" Tony snaps.

"It matters because you're supposed to be handling things like that!" Pepper tells him. "You're the CEO, that is exactly the thing you're supposed to be doing! But instead you pass it off to me, or leave me to reschedule and make apologies and play nice with the Board even though they have no reason to listen to me!"

Tony stops his work and watches her. There's a look of surprise on his face, like he hadn't even realize that she was doing that much for him- and Pepper wants to _scream_.

“Seriously, Tony?” And oh, shit, that’s an actual shout. Pepper is officially shouting and there’s no turning back now. “Don’t give me that look, I do _so much_ to help you and the company! And you can’t even be bothered to lay low for a few days and actually go to your meetings, just to save your own ass!”

“I’m sorry, how am I supposed to lay low while also appearing at my meetings?” Tony asks. “Seems a little oxymoronic, doesn’t it?”

This is Tony being an asshole now, and not sarcastic and selfish in the way that people always mistake for him being an asshole. Even after all these years Pepper can’t tell if Tony really doesn’t care or if this is another poor attempt to distance himself from the situation; either way, Pepper hates this Tony, hates him with every fiber of her being, because there’s no reasoning with Tony when he’s like this.

“Ugh, Tony!” Pepper throws her stack of folders down on the nearest flat surface, so angry that she can barely think straight. “You’re absolutely impossible!”

Tony smiles at her- one of his flashy, public smiles that, seriously, does that man think anyone buys into that? “Just part of the Stark charm, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby!” Pepper snaps. “Are you serious right now? This is why you leave a string of sexual harassment lawsuits behind you wherever you go!”

Tony’s face immediately closes off, his eyes becoming hooded and guarded. “Back off, Pep. I haven’t had sexual harassment charges leveled against me since I got back.”

 _Since I got back_ , because Tony puts on a front for everyone but he’s still torn up about everything that happened. Understandably so- between Afghanistan, and the arc reactor, and Stane, no one can blame him for being a wreck. It doesn’t calm Pepper’s anger, but it does redirect it, deflect it so her frustration is on those who’ve hurt Tony instead of Tony himself. 

It’s enough to get Pepper to deflate slightly, to sigh, “Sorry, Tony, sorry, I didn’t mean...” 

“It’s fine,” Tony says, and he grabs the screwdriver he set aside earlier and returns to working on the gauntlet still wrapped around his arm, loose wires dangling everywhere. Maybe to someone else it would look like Tony had given up on the conversation and was ignoring her, but Pepper was better than most at reading Tony. He hadn't turned away, wasn't even ignoring her completely; he was mostly just fiddling with the gauntlet to give his hands something to do until Pepper stops yelling at him.

And Pepper is almost surprised to realize that her own anger has faded now that Tony isn’t gearing up to continue the fight. He does this all the time, winding Pepper up until she’s screaming and then, somehow, managing to end the argument once Pepper’s gotten all of her frustrations out of her system. It also has the advantage, for him, of distracting Pepper from whatever point she was originally trying make. 

And this time, it takes Pepper several long seconds to realize that she didn’t _actually_ get Tony to agree to lay low for a few days.

"Goddamnit, Tony. I don't know why I even love you, when you do shit like this," Pepper mutters under her breath.

She's not paying attention to what she's saying, her mind already a thousand steps ahead trying to figure out what she's going to say to the Board to explain Tony's next Iron Man-related absence in a way that doesn't result in someone planning his murder (again). But there's suddenly a loud rattling, clank and Pepper looks over to see Tony stumbling back from his seat, the screwdriver spinning around on the top of the workbench from where Tony obviously dropped it in a rush.

Tony is breathing hard, his eyes wide with shock and… and something else, something like fear or panic but that doesn’t make any sense. Why would Tony be panicking here, in the sanctuary that is his workshop, of all places?

“What did you just say?” he croaks, his eyes never leaving Pepper’s face. Behind him one of the bots- Dummy, probably, though Pepper can’t quite tell from this angle- moves forward, camera raised curiously to better take in the scene. 

“What?” Pepper doesn’t even remember what she said-

Oh.

Oh god, oh _no_. 

Pepper’s hand flies up to cover her mouth. She can’t believe she said that, she can’t believe… “Oh my god, Tony, I didn’t mean-”

“Do you- You don’t actually-” Tony’s mouth twists up into a grimace. “- _love_ me, do you?”

“What? No!” Except suddenly Pepper isn’t so sure. Does she love Tony? She’s known for awhile that there’s something there between them but is it… it can’t be…. “I just wasn’t thinking! That’s all!”

Pepper is halfway to freaking out about this realization, going full-throttle down the hole towards a total meltdown over possibly having romantic feelings for her boss. The only thing stopping that inevitable breakdown is the look that’s still on Tony’s face, near-panic and full of disgust. It trips up Pepper’s emotions, mixing her terror with a new burst of anger, which isn’t helped by Tony continuing to press her for answers. 

“But why would you say _love_?” He’s worked up over this, nearly going to pieces over it, and Pepper can’t figure out why, can’t help but think _why this and not the future of Stark Industries?_ “Why would you say that, of all things, why would you-?”

“What do you want me to say, Tony?” Pepper asks. “It was a mistake, it was obviously a slip of the tongue-”

“A slip of the tongue where you told me that you loved me?” Tony asks, his voice incredulous and he takes another step back. He’s still moving _away_ from Pepper, like he can’t even stand being close to her right now. And that hurts because Pepper can’t figure out why he’s acting like this, why he has such an overblown reaction what could so easily be just a slightly awkward moment in their lives. 

“Tony, what the hell is going on here?” Pepper asks, voice rising to a near-hysterical pitch. “Are you seriously freaking out this badly because I might have feelings about you?”

“So you do have feelings about me?” Tony yelps, stumbling another step backwards.

“Why are you acting like this?” Pepper counters. 

“Do you-?”

“I don’t know!” Pepper shouts, her emotions finally reaching their breaking point.. “I don’t know if I do!”

Tony throws his hands up, and a piece of the gauntlet goes flying off. “How do you not know?”

“Because love doesn’t work that way, Tony!” Pepper snaps. “What does it matter anyway? Clearly I got the wrong idea from your flirting on the roof at that gala, that’s all!”

“Yeah, clearly you did!” Tony says. “I don’t feel that way about you, I never have!”

Something in Pepper’s stomach clenches but she ignores it, too worked up about Tony and this new situation to even let his words hurt her. Her anger is mostly misdirected, she knows that, but it’s always been too easy to fight with Tony- and even easier to fight with him about the wrong things. “But you were flirting with me on the roof!”

“But not like that!” Tony insists. “I don’t- I never- I don’t do that! I’ve never done that, not with anyone! It’s never like that!”

Pepper snorts in disbelief. “You’re really telling me that with the string of people you always had coming around, you’ve never once flirted with someone because you thought you might actually like them? _Really_ , Tony? Don’t take me for an idiot here.”

“I haven’t,” Tony snarls, and it’s Pepper who takes a step back this time at the ferocity in Tony’s voice. “I have never, _never_ , felt like that. About _anyone_. I sleep around but there’s- it’s not _love_ like that.”

“What?” Pepper lets out a giggle, something hysterical and a little scared but mostly disbelieving. “Obviously you’ve been in love before, Tony! It’s a- a universal experience, it’s what makes us human!”

“I’ve cared about people. I’ve loved people in non-romantic ways. But it’s never romantic.” His hands are clenched in fists, the metal of the gauntlet whining against the stress, and Tony is shaking as he continues, “That’s just how I feel. That’s how it’s always been.”

“Tony-”

“Shut up.” Pepper flinches at Tony’s tone, because he doesn’t talk to her like that. He talks to the idiots down in R&D, and particularly stubborn Board members, and reporters who won’t back down, like that. But he’s never used that tone with her. “Shut up, I don’t care what you’re going to say, you’ve said more than enough already. I don’t love people. I’ve never felt romantic love and, as it turns out, I fucking hate everything to do with romance anyway, so it actually works out nicely in the end.”

“Tony-”

“You can’t love me,” he continues, as if she hadn’t said anything. “You can’t love me because that’s- that’s not acceptable, that’s just not-.”

“Tony!” Pepper finally manages to interrupt. “It’s fine! I don’t even know if I love you-” Tony flinches again when Pepper says _love_ , but she ignores him and barrels on, too afraid that if she stops talking she’ll lose the only chance she has to say her piece. “-and even if I do, it doesn’t have to mean anything. I won’t say or do anything, I won’t-”

“It doesn’t matter!” Tony cuts her off. “If you love me, if you even _might_ love me, then that’s- that’s not okay, Pepper, that’s not fucking okay. Either get your shit emotions together, or get the hell out.”

“What?” Pepper asks, his words shocking the last of her righteous anger out of her. “Tony, what-?”

“Either you figure out how to stop loving me, or stop potentially loving me, or whatever,” Tony says, “or you’re fired. I won’t have you- I can’t have- I can’t-”

Tony swallows harshly and turns back to his work. And this time it’s a dismissal- Tony’s back is turned towards Pepper and he ducks his head down so there’s no way he can even remotely be paying attention to her now. And it’s that that hurts more than anything else- more than the threat of losing her job, more than Tony’s inexplicable fear and panic, more than anything. It’s the slap in the face of the friendship that she thought they had formed that hurts more than anything else.

“Tony…” Pepper tries, even though she knows that there isn’t anything she can say to change his mind. She knows him too well, after all. She knows when he’s reached the point where he’s past any hope of compromise, and this is a textbook example of that moment if she’s ever seen one.

“Just get out of here,” Tony mutters. “Just leave, just- just get out.”

And Pepper, confused by her own emotions and everything that just happened, with no idea of what else she can do here… leaves the workshop.

“JARVIS, can you call Happy to come pick me up?” she asks as she climbs the stairs back up to the living room.

“Certainly, Ms. Potts.”

She reaches the living room and sinks down onto the couch. Her hands are shaking slightly, which is surprising because she hadn’t noticed that when she was downstairs. Had that just started, or had she been too wrapped up in the argument to realize how strongly she was reacting to it?

What had just happened downstairs anyway?

“JARVIS is he… is Tony alright?” she asks hesitantly, knowing that she’s already treading on thin ice and terrified of making the situation worse.

“He appears to be in some distress, however I believe it can be managed,” JARVIS tells her.

That’s a more honest answer than she was expecting from the AI, and Pepper is profoundly grateful for it. “Thank you, JARVIS,” she says and, even though she may be pushing her luck, she asks, “Do you know… Can you explain why he reacted like he did?”

“I’m afraid I cannot, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS says.

Pepper sighs. “Of course. No, I’m sorry, that’s prying too much into his personal business-”

“That is not the issue, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS interrupts. “I do not know what is troubling Sir. Since my creation he has not had a romantic relationship, to the best of my knowledge, but this is the first he has spoken of not feeling romantic love in general.”

Pepper bites her lip. There’s obviously something wrong here, there has to be for Tony to get so worked up like that. Tony had told her to sort out her emotions or she’ll be fired, but how can Pepper be expected to sort out her overwhelming jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings overnight? But if she can figure out what’s going on with Tony instead, maybe that will be enough to salvage the friendship she thought they had.

“JARVIS, can I ask you for one more favor?” Pepper asks.

“Certainly, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS says again, and Pepper can’t help but smile when she hears it.

“Can you just make sure that Tony doesn’t fire me until I get back here with a solution to this mess?” she asks.

There’s a pause from JARVIS, long enough that Pepper almost wonders if this is the point where the AI tells her that she’s gone too far. “I will do my best, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS instead says at last. “Though I cannot guarantee my success.”

“That’s alright. You do what you can and I’ll handle the rest,” Pepper says, with more confidence than she feels. “Do you know how far away Happy is?”

“Mr. Hogan should be arriving within the next three to five minutes,” JARVIS replies.

“Alright, thank you. I’ll wait for him outside then.” Pepper stands and smoothes down the front of her skirt, though there’s hardly a wrinkle on it. This would be the point where, normally, she’d ask JARVIS to let Tony know that she’s leaving, along with maybe a quick reminder to eat something that night or to remember a meeting the next day. Now asking JARVIS to pass along any message seems impossibly awkward. But walking out without saying anything seems rude as well and she ends up settling for saying goodbye to just JARVIS as she gathers her belongings. 

“Goodbye, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS tells her. “And, if I may, I hope that you are able to resolve this issue with Sir soon.”

Something in Pepper's heart twists painfully. If she can't fix whatever just went to pieces with Tony, she's not only going to lose him from her life but she's going to lose JARVIS and the bots as well... maybe Happy, possibly Rhodes too... Pepper comes from a large enough family, has a support system in her life that's completely independent from any Stark Industries influence, but the potential to lose all of her closest friends in one fell swoop is a terrifying prospect. 

"Thanks, JARVIS," Pepper says, her voice a little choked up, and before she can embarrass herself any more she makes her strategic exit to wait for Happy.

 

**Now - May 2015 - Sunday**

Tony doesn't talk to Pepper for two days. Part of that is because the Avengers end up having to deal with the Massachusetts situation on Saturday so Tony isn't even around to talk to her. Mostly, though, it's because Tony still doesn't know what the hell to even say.

_Hey, Pep, so weird question but we’ve been fighting a lot lately and I know you’re possibly seeing someone new, so are you planning on ending your relationship with me or…?_

Pathetic. 

Tony knows logically, rationally, that he has no reason to worry about what will happen ~~when~~ if Pepper ends things with him. Even if they stopped sleeping together they would still be friends and Pepper would still be part of his life. Tony would still have his relationship with Rhodey, whatever form that would take with Pepper no longer a part of it. The changes to his life would be minimal, and approaching the situation from that angle will get him absolutely no where.

Except Tony's brain is stalling out trying to come up with any other way to broach the subject with Pepper. She hasn't really lied to him about things, not technically, not in any way he can prove. And he has no claim to how she spends her Friday nights, especially not after she cancelled their standing plans, so he can't exactly base any of his arguments around that- not that there are any arguments, because what is there to argue here? If Pepper wants to leave him she can and that's fine, that's- that'll be fine.

Tony just needs the emotional part of his brain to catch up with that information now.

“Sir, you have an incoming call from Ms. Potts,” JARVIS says suddenly. “Shall I put it through?”

The spike of panic that Tony feels at the announcement catches him off-guard and for a moment his only thought is, _This is it, she’s calling to come clean and end things_. “Audio only,” he blurts out.

Pepper’s voice comes through immediately. “Tony? Are you alright?”

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be fine?” Tony says, forcing himself to sound as nonchalant as possible. 

“Because you had an Avengers mission yesterday and put me on audio only,” Pepper tells him. “Did you get injured?”

Shit. _Fuck_. “No, no, I’m fine,” Tony says. “A little banged up but I’m fine, we’re all fine. Steve got hit the worst and he still went on his usual run this morning, so everything is good here.”

“Uh-huh.” Pepper doesn’t sound convinced. And is it only Tony’s imagination, or does she sound a little ticked off with him too? He can’t tell what’s really there and what’s just him projecting. “What aren’t you telling me then?”

“Nothing at all,” Tony lies. It’s easier than trying to figure out how to start the conversation they actually need to have, although if he can give her an opening to say something… “How’s your weekend been, Pep?”

Pepper groans. “Filled with paperwork, unfortunately. And don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing here, I’m not stupid and I’ve known you too long.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course you don’t.” Pepper sighs. “Can you please put the video through? You know I hate doing phone calls like this.”

Tony makes a face but motions for JARVIS to patch the video through, before he actually does make Pepper angry with him (again). Pepper's face appears on one of the holographic screens almost immediately. She looks tired, and beautiful, and Tony's chest aches when she gives him a wry smile instead of the scowl he was half-expecting. "Was that really so hard?"

Tony shrugs. "Guess not," he says and it takes effort to force himself to look at her instead of avoiding her eyes. He can't do this, he can't have a normal conversation with Pepper and pretend that he doesn't know she's been on dates with someone else. "So, Friday night..."

"I know, I'm so sorry," Pepper says immediately. Tony is surprised, and hopeful that she's finally going to explain things, until she continues with, "I hate having to schedule meetings for Friday nights, but with this acquisition consuming so much of my time it was the only option I had."

"It's fine, I get it." Tony drums his fingers against the front of the arc reactor, the worst of his nervous tics, and tries to ask, "But what I was wondering was..."

Tony hears the ringing of another call coming through on Pepper's end and she groans in frustration. "Damnit. I'm sorry, Tony, I have to take this-"

"It's fine," Tony says again. "Can we- can we talk soon, though? Since we missed Friday and all." And because Tony doesn't think he can take another day without answers about what the hell is going on here. 

"Sure, of course," Pepper says. "Have JARVIS put something on my calendar."

The call disconnects before Tony can say anything else, leaving him staring at the spot where the video had been in disbelief. He’s never had to schedule an appointment to talk to Pepper, unless they needed a paper trail for business reasons. Even even after the disastrous birthday when they were barely speaking to each other at all she still didn’t make him put something on her calendar. How angry does she have to be now for her to…?

“Sir, Ms. Potts has availability tomorrow if you would like me to schedule a meeting with her,” JARVIS informs him. 

Tony has no idea what he wants. He's never felt this distant from Pepper, no matter how spitting mad she's been at him. He wants there to be a reasonable explanation for how Pepper has been acting that doesn't involve her ending their relationship but he can't think of anything else that could be going on. With the exception of mind control, of course, but while that’s a possibility due to her proximity to the Avengers it’s unlikely even by Tony's estimations.

"Don't schedule anything," he finally says. "Actually- no, fill up my calendar with as many meetings as you can."

"Sir?"

"You know, Avengers stuff," Tony says. "Equipment checks with everyone, reschedule that finance meeting with Cap, block off some workshop time- make sure everything conflicts with Pepper's calendar, and send her a message that I don't have time to meet this week after all."

"Are you quite sure this is a good idea?" JARVIS’s tone makes it clear what his opinion of this plan is.

And Tony knows that it’s a terrible idea. Avoiding Pepper won't solve anything, and it'll probably make the situation monumentally worse if Pepper figures out that he's doing this on purpose. But if Pepper is gearing up to end things with him... Well, she can't exactly do that if there's no time for the two of them to meet. Tony hates himself for having that thought, hates that type of manipulation, hates that he's going to follow through with this plan despite the self-loathing that brings bile up his throat. 

But Tony cannot talk to Pepper, can't schedule a meeting and walk into her office and wait for her polite explanation of how she found someone new to replace him.

Next week, maybe. Once Tony can get his feelings under control and get used to the idea of it all, after he figures out why he's so emotional about something that shouldn't be such a big deal. Then, he'll set up a time to talk to Pepper. Trying to do anything before then will just end badly. 

"Just make the appointments, JARVIS," Tony says tiredly. It's barely noon and he already wants to give up on the day. "And please, tell me I have nothing else going on today."

"I am sorry, Sir, but you have a meeting scheduled with Captain Rogers and-"

"Wilson, yeah, the EXO-7 wings and the remodeling," Tony says. Fuck, he had completely forgotten. "Is he here yet?"

“Yes, he arrived approximately forty-three minutes ago,” JARVIS tells him. “Would you like him to bring the Falcon wings down now, or shall I have him meet you in the suite you are planning on converting into his apartment?”

Tony thinks about it for a minute and finally says, “Have him bring the wings down. Might as well show him the workshop now, get it over with, and we’ll go up to the suite together after."

“Very well, Sir. Captain Rogers says that they will be down in a few moments, as they are just finishing eating lunch right now,” JARVIS relays. “Though he did ask if you could be convinced to come upstairs and eat something yourself-”

“Not gonna happen, J, I’m too busy down here,” Tony says. Though, truthfully, he’s a little afraid of running into Pepper if he leaves the workshop by himself. He doesn’t know where she is or what she’s doing, if she’s even in the Tower today or not, but his stomach is still in knots and he can’t face her right now.

“Of course, Sir. May I ask what project you are “busy” working on, since you do not appear to be working on anything at all?” JARVIS asks, with just enough clipped sarcasm in his voice to make Tony laugh.

“Such bad manners, I really don’t know where you picked them up,” Tony jokes. “And yeah, pull up the specs for the Falcon wings that Wilson sent over earlier. I want to go over them one more time, make sure I’m up-to-speed on what he’s packing.”

The wings are actually a fairly impressive design, for something that’s not Stark-made, but Tony still isn’t convinced that carrying around an actual reserve of combustible fuel is the safest route to go. 

“I mean, clearly it’s the best that these idiots could come up with, what with not having access to any of my most recent patents,” Tony says aloud to JARVIS as he flicks through image after image of the wings’ design. “But there’s absolutely room for improvement with these-”

“You know, I warned Sam that you’d probably tear apart the wings as soon as you could, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be this quickly,” Steve says as he walks into the room, Sam Wilson right on his heels. 

Steve is teasing, Tony knows he is, so he manages to keep his irritation to a minimum as he answers, “Better to get a head start on fixing this mess than leave it for later and have you go into another fight with wings like that.” And, yep, that was still too snippy for this conversation if the look Steve gives him is anything to go by.

“And what’s wrong with how the wings are?” Sam asks. He doesn’t sound too angry but Tony’s only met the guy once or twice before so he has no idea if he’s reading him well or not. And Tony does need to be nice here; Sam is the first official new recruit they’ve had since the Avengers Initiative really got off the ground and they need to prove that they’re capable of being a functioning, well-run organization even without SHIELD’s oversight.

“Well, for one thing, you’re still carrying combustible fuel around with you,” Tony says and, nope, that’s way too much sarcasm for this conversation. “And I’ve seen the footage from D.C., your wings need a serious upgrade so they can’t just be torn apart by-”

“Alright, hey, I’m not arguing with you,” Sam says, holding up his hands in surrender. Tony is grateful that the interruption comes before he had the chance to directly mention Barnes. He doesn’t mind helping Steve with the search for Bucky, for the most part, but that’s another topic that he really doesn’t need to talk about right now. Especially since Steve is already frowning slightly at Tony and he knows that he’s not hiding his emotions as well as he should be.

“Look, the fuel thing has always been an issue with the wings,” Sam admits. “If you can eliminate that problem altogether, go right ahead. But I don’t know how comfortable I am having you mess around with the rest of the wings’ functionality and design. You change too much up and I’m basically gonna have to learn how to use an entirely new set of gear.”

“It wouldn’t be that bad…” Tony tries to protest, but Steve cuts him off.

“Tony, you’ve done that with all of us before,” he says, and he’s smiling gently, as if trying to ease the blow of his words- which is stupid in and of itself because Tony knows he’s gone overboard with everyone’s gear before, so it’s not like this is a huge surprise to him or anything.

“I know that, Cap,” he snaps before he can stop himself and he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, and adds, “Sorry, sorry. Look, Wilson, I’ll overhaul the wings so they use a new safer, fuel system but there’s gonna have to be some changes to the whole set-up to account for the new power source. I’ll try to keep the modifications to a minimum, but-”

“You do what you have to do,” Sam says. “Make the wings safer, and I’ll live with whatever else you have to change. As long as you’re only making necessary changes for now.”

Tony smirks and draws an X over his heart. “I promise,” he says, still with maybe a bit too much snark in his voice, but apparently this is as good as they’re going to get from him today. Jesus, he knew he was worked up over everything with Pepper but this amount of irritation bleeding over into the rest of his life is just fucking ridiculous.

“Good. So since that’s settled, Tony, where do you want us to leave the wings?” Steve asks.

Tony waves a hand in the direction of the closest bench. “Wherever,” he starts to say but then he thinks about it and quickly changes his mind. “No, wait, there’s a cabinet over against the far wall. JARVIS, can you unlock…?” The top drawer unlocks with an audible _snick_ and slides open as Sam walks over. “Leave them in there. The bots aren’t supposed to touch shit I leave out, but that doesn’t mean they don’t sometimes get curious. And yes, I’m talking to you, Dummy, you are the absolute worst, you are the-”

Dummy sets his camera down on top of Tony’s head, peering over the tufts of Tony’s messy hair to watch Sam as he locks up the wings and walks back across the room. Behind him Tony hears Steve trying to smother a laugh and Tony just sighs, because what else is there to do when this is his life?

“This is Dummy, I assume?” Sam asks, stopping a few feet in front of Tony and looking at the bot curiously. “Steve was telling me about your bots before we came down.”

“Yeah. His brothers are over in their charging stations where they’re _supposed_ to be,” Tony says, flicking his eyes up to stare meaningfully at Dummy. “Not wandering around the lab, terrorizing me and the guests…”

Sam laughs. “He doesn’t seem to be doing much terrorizing,” he says, holding out a hand to Dummy. “Hey. I’m Sam. You gonna be helping Tony with my wings?”

“He doesn’t exactly _help_ with anything. He just gets in my way all the damn time,” Tony mutters, but some of his annoyance is fading away. Sam is clearly treating Dummy like an intelligent creation- and calling him _he_ , which always earns people points with both Tony and JARVIS. And maybe that’s a little sad that that’s enough to clear up some of Tony’s foul mood, but Tony’s bots are the closest thing to children that Tony is ever going to have. Showing them a little bit of respect means a lot- it always has, and it always will.

Dummy wheels out from behind him to inspect the hand that Sam’s holding out. He grabs it gently, turning it over to study it from every angle, before gently shaking it once and wheeling across the workshop- towards the kitchenette and the _blender_ oh god, no-

“And that’s our signal to clear out,” Tony says, ushering Steve and Sam towards the elevator. “Before he comes back with a smoothie that’s more motor oil than anything else.”

Steve pulls Tony aside just as they reach the guest floor that Tony is partially converting into a suite for Sam. “Everything okay?” he asks in a low voice. Ahead of them, Sam is already talking to one of the designers that Tony had brought in.

“Everything is fine, Capsicle,” Tony tells him.

Steve raises an eyebrow at that. “Really? So you were snapping at Sam and I for no reason then?”

Tony sighs, rolling his eyes. “Look, I have a lot of Stark Industries shit on my plate still. I’m a little overworked at the moment, you know that, and losing all day yesterday to that mission didn’t help. Cut me some slack, Rogers, for fuck’s sake.”

Steve’s frown only deepens at Tony’s choice of words but he relents. “Alright. But if you need anything from any of us…”

“I’ll be sure to let you know, yeah, thanks,” Tony says, and brushes past Steve to catch up with Sam. The last thing he’ll ever do is talk to Captain America, or anyone else on the team, about his personal problems with Pepper… but he appreciates the reminder that they do care. No matter what happens in his personal life, at least there’s more people in his corner now than there ever was before. 

XXXXX

Monday dawns with a packed schedule, courtesy of JARVIS, and a new appointment request, courtesy of Pepper. Tony stares at the request as he waits for his coffee to finish brewing, turning it over in his head. Pepper’s never sent a formal request out of the blue like this, not without so much as a phone call before hand. Even with her “put something on my calendar” comment yesterday, this is odd and it does nothing to make Tony feel better about the mess he’s found himself in.

He turns down the request with one swipe of his hand and with a few additional taps he marks that block of time in his calendar simply as “PR”. Tony had issued a statement about the mission late on Saturday night, but with the weekend over he needed to make sure the media side of things was well-handled. And, of course, Pepper wouldn’t question a last-minute addition to his schedule if it was to deal with Avengers PR business.

He ignores the twinge of guilt that he feels at that thought and reminds himself that he’ll meet with her eventually as he continues to scroll through his appointments for the day: a couple of hours down in the SI labs, then back up to his own workshop to keep tinkering with the Falcon wings before an equipment check with Clint and a block of time to work on his own projects. 

Tuesday’s schedule is much the same: the rescheduled finance meeting with Steve and his gear check, a conference call with Malibu R&D, and an equipment check for Bruce. Not that the Hulk needs much in the way of gear, but Tony always uses the meeting as an excuse to make sure that _Bruce_ has everything he needs. Sometimes the man doesn’t hesitate to voice his complaints; sometimes, he’ll go weeks without mentioning that he needs something for his lab. Thor, who got back in town on Sunday, also requires little in the way of equipment maintenance- but it’s nice to take a couple of hours and catch up with the guy anyway.

Tony doesn’t see Pepper at all. She keeps sending him requests for meetings; he keeps turning them down and adding more items to his calendar. Tony keeps waiting for the panic still clawing at his throat to disappear, but every time he sees a new request from Pepper it surges back in full-force. He’s taken to staying down in workshop any time he doesn’t have a meeting on the Stark Industries floors, because he still has no idea what he’ll do if he wanders upstairs and has to finally face her. 

Of course, it doesn’t quite register that this means he’s also inadvertently avoiding his teammates as well until Natasha corners him in the stairwell on his way back down to his workshop late Tuesday night. 

“Are you avoiding us?”

Tony curses loudly when Natasha speaks. “I swear to god, one day you’re actually going to kill me by doing that!” he snaps as he turns to face her, one hand instinctively covering his arc reactor and the other brandishing a folder of documents that he has to sign, as if somehow it would make a suitable weapon. “Do you do this to the rest of the PTSD-ridden people in this Tower, or just me?”

“You aren’t that special. I do the same thing to Clint and Steve,” Natasha says. “Keeps them on their toes.”

“I don’t believe you. Not even the Black Widow would be that stupidly reckless,” Tony says, although with the smirk on Natasha’s face he can’t actually be sure if she’s telling the truth or not. “What do you want anyway?”

“Are you avoiding us?” Natasha asks, and it’s only after hearing the question repeated that Tony remembers her asking that when she snuck up behind him. 

It still takes another moment for Tony’s brain to come back online enough for him to answer. “What? No, why would I be?”

“You’ve been hiding down in the workshop for days,” Natasha says. “Steve says you’ve been working on Stark Industries projects and I know you have Sam’s wings to mess around with now, but you’re making it a point to not come upstairs when any of us could be around.”

“Maybe I just don’t want to get distracted by whatever inane argument you guys are having today,” Tony replies, because there’s no way he can tell her that it’s not _them_ he’s avoiding without getting more questions thrown at him. “Ever think of that, Romanov?”

“The last time you avoided us like this it was because we had made you uncomfortable after you came out to us. The time before that was because we were being arophobic and you were rightfully upset with us,” Natasha says bluntly. “If we’ve done anything to make you feel-”

“What? No!” Tony says. “No, no, no! You guys can’t seriously think that every time I spend more than a day down in my workshop it’s because I’m avoiding you specifically! Let alone avoiding you because of arophobia! That’s fucking ridiculous!”

“It would make sense,” Natasha says. “We still say inappropriate things sometimes and-”

“Oh come on,” Tony scoffs. “You guys aren’t as bad as you think you are. At most I’ve asked you to cut it out and you’ve stopped without any problems. I don’t get why you’re all hung up on this over-the-top self-flagellation, and I don’t get why everything I do is suddenly connected to me being aromantic!”

Natasha is silent for a moment, studying him carefully and weighing his words. “You’re right, Stark,” she says at last. “It was inappropriate of me to jump to this particular conclusion. I’m… sorry.”

“Glad to know this merits an actual apology for you,” Tony mutters and, yeah, he knows exactly how rude that comment is- but at least Natasha doesn’t look like she wants to murder him for it.

“I… understand if I’ve made this situation awkward,” she says slowly and oh god, no, Tony is not having her tiptoe around whatever else is on her mind.

“Just spit it out, Nat, I don’t have time for you being that careful about whatever you want to ask,” Tony says.

“How do you know I want to ask anything?” Natasha counters.

“Because you always want to ask something and that is definitely your question-asking face,” Tony says. This has become a fairly standard routine for the two of them, ever since he came out nine months ago, although Pepper is usually Natasha’s first choice for information on aromantic identities. “If you were going to yell at me about something, you would’ve lead with that instead of asking if I was avoiding you. Now that you’ve apologized you aren’t going to throw one of my many recent failings in my face, so you have a question to ask.”

“Sometimes it’s actually annoying how observant you can be,” Natasha remarks.

Tony snorts. “Funnily enough, you are not the first angry, red-haired woman to say that to me.”

“I imagine you’ve given Pepper plenty of opportunities to use that line, so I’m not surprised,” Natasha says, and her smirk actually almost looks like a genuine smile for once. “And, speaking of Pepper actually-”

“What about Pepper?” Tony interrupts, and he knows immediately that his words are too sharp for the easy banter they’ve been having. 

Natasha picks up on it immediately, of course she does, and her eyes narrow in suspicion. “I was getting clarification on something I had read about aromantic identities, since you’ve been holed up in your workshop and I couldn’t ask you,” Natasha says slowly. “Pepper wouldn’t answer though and to me to talk to you instead.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, no, that’s fine.” Tony tries to ignore the way his heart is still racing in his chest. This is ridiculous, there’s no fucking way he should be this panicked just because _someone else_ mentions Pepper. “I get _that_ part, I get it, I just meant… What were you talking to her about?”

“Is everything alright with you and Pepper?” Natasha asks in lieu of answering Tony’s question. 

Fucking _damnit_. 

“Everything is fine. We’ve just been fighting about Stark Industries stuff, and the last thing I need is for the team to start bothering me about that too,” Tony lies, hoping that Natasha doesn’t feel like prying for information tonight.

And it would seem like, for once, luck is in Tony’s favor. “I have to worry about you as part of the Avengers. I don’t have time to also get involved with your Stark Industries affairs,” Natasha tells him.

“Yeah and where would the fun be in doing that a second time, right?” Tony asks with a wide grin.

The disgusted look Natasha gives him makes the small jab so worth it. And, bonus, she’s now distracted from Tony’s earlier freak-out at the mention of Pepper. As long as she can’t tell that Tony’s heart is still racing a little too much, everything should be fine now.

“Anyway, your question…?” Tony prompts after a few moments of Natasha just glaring at him but not saying anything. He draws out the word _question_ for way longer than is necessary, long enough to get Natasha rolling her eyes at him.

Sometimes it’s just too easy to wind the agent up. Tony knows that she plays along to amuse him but, hey, it’s still fun.

“I had a question about aromantic identities,” Natasha repeats. “Specifically, about how you identify. And why you chose the labels that you did.”

Tony waits a moment for her to continue, before realizing that she’s looking for a response from him that it’s okay to ask whatever question is on her mind. “Yeah, go ahead and ask away,” he says. He shifts the stack of folders and tablets in his arms, trying to bring his probably-now-cold cup of coffee up to his mouth.

“You told us that you’re aromantic and romance-repulsed,” Natasha says as Tony manages to take a strangled gulp of coffee. “You specifically used those words to describe yourself. But there’s a label for aromantic people who are also romance-repulsed-”

“Apothiromantic,” Tony cuts in. “Yeah, I know.” And thank you, Bruce, for introducing him to that shiny new word.

“Then why don’t you identify with that label?” Natasha asks. “Why have two separate identities when there’s one word to describe both of them?”

Tony shrugs. “I identified as aromantic first. The romance-repulsion is an afterthought, in a way. It’s never been important enough to me to have one word to describe both things.”

“But if the word already exists-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Tony interrupts. “I don’t want to use it. I don’t see the point in using it. Especially since the romance-repulsion isn’t always a hard-and-fast line for me. I don’t see the point in exclusively identifying with one term when I can identify as aromantic and add on the romance-repulsion as needed.”

Natasha cocks her head at Tony’s explanation, clearly not expecting that response. “Do you not always identify with the romance-repulsed label?” she asks.

“Look, labels aren’t a huge thing for me,” Tony says. “Most of the time I hate being involved in romantic gestures or being around people who are talking about that stuff, but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I even enjoy romantic things, as long as they’re with people I trust.” Tony tries not to think about whether that would still include Pepper or not. “This shit isn’t an exact science, if you haven’t figured that out yet. I’m fine using a couple different labels as needed, when I need to use one at all.”

“Would you ever use a label like grey-aromantic instead of just aromantic?” Natasha asks.

Tony snorts. “I still don’t experience romantic attraction, Nat. That doesn’t change like the romance-repulsion.”

“But if the romance-repulsion changes depending on your circumstance, why can’t the romantic attraction?” she counters. “Why is one a hard line and the other isn’t?”

“Because it just is,” Tony snaps. His arms are starting to shake and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s not from the strain of carrying his pile of miscellany for so long; his whole body is shaking, his heart is racing again, and there’s a thought in the back of his mind: _What if Natasha is right?_

“That’s not- you can’t-” He’s floundering, suddenly in way over his head with this conversation, and he needs to leave. _Now._

“You don’t get to decide what labels I should or shouldn’t use,” he snaps, using that anger to carry him through the rest of this conversation. “I don’t feel romantic attraction.” _Or does he?_ “And I think I would know what my own goddamned romantic orientation is.” _But would he?_ _Pepper found the term aromantic and Tony’s never been big on the whole soul-searching thing…_

“Tony, that’s not what I meant-”

“Whatever,” Tony mutters and pushes past Natasha so he can leave the stairwell and this discussion. “Look, maybe next time don’t interrogate me and insinuate that I’m using the wrong labels. Just a word of advice, Romanov.”

Tony knows what it looks like, storming away from Natasha and making a beeline for the workshop, but there’s nowhere else he can go right now- not the communal floors, not the SI offices, not even the penthouse where everything shows Pepper’s hand in the design. The workshop is safe, and he can keep working on the Falcon wings and the quinjet rebuild and every Avengers project that Pepper has no involvement in.

_If the romance-repulsion changes depending on your circumstance, why can’t the romantic attraction?_

“JARVIS, total workshop lockdown,” Tony calls out as he enters the space. “Including Pepper and Rhodey. No one gets in, understand?”

“Are you sure that’s wise, Sir? You appear to be in some distress.”

_Why is one a hard line and the other isn’t?_

Tony laughs, a little hysterically. “I’m just fucking peachy, J.”

Damn Natasha, damn her all to hell for having to question him about _this_ , of all things, especially now! Tony cares about Pepper and Rhodey, sure, he’s always been aware of that, but Natasha’s comment has thrown him into an absolute spiral. His mind has gotten stuck on a single, panicked thought: simply, _What if I actually romantically love them?_

How is he even supposed to know anyway? It’s not like Tony’s ever loved anyone before- not that he’s been aware of, anyway, and- oh, god, what if he has been in love before but just didn’t know? Pepper and Rhodey have always been different than everyone else in his life, he’s always known that… but what if that difference has always been a _romantic_ one?

“Do you require assistance?” JARVIS asks, ignoring Tony’s previous sarcastic response with ease.

“Unless you can help me figure out what romantic love looks like, no, I don’t need help,” Tony grumbles, pressing one hand into his eyes and trying to calm the fuck down. This is stupid. He shouldn’t be having a near panic attack about this. So what if he’s maybe not as aromantic as he thought? What does that matter anyway?

“Unfortunately that emotional experience is outside the parameters of my code,” JARVIS replies. “However I can bring up several websites if you wished to gain a some perspective, or can I call Ms. Potts-”

“No, do not call Pepper!” Tony orders, a new spike of terror rushing through him. God, if Pepper found out that Tony is questioning his feelings towards her- now, of all times, when she’s probably planning on leaving him anyway… “Don’t call Pepper, don’t call Rhodey, don’t call _anyone_ , JARVIS! No one is to hear about any of this, got it?”

“Yes, Sir,” JARVIS says, though he doesn’t sound like he approves. 

That’s fine, though. Tony doesn’t need JARVIS’s approval, he just… he just needs…

He has no fucking idea what he needs. He has no idea what to do here, what the next step needs to be. The problem is that it would just make too much sense, if Tony loved Pepper and Rhodey… or at least, if he loved _Pepper_. It would explain why he’s been so worked up and so panicked about the very _possibility_ of her leaving, when there’s no rational reason for him to feel that way. There’s a reason to feel that anxious, if his feelings were actually romantic...

Tony slams a fist down on one of the workstations, ignoring the way it sends tools rolling across the surface and the pain it shoots up his arm. “ _Damnit_ , what the fuck does it matter anyway?” he growls low under his breath. Why does any of this matter if Pepper is planning on ending things with him?

Well. It’s a good thing Tony has enough projects in his queue to keep him busy in his workshop for the next week, at least, because if he couldn’t figure out what to say to Pepper before… he has no idea what he’s supposed to say to her now. 

 

**Then - March 2009**

Happy is worried about her. He keeps glancing in the rearview mirror, like he thinks she hasn’t noticed, and tries to draw her into a conversation once or twice. Pepper appreciates his efforts, she truly does, but Pepper doesn’t want to talk about why she’s running away from Tony’s house. She especially doesn’t want to say anything to someone like Happy, who could inadvertently say the wrong thing to Tony later and make things worse than they already are. 

Pepper hates herself for thinking like that, especially about a dear friend like Happy, but she still can’t take that risk. She wants to come up with a solution to whatever the hell happened down in the workshop today. Not make the situation worse. 

Pepper’s apartment in Malibu isn’t exactly small- Tony gifted her a penthouse apartment one year and he never does anything by halves- and it has the advantage of having JARVIS integrated with her security system. The AI doesn’t have the same amount of access that he has in Tony’s spaces, but it’s enough for him to patch through a call for her as soon as she walks into her home.

“Peps! Wasn’t expecting a call from you tonight!” her sister says cheerfully as soon as the call goes through. “What’s going on in sunny Malibu?”

Pepper smiles at the sound of her sister’s voice. “Hey, Sabrina. How are you?”

“Mm, now I know that something’s wrong,” Sabrina says. “Talk to me, Pepper. What did that boss of yours do now?”

Pepper sighs and kicks off her shoes. Her hair gets pulled down from the tight bun and her jewelry carefully removed as she says, "I accidentally told Tony I loved him. He freaked out, said he's never loved anyone romantically, and then kicked me out of the house and threatened to fire me if I didn't stop loving him immediately."

There’s a long silence from the other end of the phone, long enough for Pepper to make it into her bedroom and start getting changed into her comfortable lounge clothes- clothes that she doesn’t get to wear nearly as often as she would like. An unfortunate side-effect of working the job that she does.

“Well, you definitely don’t do anything by halves,” Sabrina finally says with a small, nervous laugh. “What’s the plan of attack here?”

And this is exactly why Pepper called Sabrina instead of anyone else in her family. Even though she's still young enough to be finishing up a grad program on the East Coast, she's always been the most level-headed in situations like this. Sabrina has so much energy that it surprises even Pepper sometimes, and she’s never afraid of jumping right in and fixing other people’s problems. Pepper hated that when they were growing up, but it’s a trait she admires and appreciates now.

“I don’t know, Rina,” Pepper admits as she makes her way back into the living room. “I mean, Tony has to have loved people before, everyone does eventually. So if I can… I don’t know, if I can figure out why he thinks he’s incapable of loving people, maybe…”

“Woah, Pep, slow down a sec,” her sister says. “I know your boss is a bit of a diva-”

“He’s not that bad, Rina, honestly,” Pepper says, rolling her eyes even though obviously her sister can’t see the gesture. 

“Fine, _superhero_ diva, my mistake,” Sabrina says sarcastically. Pepper has to stifle a giggle because she knows for a fact that her sister frequents several of those Iron Man watch sites that Pepper was complaining about just a few hours earlier. “But- look, that’s not the point here. Maybe this isn’t just another unnecessary freak out on his part. He might just not love anyone, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Nothing wrong with that?” Pepper echoes with an incredulous laugh. “Come on, Sabrina, really? _Everybody_ falls in love at some point in their lives.”

“Actually, no,” Sabrina says. “There’s a girl here on campus who identifies as aromantic, meaning she doesn’t experience romantic attraction at all.”

Pepper frowns. “That’s a thing?”

“Apparently it is,” Sabrina says. “I mean this is the first I’ve heard of it, but according to this girl there’s a lot of people who use this label. Would it really be that outrageous for Tony to identify the same way?”

“But he’s always sleeping around-”

“Pepper, since when does sleeping with someone mean that you have to love them?” Sabrina interrupts. “Come on. I know you’re smarter than that.”

“Shut up,” Pepper grumbles. She’s still turning Sabrina’s theory over in her head, trying to make sense of it because it just sounds crazy to her. How can someone not feel romantic love? How is that even possible?

But this is Tony. There are already a lot of things about him that she doesn’t understand: his obsession with the Iron Man armor; the way he loses track of time in his workshop; why he keeps putting himself in the spotlight when he knows the press will drag him through the mud again. So maybe Tony doesn’t feel romantic love. Pepper doesn’t need to understand that to accept it as a fact about him. 

“Okay. Maybe you’re right,” Pepper says at last. “God knows he’s never had a relationship as long as I’ve known him, and JARVIS says that he’s never known Tony to have a romantic relationship either-”

“Because getting intel on your boss from the AI he created isn’t weird or creepy at all,” Sabrina interrupts.

Pepper chooses to ignore her entirely; that’s usually the best course to take with Sabrina’s sarcasm. “-so maybe it’s possible that he’s telling the truth and he’s never romantically loved anyone before. And maybe that reason is because he’s aromantic.”

“I’m glad you’re finally feeling this theory.”

“None of that,” Pepper continues, “does _anything_ to help me figure out how I’m supposed to keep my job!”

“I thought you were only going to lose your job if you keep loving Stark.”

Pepper sighs in frustration. “Yes, Rina, that’s exactly why I’m having this problem.”

“Well, why don’t you just stop loving him then?” her sister asks.

It’s silent for the long moment it takes for Pepper to process Sabrina’s words. “ _What?_ ”

“Look, there’s two options here: Either you convince him that you don’t actually love him, or you lose your job,” Sabrina explains. “It doesn’t matter how you actually feel, as long as you can convince Tony that it’s true.”

“You want me to lie to my boss,” Pepper says bluntly. 

Now it was Sabrina’s turn to sigh in frustration. “Look, Pep, I’m gonna be honest here for a moment. Your relationship with Tony is already so weird that there’s no way I, or anyone else, can tell if you love him romantically or not. Maybe you do love him and you’ve just been repressing it to a frightening degree up until now. Or maybe you don’t love him and you’re just confused because you barely have recognizable boundaries with him as it is. I can’t tell you which this is. What I can tell you is that unless you lie to him tomorrow morning? You’re gonna lose that job, and you’re gonna lose him from your life. And then it won’t matter if you really love him or not.”

Pepper bites her lip and thinks about what Sabrina is saying. She knows her sister isn’t exactly wrong; more than one family member has made similar comments about her and Tony over the years and Pepper has always known that they were at least a little bit true. But lying to Tony…?”

“I can do it,” Pepper says at last. “Lie to Tony, I mean. I can do it.”

“Always knew you could,” Sabrina says, sounding amused. 

Pepper is less amused by the situation and certainly not thrilled with having to lie to Tony… but it is the plan that makes the most sense. At least until she figures out for sure what her feelings for Tony are. Then she’ll come clean to him. 

“Hey, Rina?” Pepper says as a new thought occurs to her. “Could you find me some websites or articles about being aromantic? If that’s really what’s going on here… I think I should read up on it.” She has no choice but to read up on it, not unless she wants to put her foot in her mouth and fight with Tony again. 

“Oh, I did that ten minutes ago,” Sabrina says cheerfully. “You should have a list of things to check out waiting for you in your email.”

Pepper can’t help but laugh. Of course her sister already sent her links. “Thanks, Rina,” she says, and finds that she sincerely means it. She might not have all the answers she needs yet, but at least she’s starting to get there. 

“Don’t mention it, Peps,” Sabrina says. “Just let me know how this all goes down, yeah? I’m dying to know if I’m gonna get see a wedding announcement or not.”

“Probably _or not_ ,” Pepper says, “considering he’s likely aromantic, according to what you’ve said anyway.”

“Eh, aromantic doesn’t mean he won’t want to marry anyone,” Sabrina says. “Aromanticism isn’t synonymous with romance repulsion, you know?”

No, Pepper does not know, but she figures that makes about as much sense as the rest of their conversation so far. “I’ll give you a call after I talk to him tomorrow to give you an update,” Pepper promises her anyway, and she absolutely means it.

Once the call disconnects and she’s yet again faced with the reality of having to, somehow, talk to Tony about all of this, most of Pepper’s optimism vanishes. On the one hand, if Tony’s reaction today is because he’s aromantic- or romance repulsed, or anything else for that matter- then that’s… fine. It _has_ to be fine, because that’s not something that Pepper can or even wants to change. Even if she never fully understands it

But- oh, god, Pepper does not want to be the one to have this conversation with him! _So, Tony, I was talking to my younger sister and we think you’re probably aromantic which means you don’t experience romantic attraction! How does that sound to you?_

Yeah, that’s probably not going to go over that well.

Or maybe everything will be fine. If Tony really hates romance as much as he insinuated then maybe he’ll be relieved that he doesn’t have to worry about unexpectedly developing romantic feelings for someone…. assuming that that’s actually how any of this works, because Pepper is completely outside her realm of experience here. Which is exactly why Pepper should absolutely not be the one to have this conversation with Tony!

Except there’s no one else who could have this conversation. She is to blame for this mess, after all. She could argue that Tony is responsible for their fight too, but there’s no denying that she hurt him worse than he hurt her. At this point she can just hope that he’ll accept her apology and they can fix everything that she very nearly ruined.

Pepper orders takeout and starts going through the websites Sabrina sent over while she waits for her food to arrive. She’s surprised to see that most of the links lead to blog posts, although maybe that’s not that unusual. Pepper has no idea how many people identify this way, and her own cursory Google search doesn’t turn up many resources beyond what Sabrina gave her. Thank god her sister has always been involved in the LGBT groups on her campus and has access to more information than most.

Knowing that she can’t put this off forever, Pepper picks a few of the links at random and starts to read them. Some of the blog posts appear to be mostly informative, others more personal. The personal ones are harder to get through, but Pepper forces herself to read every word of them.

_I thought there was something wrong with me…_

_All my friends were dating so I did too, but I never felt any different towards my boyfriends than I did my platonic friends…_

_I pretended to be happier being single but I was miserable because everyone always seemed intent on reminding me that my life couldn’t be complete unless I loved someone…_

_I liked the idea of being in love with someone but I always panicked when someone tried to ask me out. I didn’t like being in a relationship in reality, even if I liked reading about it in books…_

_I like going on dates, I like kissing my partners, I like cuddling with them. But the way I feel about them isn’t romantic even if I don’t know if it’s entirely platonic…_

There’s so much new information that Pepper’s head is spinning, but while the terminology may be new the feelings in those personal blogs certainly aren’t. Pepper has identified as bisexual for years and she still remembers the hurt of being a teenager and getting told, _“Why can’t you just pick one or the other?”_ She would imagine that being aromantic and being told _“You’ll fall in love eventually!”_ is a similar feeling and Pepper feels sick about the things she had said to Tony earlier.

Thinking about that only makes Pepper realize, in a moment of terrifying revelation, just how much people talk about romantic love on a daily basis. When you start factoring in not only personal conversations with friends but the influence of the media- which included everything from the vampire romance craze to celebrity wedding gossip- how much of one person’s day involved hearing about romance? Maybe that was fine if you didn’t mind that stuff, but if you hated romance to the degree that Tony apparently did… 

God, how does Tony deal with it? Pepper knows how the press just _loves_ to print trashy articles speculating about his love life. While Tony doesn’t exactly “grin and bear it” he also doesn’t go out of his way to make more of a fuss about those articles than any other faux-news about his life that makes headlines. Not that he could really make a fuss if he wanted to, not without the media getting wind of _that_ and running wild with it…

Tony’s reaction to the things Pepper said made a lot more sense now. Pepper is pretty sure she would lash out like that too, if until that point she had never been able to fight back at all. 

Pepper has very few doubts, at this point, that Tony is aromantic- at least as near as she can tell, without actually knowing what he’s feeling. (It’s possible that he’s grey-aromantic, what with the volume of identities that fall under _that_ umbrella. There’s just so many new labels that Pepper didn’t even know existed and to be honest, it’s a little overwhelming.) She still has to talk to Tony about this, of course, and try to save her job, and-

And sort out her feelings for Tony. The most important part of this whole mess. 

Although, really, there’s nothing to sort out. Pepper knows herself, and even if she hadn’t meant to say anything to Tony earlier she wouldn’t have said what she did unless there was a grain of truth in it.

“I love Tony,” she says aloud, and how ironic that the words feel so right to say. “I love Tony Stark.”

She loves him. She loves his unpredictable moods and his manic whims and his deranged creations. She loves the way he fights with her when she’s looking for a fight and talks her down when she needs to be calmed down. She hates how he showers her with gifts instead of talking, but she loves that she can read the messages behind everything he gives her. She loves that she’s come to know him, to understand him- but mostly she wants to learn more. She wants the opportunity to know more about him, to become even closer to him, to keep him in her life no matter what form that relationship takes.

And that relationship can’t be romantic.

It just can’t.

If Tony is aromantic- the sort of aromantic where he’ll never feel romantic love for her and probably never want a relationship with romantic overtones- then it would be wrong of her to push for that, to want that, to _love_ him like that. If it would make Tony uncomfortable, if it would go acutely against everything Tony wants… then she can’t want it either.

It hurts to realize that. It hurts and Pepper wants to laugh, because until her disastrous fight with Tony that afternoon she didn’t even think that she loved him. Loving Tony Stark was the furthest thing from her mind, until she had to go and ruin everything earlier that day.

She doesn’t know how to handle this, how she’s supposed to react to everything she’s figuring out. She loves Tony Stark, she loves her _boss_ of all people, the one person in the world that she’s not supposed to fall for and she went and fell in love with him anyway!

And it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because Tony doesn’t love her back, and he’ll probably never love her back and never even want to reciprocate her feelings anyway. That’s what hurts the most, that she’s realizing this and it means nothing- it means less than nothing, because she can never tell him. She can’t tell Tony because this isn’t his burden to bear. This is her problem to work through, her emotions that need to be dealt with. Telling him that she loves him, after how many hours she’s spent reading post after post about how other aromantic people feel about that? That’s _cruelty_ , plain and simple.

And Virginia Potts will never be cruel to Tony Stark. She’ll scream at him, she’ll fight with him about every little inane thing under the sun, but she will not be purposefully cruel to him like that. Too many people in Tony’s life have been cruel, have used him for their own purposes. Pepper refuses to be another.

Pepper knows that Sabrina was right. Lying is her only option here. Not only to avoid hurting Tony further, but to protect herself. Telling the truth means losing one of her closest friends. That’s what’s important here, not any job in the world. She knows it’s wrong, knows that her feelings matter less than Tony’s do in this particular situation… but god help her, she can’t destroy this one bright part of her life. 

Pepper rubs at her temple, feeling a headache starting to build there, and says aloud, “JARVIS, I need to speak with Tony tomorrow. Can you… can you let him know I’d like a chance to apologize, please?”

After a moment, JARVIS says, “Sir has availability at eleven-thirty tomorrow morning.” It’s such a formal response from Tony that Pepper has to take a deep breath to steady herself. First thing tomorrow, she’s going to apologize for everything she said to him today. 

“Please tell Tony I’ll meet him at his house then.” To apologize, and then somehow explain that she thinks Tony is aromantic. 

“Very well, Ms. Potts, I shall inform him.”

And, during every second of that conversation, she’s going to have to lie about her own feelings. Even now, knowing that there’s no better option, Pepper dreads having to do that. 

 

**Now - May 2015 - Thursday**

By the time the call from Rhodey finally comes through, Tony has been anticipating it for so long that it’s almost relief to no longer be waiting. He has JARVIS patch the call through (with the video, thank you very much, no need to repeat what happened with Pepper) even though his heart is hammering in his chest. He still hasn’t figured out if he possibly loves either or both of his partners romantically- still has no idea _how_ to figure that out- and given what Rhodey must be calling about Tony knows that this conversation is going to be uncomfortable.

But Rhodey is still Rhodey and Tony is still glad to see him, even in the middle of all of Tony’s self-inflicted crises.

Rhodey offers Tony a tired grin once the call goes through. “Heya, Tones. How have you been?”

“Eh, you know how it is,” Tony says vaguely. “Been busy.”

“So I hear,” Rhodey says. “Pepper forwarded me a copy of your calendar. That’s an impressive amount of meetings you’ve been going to over the last week.”

They both know where this conversation is going and Tony would prefer to get it over with as quick as possible. Unfortunately there’s no way to do that without being pushy bordering on rude and Tony really, really doesn’t want to get into a fight with Rhodey today. So Tony bites back the accusatory _And what else did Pepper tell you about me?_ and instead says, “No different than how things were the last time you were up this way. That’s just life when you’re doing the work of three full-time jobs.”

“You could always cut back. Give the PR work over to someone else, at least,” Rhodey says. “You’d have time to talk to Pepper if you did.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tony says with feigned innocence. 

“Oh really? Because according to Pepper you’ve been avoiding her since Sunday,” Rhodey says and he doesn’t sound amused. “She says you aren’t putting her calls through and every meeting request gets turned down, and the time slot filled with something else.”

“Coincidence. I thought you said you saw my calendar? Obviously I’ve been busier than usual this last week,” Tony says. It’s not exactly a lie, even if his busyness is an intentional attempt to stay away from Pepper.

There’s no way he can explain that to Rhodey, though. It’s bad enough that Tony’s actions have forced Rhodey to intervene between Tony and Pepper. They all try to stay out of disputes involving only the other two in their relationship, for everyone’s well-being. For Rhodey to go against that now means Tony has really fucked up, and Tony almost has to literally bite his tongue to keep from explaining everything. He’s accepted that his relationship with Pepper is going to end, but what about Pepper’s relationship with Rhodey? If it’s doomed to end as well then Tony doesn’t want to tell Rhodey now and make him as miserable as Tony is.

But without knowing any of that, there’s only one way that Rhodey is going to interpret Tony’s response. And sure enough he rolls his eyes, sighs, and says, “Come on, Tony. If something’s wrong you know you can tell me.”

No, he can’t. “Everything’s fine. Just busy,” Tony lies and, because he’s an asshole even to the people he cares about, he adds, “I’m not dying of palladium poisoning again, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Rhodey said, quiet and a little hurt because even if it’s not his fault that Tony lied to him about dying last time Rhodey hasn’t forgiven himself for his role in those disastrous weeks. 

Even though Tony is the one who made the comment he has to glance away from the call screen; he can’t stand seeing that look on Rhodey’s face, not when everything that happened- and is currently happening- is Tony’s fault alone. “I’ve just been busy,” he says for the third time. He knows it sounds pathetic and unconvincing, but he doesn’t know what other lie there is to tell.

Rhodey sighs again and Tony tries not to flinch at the sound. “Alright, Tony, I’ll buy it- if you agree to talk to Pepper tomorrow. I happen to know that both you and Pepper have our usual Friday night slot still open.”

Tony knows that that particular time slot isn’t _open_ on his calendar. It’s just blocked off with the usual cryptic label of “Standing Appointment”. He doesn’t know how it’s marked on Pepper’s calendar, if it’s marked with a similar notation or truly an _open_ block of time, and he has no way of asking without making Rhodey suspicious.

“Hey, I’ll meet her in our usual spot if that still works for her,” Tony says through the anxiety rising in his throat. He’s backed into a corner and he knows that there’s no way to get out of meeting with Pepper now, even if that’s still the last thing he wants to do. “I’ll even send her a message now to confirm.” A new holographic keyboard appears in front of Tony and, in full view of the call screen, he starts typing out an email to Pepper. 

“Or,” Rhodey says mildly, “you could just _call_ her.”

Tony is pretty sure that speaking to Pepper right now would kill him. As it is he has no idea what he’s going to say her _tomorrow_ , let alone _tonight_. “I can’t call her when I’m talking to you, sugarplum.”

“Then I’ll hang up.”

“No you won’t,” Tony replies. He’s unafraid to call that particular bluff but more importantly, he also lacks the energy required to manipulate Rhodey into hanging up anyway. His feelings for both his partners are still a jumbled mess and it hurts a little to look at Rhodey’s tired, bemused face and not know if his feelings for the man are platonic or romantic, but he’s spent so much time avoiding Pepper this week already. He can’t be expected to avoid Rhodey too. 

“I could,” Rhodey is saying, his tone thoughtful. “I’m going to be seeing you next week, after all.”

Tony remembers. He was looking forward to it, before this mess with Pepper started. Now he has no idea if the three of them are even going to be together by the time Rhodey finally hits New York. “You still wouldn’t hang up,” Tony says to avoid having to give the expected _I know, I can’t wait_ comments. 

“Hey now, you never know,” Rhodey says, which is as good as a _Probably not_. 

“Mmhm.”

Rhodey laughs “Shut the hell up and fill me in on Avengers gossip. I need to know what I’m gonna be walking into when I finally get home.”

Tony has to ignore the ache in his chest at Rhodey categorizing New York as _home_. “Not much new to report on. Thor’s back in town and we’re working on getting Wilson fully integrated into the team, so the Tower should be booming by the time you get here.” Though whether or not Pepper would be around too remains to be seen. “And Clint’s still dating Bobbi, to all of our surprise.”

“Hasn’t it only been three months?” Rhodey asks. “Who the hell was betting on them breaking up before now?”

“Uh, everyone?” Tony replies. “Seriously, Barton is the _worst_ at dating. I’m telling you, Rhodey, there’s no way in hell he’s alloro.”

Rhodey visibly raises an eyebrow at that. “Because only aromantics are allowed to be terrible at dating, huh?” he says, skepticism dripping from every word. 

“It’s not just the dating, it’s the way he talks and the- the, you know-” Tony waves a hand in a vague gesture. “-everything.”

“Have you considered,” Rhodey says slowly, “that if Clint was on the aromantic spectrum he would have realized this sometime between you coming out _nine months ago_ and now?”

“Please don’t underestimate how thick-skulled Barton can be,” Tony says, and Rhodey laughs. 

“Hey, uh, along those lines I actually have a question for you,” Tony continues. The question has been eating at him a little, ever since Rhodey called and they started talking, and he figures now is going to be the best opportunity he has to ask it. “You’re not still romantically in love with me, are you?”

“No, of course not,” Rhodey answers immediately, and then his eyes go wide and he yelps, “Shit! What the fuck, Tony?”

“Please, I’ve always known,” Tony says. “You weren’t exactly subtle, especially towards the end there.”

“You mean I was a downright ass to you,” Rhodey counters. 

Tony shrugs. “You weren’t that bad. And it’s not like I was much better, or like either of us knew being aro was even a thing. I was the dick for sleeping with you when I knew you liked me, liked me.”

“Liked you, liked you? What is this, middle school?” Rhodey says teasingly, but then he sighs and asks, “Why didn't you say anything?”

Tony shrugs. “I just never felt the need. You weren't saying anything so I ignored it at first. Then everything with Pepper blew up and I couldn't handle having that conversation with a second friend, because I knew you'd just lie to me like she did-”

“Of course you knew Pepper was lying too.” Rhodey shakes his head. “Well shit. We thought we were in the clear, because you only had the one fight with her.”

“Yeah, well, you were the one that made me realize that I didn't actually want to fire Pepper over this, when I called you freaking out after that fight,” Tony says. “When neither of you said or did anything to make me uncomfortable, I got good at ignoring that it was even there.”

Rhodey immediately gets a pained, guilt-ridden look on his face. It’s the type of look he only ever seems to get because of Tony, and Tony hates it and immediately tries to backtrack. “Look, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought this up, I shouldn’t have-”

“No, it’s fine,” Rhodey cuts in. “We should have said something a long time ago. I think you’re allowed to ask a couple of questions now.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” More uncomfortable than he already has, anyway. 

Rhodey chuckles, just a little, and teases, “Well I wasn’t worried about whatever you wanted to ask before, but now I’m not so sure.”

“You’re a fucking ass, you know that?” Tony says though it comes out sounding more fond than he had intended. This is the point where Tony needs to have a cheesy one-liner planned out to smoothly and suavely transition to his _real_ question of the evening, but his brain isn’t firing on enough cylinders to think of anything now. “How did you know you were in love with me?”

In any other circumstance Tony might have been able to time that question so he got a perfect spit-take from Rhodey. Instead Rhodey raises his eyebrows and asks, a little cautious, “Why do you want to know?”

“Because I don’t get it,” Tony says, and it’s not exactly a lie, is it? Even if he’s not asking out of simple curiosity. “I know what it looks like when people start showing romantic interest in me- you got real jealous, honeybear, and did not do a good job hiding it- but I don’t know what that feels like.” He frowns, and adds, a little quieter, “How can I be sure that I haven’t experience romantic attraction before, if I don’t even know what it’s supposed to feel like?”

“Uh, I think that’s a good sign that you haven’t experienced it before,” Rhodey says slowly. “It’s… I mean, it catches you off-guard the first few time, but you figure it out soon enough.”

“How?” Tony asks. He just _doesn’t understand_ , but maybe once he does he’ll be able to figure out if he loves Pepper or Rhodey- and hopefully before he now needs to meet with Pepper tomorrow. 

_Fuck_. What is he supposed to do if he ends up loving her anyway? Is he supposed to want her to love him back? The thought of being _in love_ with anyone, having that love reciprocated in any way, makes him want to vomit… but if it kept Pepper in his life…

Or maybe he’d be better off doing what Rhodey and Pepper did and lying about his feelings to them both for the next several years. That seems like a much better plan.

“You just… know.” Tony huffs in frustration at Rhodey’s answer, and gives his partner a glare when Rhodey starts chuckling at him. “Sorry, but I don’t know how to explain it. With you it was like… we’d always been friends, but I wanted to be _more_ of your friend. I knew you had specific personal boundaries but I wanted to be the exception to that. I wanted to be the only one sleeping with you. I wanted more than I knew I was going to get from you, and I didn’t care- I just wanted it anyway. But with you I really knew I was fucked when I started getting the butterflies.”

Tony snorts at that. “Really, Rhodey? The butterflies?”

“Don’t mock the butterflies, Tones,” Rhodey says, mock-warningly, and Tony laughs. “They’re cliched as hell but they’re fucking real and you do not doubt them.”

“Alright, alright,” Tony concedes. It’s easier than he thought it would be, talking about this with Rhodey, but he also doesn’t need _too_ many details. “So. Butterflies then?”

“Butterflies,” Rhodey echoes. “I’m only telling you this because I have enough blackmail on you to keep you quiet, but man I had the _worst_ butterflies for you when I fell. Every goddamned time I saw you my stomach went to knots! I felt like I couldn’t string together two sentences in front of you! I was an absolute _mess_.”

“I hadn’t noticed that part,” Tony says. He also hasn’t noticed any of that in his own interactions with Rhodey and Pepper- well, except stringing two sentences together but there are some days that he can’t speak two coherent sentences to _anyone_ , let alone Rhodey and Pepper. But he’s pretty sure that butterflies are nowhere in sight. 

He’s… not entirely sure how he feels about that. Relief, obviously, overwhelming relief because this means he’s probably not in love with either of them, right? He doesn’t know how he would have handled that, it would have meant redefining his entire relationship with them, would have meant choosing between lying or confessing this revelation to them- and _god_ , how would that have even gone with Pepper, now that they’re fighting all the time and there’s someone else in the picture?

But if he doesn’t love them- doesn’t love _Pepper_ \- then he’s back to having no idea why he’s so anxious about Pepper possibly ending- changing, _redefining_ \- their relationship. _Nothing would change_ , he reminds himself, _nothing but the sex and that doesn’t matter_ , but something would change, he knows it. Something that he can’t understand, that he can’t quite pinpoint, something that logically should make _no sense_ if it wasn’t based in romance-

Rhodey is still talking, something about _Obviously, you do realize that I didn’t want you to know, right?_ but Tony is only half-paying attention. He understands what Rhodey said, on a theoretical level at least, but he can’t really process it. He needs- he needs space, he suddenly just needs _space_ in the way his romance-repulsion suddenly makes him need _space._ He needs this conversation to be over _now_.

Tony is gearing up to interrupt Rhodey with some lie or explanation- he could go with the truth here and Rhodey will be okay with it, but the thought of having to admit even that much makes his skin crawl- when JARVIS suddenly speaks up. “Pardon me, Sir, but you have just received a high-priority message from the Malibu R&D department.”

Rhodey quirks an eyebrow at him. “Business calls, huh?” he says, having obviously heard what JARVIS said. 

“It would seem so,” Tony says, thankful beyond words that the interruption had come when it did. “JARVIS, who’s the message from and how concerned should I be?”

“It’s from Mx. Draper, Sir, and it appears to… be a resignation letter,” JARVIS says, sounding slightly puzzled. 

Tony eyes widen and on the video screen Rhodey looks at him with a similar level of shock. “You definitely need to deal with that,” Rhodey says, and Tony is so grateful that Rhodey understands enough details of the SI innerworkings that he immediately recognizes this for the emergency that it is. 

“Yeah, sorry, thanks- I’ll call you back later?” Tony says. He knows that Rhodey will understand that “later” could be anywhere from five minutes to five days from now. 

“Yeah, of course- just make sure you talk to Pepper tomorrow!” Rhodey says. 

“You fucking- of course I will!” Tony snaps, but Rhodey, laughing, has already ended the call. 

Tony sighs and rolls his eyes. He’ll talk to Pepper because he has no idea how to back out of that appointment now, but he has no idea what he’s going to say to her- and he has no time to figure it out because now, of all times, there’s a new Stark Industries crisis to deal with. 

“JARVIS, fill me in here, why is Tams resigning?” Tony asks, although he knows he’s not going to like the answer. Tamsyn Draper was not only his best engineer but also the only competent manager in that entire division, in Tony’s not-so-humble opinion; he would have promoted hir to head of the entire Malibu R&D department ages ago, if he could only find the evidence he needed to fire Hoffman for gross incompetence. 

JARVIS throws up the email on a screen for Tony to read as he explains, “Ze states that ze has had enough of cleaning up Hoffman’s messes and taking the blame for his, and I quote, “complete inability to do anything properly, in a timely manner, or with even the slightest shred of moral decency.” Ze has handed over the completed redesigns of the Avengers tech and hir resignation is effective immediately.”

“No. Absolutely unacceptable,” Tony snaps. “Get a message to Tams, set up a meeting with hir. Preferably tonight, but it’ll be… what, nearly eight by the time I get in?”

“Yes. Approximately.”

“So try for tomorrow then. As early as possible, so I can still make it to the Malibu offices with enough time to raise hell. And get my plane ready, I’d rather take an armor but I don’t need the media speculation right now.”

“I am attempting to contact Mx. Draper now, Sir.”

It feels like a small eternity to Tony’s well-frazzled nerves before JARVIS says, “I have sent a message to Mx. Draper and am awaiting hir reply, and your plane is being prepared. Shall I contact Ms. Potts as well?”

Tony bites his lip and tries to weigh his options. This is direct Stark Industries business and she is the CEO. Even if this is R&D business, and therefore under his purview, he should loop her in on what’s going on before he, in all likelihood, fires Hoffman and promotes Tams to interim director. But after his conversation with Rhodey, with his head still spinning with confusion and his skin still crawling with the romance-repulsion, he doesn’t know if he can handle talking to Pepper about this when it’s likely going to lead to another fight. 

“Is she free at the moment, or is she tied up in something?” Tony finally asks.

“This time in her calendar is simply blocked off as ‘personal’,” JARVIS replies. He sounds possibly the most apologetic that Tony has ever heard him, which is honestly just a little sad. Tony doesn’t need pity here, and especially not from his AI. “I am checking the Tower now, and she is not present.”

Tony hates the way his stomach drops. He doesn’t even need JARVIS to tell him that Pepper’s with her new potential romantic partner- christ, should he even be calling them a _potential_ anything at this point?

“As this is a Stark Industries matter of some urgency,” JARVIS is saying, still in that quieter, slightly apologetic, tone, “I believe it would be acceptable to contact Ms. Potts anyway, however-”

"No, jesus, don't contact her!" Tony says quickly. "No, just... jesus, _fuck_ -"

Tony has no idea what to do here. His mind is trying to do too many different things, trying to figure out too many different problems. He’s still sorting through everything Rhodey said, trying to figure out if he’s ever experienced romantic attraction or not. He still has no idea what he’s going to say to Pepper _tomorrow_ , let alone if he needs to talk to her _now_. He has no doubt that Pepper is going to leave him- why wouldn’t she, why would she want to stay with _him_ , now that he’s no longer needed, now after they’ve been having so many fights?- but he has no idea why he’s so goddamned worked up about it! Why is so he anxious about this relationship ending, why is his romance-repulsion not kicking in for this, why isn’t he _relieved_ about this turn of events, why why _why-_

“Sir?”

Tony forces himself to take a deep breath, ignoring the way his lungs ache around the reactor casing, and then another. He just needs his mind to _calm the fuck down_. 

"Perhaps we could reevaluate this situation after you have spoken to Mx. Draper," JARVIS suggests, his voice gentle. "After all, there is no reason to alert Ms. Potts unless you do find a need to fire Mr. Hoffman.”

They both know that there’s way this ends with Hoffman still employed at SI, but Tony lets himself buy into the lie for just a moment. “Yeah. Sounds like a good plan, J,” he finally says. “Have you heard back from Tams?”

“Not yet, Sir.”

“Alright.” Another deep breath, and Tony can feel his thoughts… not necessarily slowing down, but becoming less frantic, at least. “How long until the plane leaves?”

“There is a small delay at the airport. Estimated time of departure is unknown at the moment.”

Tony curses under his breath. “Fine. That’s fine. Whatever. Let me know the moment you hear from Tams. I’m going to scrounge for food upstairs, since apparently I’m not going anywhere for awhile now.”

The moment Tony walks out onto the communal floor he can smell somethings cooking in the kitchen, and hear the low murmur of several voices. “Are you making homemade pesto?” Tony asks Sam, who’s standing at the stove stirring a large pot of pasta. “I think I love you. You can definitely stick around.”

Someone else- probably Clint, if Tony has to guess- snorts in amusement. He glances over his shoulder in the vague direction of the breakfast bar where the rest of the team- including Thor, for once- is hanging around. Meals in Avengers Tower have become a bit of a circus sideshow since the Assassin Twins lost their day jobs at SHIELD, especially if someone is actually cooking instead of the group just ordering takeout. With Thor in the mix Tony has no idea how the evening is going to go.

Still, Tony doesn’t have the energy to deal with their usual bullshit tonight. His mood is just a step below "grab a gauntlet and destroy a few structurally unimportant walls", and he can't stop himself from rolling his eyes in their direction.

"Hey now, lover boy, don't get pissy at me," Clint says with a wide, shit-eating grin. "You give a wide opening like that..."

"There is no opening," Tony interrupts. It's bad enough he has to self-analyze every thought and feeling he has because he's doubting his own identity. The last thing he needs is his team poking fun at that same identity right now, no matter how well-meaning they are. "We aren't doing this now."

"Jesus, someone woke up on the pissy side of the bed today." Clint yelps when Natasha elbows him hard in the ribs. "Ow! What the hell?"

"Cut it out," she snaps. "Stark closed the subject. You're done."

Clint has a mulish look on his face, like he wants to protest at having his fun cut short but Steve clears his throat and flicks his eyes over towards Sam, a reminder that not everyone in the room knows about Tony being aromantic- maybe being aromantic? Jesus, is he going to have re-come out to his team if he decides that he's grey-aro or, hell, not aro at all? 

More pressing, is he supposed to say something to Sam now? Come out to him now that he’s going to be an official team member? Considering Tony lied to the rest of his teammates for over two years, he’s obviously not up-to-speed with what the correct etiquette for this situation is. 

Although… wait, now that Tony is thinking about it, did anyone ever tell _Thor_ about the new boundaries in the Tower since Tony came out? Does Thor even know that Tony is aromantic? Tony has no idea what the current status quo is and that’s not a reassuring thought.

"Okay, I'm clearly missing something here," Sam says. "Anyone want to fill me in?"

“Aye,” Thor declares. “I do not understand how Clint erred in his jests.”

And that answers the Thor question. Everyone on the team looks to Tony, who stubbornly ignores them, instead pulling out his phone and opening up the Malibu R&D investigation file. He knows all the documents more or less by heart, but he’s going to have to be absolutely sure about everything before talking to Tams and confronting Hoffman…

"Uh, not right now." Good ol' Bruce for speaking up, because Tony definitely wasn’t planning on it.

"Okay..." Sam says, drawing the word out slightly. "So we're just, what? Moving on from that mysterious little exchange?"

...even though Tony knows that any confrontation with Hoffman can only end with the man being fired. Pepper isn’t going to like that but- shit, _shit_ not thinking about her…

“Yeah,” Steve says. “Sorry, it’s just-”

“Hey man, it’s cool, I get it.”

“I do not,” Thor grumbles.

Are they seriously still talking about that? Fucking hell, maybe Tony should come out to Sam and Thor just to shut them the hell up-

“So, Tony, how are the wing modifications coming along?” Sam asks, just as Tony says, “I’m aromantic.”

There’s a beat of absolute silence in the room, and Tony is bracing him for someone to make an asinine comment or for Sam to start barraging him with questions- and, seriously, the man had given Tony the perfect out! Why did he have to go and open his stupid mouth and make the situation awkward and uncomfortable again?

“Okay.” Sam looks up from his cooking to glance over at Tony. “Aromantic, or grey-aro, or…?”

“What the _fuck_?” Clint yelps, and Natasha is looking at Sam with narrowed eyes, and Bruce is still studying Tony, and-

“Told you he was going to be good around here,” Steve says and, really, a national icon should not be able to look that smug. It’s just not fair.

“I knew someone down at the VA who identified as grey-aromantic because of trauma,” Sam explains. “Had some understandable but very specific boundaries because of it so I did some reading.”

Thor is frowning and he says again, “I still do not understand.”

“I don’t feel romantic love, buddy,” Tony tells him. It’s easier to focus on Thor’s expected confusion than the disbelief that _someone else knows about this_ \- knows about this because they literally pulled a Pepper and Googled it, what the _fuck_ \- “Never have, never will. Which is fine because I’m also romance repulsed and hate romantic gestures, like, 99% of the time.”

“Only 99%?” Natasha asks. Tony’s pretty sure she’s teasing but he is _so_ not in the mood for that kind of teasing from her of all people right now. 

“Why, you think I’m wrong about that too?” Tony snaps.

“Oh my god, seriously, Tony?” Natasha asks, rolling her eyes. “You’re taking what I said out of context-”

“Wait, what did you say to him?” Steve jumps in.

And Tony is officially done with this conversation. “Oh, nothing major, just implied that I don’t actually know my romantic orientation and that I’ve been using the wrong label this whole time,” he says, with a sickening amount of faux sweetness in his voice.

“You _what_?” Bruce asks, horrified, just as Thor pronounces, “I do not understand the need to shame our friend Stark for holding such a common identity!” which only gets another “Wait, _what?_ ” from Clint and Thor starts gearing up for what can only be a lengthy discussion about Asgardian cultural ideas about love and romance, and Tony is _so fucking done_ with this conversation when Natasha speaks up again.

“Oh please, don’t act like I caused an identity crisis, you’re blowing this out of proportion,” Natasha snaps.

And Tony’s nerves are frazzled enough that it takes him a second too long to reply and his “Fuck off, Nat, seriously,” is a painfully weak response.

The room goes suddenly quiet. Steve is glaring at Natasha and Bruce is watching Tony worriedly. Natasha is also staring at Tony, calculating and weighing. Sam is looking at the both of them, out of the corner of his eye as he keeps cooking, obviously choosing to stay the hell out of whatever this conversation has become. Thor has no such reserves and looks like he’s actually gearing up for a fight, though over what Tony has no idea. Probably something involving loud proclamations of how it is inappropriate to shame Tony for matters beyond his control. Or whatever. 

Clint is staring at Natasha too, only something about the look on his face is wrong- it’s too wounded for this situation, too _personal_ in a way that Tony doesn’t understand but doesn’t really care about, because Tony is _so done_ with this conversation. He’s so far past his breaking point with his team, with his aromantic identity, with Pepper and his own problems and _everything_ , that there’s no hope for him calmly walking away from this anymore.

“You know, I’m really having a hard time understanding what part of _stop interrogating me about my romantic orientation_ is so difficult for you to-”

“Sir, Mr. Hogan is waiting in the lower garage to drive you to the airport,” JARVIS interrupts, and Tony would not put it past his AI to have timed his interruption to cut Tony off before he could say something he’d really regret.

It’s a tactic that Tony usually appreciates, but he’s so wound up right now that he snaps, “Not now, JARVIS, I’m busy-”

“Sir, if you do not leave now your flight will likely be delayed again,” JARVIS says. “I do suggest that you leave at once.”

“I’m assuming this is Stark Industries business?” Sam asks. He grabs a thermos out of one of the cupboards and starts ladling pasta and sauce into it. “Steve was saying you had a thousand things on your plate these days.”

“I always have a thousand things on my plate,” Tony snaps. He’s already typing out a text to Happy to let him know that he’ll be right down but he looks up when the Sam holds out the thermos, blocking his view of his phone. “Um…”

“Thought you might want to take the food with you,” Sam says.

“I don’t… Just set it down on the counter over there,” Tony says, because the last thing he needs right now is to get dragged into another explanation of his weird quirks. And, because Sam at least is managing to not be a pain in his ass at the moment, he adds a slightly-grudging, “Thanks.”

“Friend Sam! Does this mean you have finished preparing the meal?” Thor booms. Sam jumps at the sheer sound of his voice, and even Clint seems startled from months of simply _not living with Thor_. 

Tony is under no illusion that he manages to sneak out of the kitchen in the dash for food, but at the very least no one stops him or tries to draw him into another conversation. He thinks he sees Thor wink at him conspiratorially as Tony leaves, and while Tony wouldn’t put it past the Asgardian to have created a sort of diversion for Tony to leave… well he doesn’t have the time or energy to actually think about that now. 

“JARVIS remind me to have a conversation with Thor sometime when I get back,” Tony says as he slides into the car that Happy has waiting down in the garage. His phone chimes almost at the same instant and he looks down at it without thinking. It’s from Natasha.

_I didn’t mean to insinuate that your identity was wrong :( come back so we can talk?_

Tony rolls his eyes and tucks his phone back in his pocket without replying. He can’t go back upstairs even if he wanted to. He has more things to deal with than Natasha and his romantic orientation and anything else that comes along with that. “Happy, just drive. I have shit I need to take care of.”

 

**Then - March 2009**

Pepper is pretty sure than her security clearance and access codes haven’t been revoked. She can’t be entirely sure because she does have an appointment to meet Tony this morning, so it’s entirely possible that when she types in her code JARVIS lets her in anyway, but she’s so desperate for a good omen that she’ll take whatever little scrap she can get. 

The workshop has excellent soundproofing, but she can feel the floor beneath her feet shake with the volume of Tony's rock music the moment she walks into the living room. That's never a good sign, especially not when Tony should know that she’s coming.

Still, Pepper takes a deep breath, steeling herself, and heads for the stairs. She reminds herself that Tony still needs her for the other eight numbers in his social security number. With any luck, Tony will be reasonable about this if only because he depends on her so much.

Pepper hopes that Tony will be reasonable because he likes her company and values their friendship as well, because she knows that’s true too, but she's not sure her luck will stretch that far today.

Pepper breathes another sigh of relief when her access codes appear to work on the workshop door as well. The music is immediately deafening, but she's adjusted to the ridiculous volume over the years and it's hardly an issue to raise her voice a little and call out, "JARVIS, lower the volume, please."

JARVIS complies immediately, and normally losing his music would be enough to send Tony into an irritated tirade and an argument. Even when he's in a good mood turning down the volume on his music is always enough to at least get him to look up and give some sort of reaction- a snarky quip or a call to JARVIS to raise the volume again. Something. _Anything._

But the music stops and the room stays silent, not even a sound from Tony's bots who are all standing at still attention in their charging stations. Tony is in the middle of the room, not sitting at a workbench or his desk but standing and manipulating half a dozen holographic interfaces, move data from one to another, editing schematics and discarding large sections of notes.

He's facing Pepper, technically, because there's no way that he can't see her through his holographic projections. Even if he can't see her Tony is never so engrossed in his work that he misses someone entering his workshop. Not anymore, at least, not after Afghanistan and whatever went down with Stane. After all of that Tony is hypervigilant, even at home. There's only two people besides him with passcodes to the workshop, and there's no way Tony could mistake the clack of Pepper's heels for the heavy footsteps of Rhodey's boots.

 _And he’s supposed to know that she’s coming, damnit_.

And that's worrying, that's all so, so worrying, because Tony doesn't usually act like this. Sure, he ignores people from time to time- accidentally, when he gets wrapped up in his work, or on purpose just to annoy them- but it's never like this. He's never tense like this, curled into himself like he just wants to disappear, none of his bravado or masks to hide behind.

It makes Pepper's heart ache to see because whatever reaction this is it's her fault, and that guilt threatens to overwhelm her.

"I know you have something to say, so just spit it out," Tony says suddenly. He's still not looking at her but the talking is a good sign, even if his tone is a little biting. "Let's just get this mess over with."

What is Tony expecting here? For Pepper to start another fight with him? For her to walk out, or for him to have to throw her out? Tony's trust issues run a mile deep, Pepper knows that, but is this extreme of a response a reflection on that, or a reflection on her personally?

Pepper had prepared for this conversation. She had memorized her speech, had thought up answers to any argument or question that Tony could throw her way, had planned and micromanaged every aspect of this discussion that she could think of ahead of time... and for the life of her she could not remember any of that now.

"I'm sorry," Pepper says, because she has to get those words out before anything else can happen, before the focus of this conversation can get twisted around and sidetracked and lost. "I shouldn't have said those things to you, any of those things. I was out of line and unnecessarily cruel and stubborn. If you don't feel romantic love, there's nothing wrong with that. It was wrong of me to insinuate otherwise and to upset you, and I'm sorry."

"Do you love me?"

"What?" Pepper asks, thrown by the abruptness of the question.

Tony is still focused on his holograms, still not looking at Pepper, still as tense as he was when she first walked in. “Do you love me?” he repeats. “Because I meant what I said yesterday. I can’t handle… I won’t have you around if you do. I can’t-” His voice breaks, just a bit, and even though he recovers immediately Pepper still hears it, still feels that hitch drive through her heart as sharp as any of Tony’s barbed words.

“I can’t have you around if you love me,” Tony says. His hands have stilled over the holographic projections though they’re still raised like he’s about to start working again, like he’s a conductor waiting to launch into his latest masterpiece. “I know that that’s a dick move on my part, I know it’s unreasonable, but I’m always going to be waiting for you to say something again and I can’t...” He shrugs, and his hands finally fall down to his sides. “If you love me you need to leave. I’m sorry.”

It’s the _sorry_ that gets to Pepper, that cuts through the anger and hurt that is slowly building the entire time that Tony is speaking, so flippant and dismissive of whatever their admittedly dysfunctional relationship is. It’s always so easy, too easy, to get angry at Tony. She won’t let that happen now, won’t let another fight derail this conversation, so she clings to that _sorry_ tacked on at the end and lets it calm her down.

“I don’t love you,” she says and the lie comes easily, so, so, easily, the words falling from her mouth without hesitation or doubt marring her convincing tone. “Or rather, I love you platonically. Like a brother, or a best friend. But I don’t romantically love you.”

And for all that the words are a lie, there’s a part of them that still rings true. Tony is an important person in her life, more important than a fleeting crush, more important than any other boss she’s ever had. Knowing that loving him is impossible, will always be impossible, is like a balm on her own emotions. It gives her distance from the ache of knowing what she can never have. She can’t have it, it’s as simple as that, so she won’t think about it and one day those feelings will fade completely. She has to have faith that eventually these feelings will fade.

Tony still isn’t looking at her. “I don’t know if I believe that,” he says quietly, so quietly that for a moment Pepper isn’t sure if she was supposed to hear that, but then he continues with, “God, I’m sorry Pepper, I know that this is fucked up- that I’m fucked up, for hating romance this much, for getting to the point where it makes me feel physically sick, but it does and I don’t know how to stop that, and I don’t know what to do here-”

There’s a particular type of heartbreak that Pepper feels when she hears Tony talk about himself like that, in that self-loathing tone, with such conviction that she has no idea how she’s supposed to get him to stop believing those lies about himself. But now, for the first time, Pepper also feels a small sliver of hope that, for once, she might be able to do something.

“Tony, it’s alright,” she says gently. “I… I was doing some reading last night. And I think I might have found something that… well, that explains those feelings.”

“What?” Tony asks suspiciously, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

Pepper takes a deep breath and decides, to hell with it, there’s no beating around the bush or easing Tony into this idea. “I think you might be aromantic.”

There’s a beat of silence. “Aromantic,” Tony repeats. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s a romantic orientation,” Pepper says.

“Which is what, exactly?”

Pepper is glad she has an explanation for this already prepared. “It’s like a sexual orientation, only for romantic identities,” she explains. “I was doing some reading about it last night. For some people, they’re romantically attracted to different people than they’re physically attracted to. Sometimes it’s, like, a bisexual person who’s only romantically attracted to people of one gender. But there are also people, a lot of people, who aren’t romantically attracted to anyone. They may be physically attracted to people and want to have sex with other people, but they don’t feel romantically attracted to anyone. That’s what aromantic is- people who don’t experience romantic attraction.”

Tony’s back is ramrod straight, his entire body tense as he finally turns to look at Pepper. “That’s a thing?” he asks. He doesn’t sound skeptical, like Pepper was expecting. He sounds… hopeful. A little disbelieving, sure, but Tony Stark also sounds _hopeful_.

“That’s a thing,” Pepper confirms. “From what I understand, it’s a spectrum of identities? Some people only experience romantic attraction under certain circumstances. Some people never experience it at all. There’s tons of articles and blog posts about it- there’s a whole _community_ of aromantic people out there, Tony. I can send you links. If you want, that is.”

Tony’s mouth is moving, but no words are coming out. Pepper almost starts laughing at the look on his face when Tony asks, in a small, quiet voice, “Do you think… Am I…?”

Pepper immediately sobers up, because this isn’t a funny moment. This is Tony realizing that there’s a _word_ for how he feels, that there are other people who are like him- that he isn’t just a freak. That he isn’t _broken_.

“I think it’s a definite possibility,” Pepper says, choosing her words with care. “I think it would explain a lot. But I also think this is something you have to decide for yourself. I can’t apply labels to you, because I don’t know what you experience or how you feel. But I think it’s worth looking into. Even if you decide that you aren’t aromantic, it might be… useful, to hear from people who are.”

 _To know that there are other people like you out there_ , Pepper thinks, but she doesn’t want to voice that aloud. She knows she’s treading on thin ice here; one wrong move and this whole situation could turn into yet another fight, and that’s the last thing Pepper wants right now.

Tony is quiet, and Pepper is terrified that she might have already fucked things up. Should she have kept her mouth shut, not saying anything, leaving the conversation at her apology and nothing else? Is this getting too personal, is she meddling in too many things that she should be leaving alone? Tony’s her friend, but he’s still her boss first- if there’s any lines left between them, she almost definitely crossed them…

“Send me those links. Please,” Tony says, and Pepper’s actually surprised by that, surprised that he wants to read up on this, that he seems interested, that he’s taking this as well as he is.

“Wait,” he adds suddenly, his eyes narrowing in suspicion, and Pepper’s stomach drops out. “How did you even find out about this anyway?”

Pepper’s heart skips a beat because oh, fuck, there is no way she can tell him that she was complaining about him to her sister! “I was just… Googling some things. Just stumbled across it,” she lies, and it’s such a weak story that she’s not even surprised when Tony raises an eyebrow in skepticism.

“Really,” he says flatly. “You were… Googling. What were you Googling, anyway?”

“I was… I was…” Pepper stammers and then, to hell with it, Tony is going to freak out but there’s nothing she can do. “I was trying to see if I could find a reason for you hating romance and never falling in love with anyone,” she admits.

“You wanted to know what was wrong with me so you could fix it,” Tony corrects, his eyes going shuttered and his face closing off.

Tony hit the nail on the head with that comment, but Pepper hates the look that’s on his face. She hates lying to him, but she hates that look even more. “No. I wanted to know what caused you to panic so I could make sure I never triggered an anxiety attack like that again.”

Tony scowls and mutters, “I wasn’t _panicking_.”

“What would you call it then?”

Tony’s scowl deepens and he doesn’t say anything.

Pepper sighs.

"Whatever it was," she says, even though they're both well aware that Tony was, in fact, _panicking_ , "I wanted to make sure it didn't happen again. If there was something, some information I could give you, to make it easier for you to deal with romantic advances from people, I wanted you know about it. But not to "fix" you- and certainly not for my own sake."

It’s too easy to lie to Tony and every word almost physically pains Pepper, so she changes gears to give him as much of the truth that she can. "Honestly, I didn’t come here expecting to even keep my job. I wanted to apologize for what I said for the sake of the friendship I think we have. But I know I lost any right to dictate how you should think or feel or run your life when I hurt you yesterday. I just wanted to help, Tony. I know I probably still overstepped here and I’m sorry for that. But I was just trying to help.”

"And if I am aromantic? Is that something that you're going to need to "help" me with too?" Tony asks.

"No. That's not something that needs to be changed," Pepper says firmly. "Not by me, and not by anyone."

Tony looks at her now, actually looks at _her_ instead of stealing glances while pretending to focus on his holograms. “Okay,” he says, as if it’s that simple, as if this mess that Pepper created can be forgiven and forgotten that easily. 

“Okay?” Pepper echoes, a little disbelieving. “Is that it?”

Tony closes down his holograms with a few quick hand gestures, leaving nothing between them for the first time since Pepper arrived. “I’m putting a lot of trust in you, Pep. I don’t want to fire you- I really, _really_ don’t want to fire you, do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to find a new assistant who’s willing to put up with me? Seriously, it’s not fun and I, uh-” He clears his throat, a little awkwardly, “-I would’ve missed having you around. I guess. It’s, y’know, whatever.”

Pepper has to hide her smile at his fumbling attempt as sincerity. “I’d miss being around, if you fired me.” Tony flinches, barely noticeable except Pepper’s had years training herself to notice things like that. “Tony?” she asks, quiet and a little cautious. 

“I really need you to not say anything that could be construed as romantic, at least for the next little while,” Tony says. His voice sounds a little shaky and Pepper wants to move closer to him, but she remembers how poorly that worked during their fight yesterday. “Like I said, I’m trusting you here. I can’t- I can’t have romantic overtones, I can’t handle another “I love you”, I can’t-” One of his hands clenches into a fist and he takes a deep, audible breath. “I’m trusting that you aren’t lying to me. About any of this, anything you’ve said. But if there’s a repeat of yesterday…”

He doesn’t have to finish that sentence for Pepper to know what he means- not because there’s any threat to his words, because Tony doesn’t sound like he has enough energy left in his body to actually _threaten_ anyone right now. No, it’s that tired, desperate note in his voice that leaves Pepper no doubt what he means: If there’s a repeat of yesterday, Pepper will lose her job. 

Pepper wonders if that’s supposed to make her angry, but unlike yesterday it doesn’t. She knows now that that’s an outcome that neither of them want. 

“There won’t be,” she says firmly, because this she can guarantee. Even if she’s lying to Tony about her feelings, even if she invaded his privacy by talking to Sabrina and speculating on his identities, she knows that she’ll never hurt him like she did yesterday ever again.

“Okay,” Tony says again, and this time Pepper is more than willing to believe that things can be as simple as that. That is, until Tony adds, “Although I guess I should be apologizing too. I shouldn’t have flirted with you on that rooftop. You probably wouldn’t have said… I know I gave you the wrong idea. Sorry about that.”

“So you were flirting with me!” Pepper blurts out before she can stop herself. 

“Yeah I was,” Tony says. “Not romantically, though. Not- not like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?” Pepper asks. “Just for fun, or…?” She can feel her face heating up. She must be as red as the Iron Man armor is, but she’ll wonder about that night for the rest of her life if she doesn’t get answers now. 

The corner of Tony’s lips quirk up in a bemused smile. “You’re a beautiful woman, Ms. Potts. Until that night I thought you’d quote the company’s anti-fraternization policies if I asked you seriously. Then that night happened and I thought…” He shrugs. “But you stopped things. So I don’t know. But it won’t happen again.”

“Because of the company’s policies about sleeping with employees?” Pepper asks cautiously. 

Tony sighs. “Because after yesterday I think we both need to get our heads on straight before we try anything with each other. If there’s even anything to try.”

And Pepper is clearly not thinking straight after the stress of the last twenty-four hours, there’s no other explanation for why Pepper opens her mouth to say _Thank you for being honest with me_ and what comes out instead is, “There’s definitely something to try.”

Tony’s eyes widen and Pepper blurts out, “Oh, god, I’m sorry, that was inappropriate! I just meant- I didn’t mean it romantically! But you’re- well, you’re _you_ and you’re attractive and oh god please tell me I haven’t misunderstood this-”

“You haven’t,” Tony says, and the almost-panic is fading from his face, replaced by amusement. “I just didn’t think you wanted…”

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t always make the best of decisions,” Pepper says, her face still burning with embarrassment. “So, maybe, to avoid making an outright _bad_ decision we should, um… table this discussion? Like you suggested? Until the mess from yesterday is…” She waves a hand, but luckily Tony seems to understand what she’s going for. 

“Probably a good idea,” Tony agrees. “If you ever want- or if I ever… we’ll talk about this then?”

Pepper nods decisively. “Right. We’ll talk then.”

Tony nods but doesn’t say anything, the two of them staring at each for long enough that it should be awkward but instead Pepper finds herself wanting to laugh. There’s an easy calm between them now, nothing she could have expected before walking into the workshop, and maybe it should be weird having to go back to being Tony’s PA after all of this… but actually, it’s absurdly simple. 

“Will that be all, Mr. Stark?” Pepper asks.

Tony’s lips immediately quirk up into a smile. “That will be all, Ms. Potts.”

 

**Now - May 2015 - Friday**

Tony meets with Tamsyn Draper at eight o’clock in the morning, Pacific Standard Time. He brings coffee- it’s the least he can do for hir agreeing to meet this early- and ze brings a laundry list of reasons for hir sudden resignation. To Tony’s delight, the overwhelming majority of them have to do with Hoffman being an incompetent ass. Everything is well-documented, with timestamped emails and a detailed list of every idiotic, illegal, and just plain inane thing Hoffman said to his employees: date, time, location, and observers all included. It’s exactly the nail in the coffin that Tony has been waiting for for _months_. 

By ten o’clock Tony and Tams are deep in a meeting with the Malibu branch of HR. Tony would rather be storming down to Hoffman’s office, a blaze of righteous fury now that he finally has the proof he’s been looking for, but while Tony is certainly capable of impulsiveness he’s invested too much time into following proper company procedures for firing Hoffman to ruin all of that now. 

By noon Tony has the pleasure of finally, _finally_ being able to look Hoffman dead in the face and lay out perfect evidence of all of his failures and shortcomings. 

By one o’clock, Tamsyn Draper has rescinded hir resignation and is acting as interim director of the Malibu R&D department until such time as a suitable replacement for Hoffman can be found. Personally, Tony thinks that Tams is the suitable replacement but he knows protocol has to be followed with an open application window and a round of interviews. 

“Though, honestly, the job is yours if you want it,” Tony says around a mouthful of french fries, much later that afternoon. They had both stuck around the office for another hour or so, meeting with lower-level managers to address their concerns and so Tony could be sure that there would be no immediate backlash from firing Hoffman. On the contrary, most people had seemed visibly relieved to see him gone. 

Tony had firmly reiterated his open-door policy because he doesn’t want any of his employees silenced by fear of an overbearing director firing them- and he really, _really_ doesn’t want to go through this again. 

Now they’re sitting in the living room of Tony’s house, dripping ketchup onto his expensive furniture and talking shop, take-out containers strewn on the floor next to them and bellies full of the best burgers in Malibu. Tams seems to be handling the crazy flurry of activity well, though ze shrugs and tells Tony, “There are other people who have been here longer and are probably more qualified-”

“But no one who’s busted their ass as much as you have over the last six months,” Tony interrupts, his voice firm. “I need someone leading this division that I know will be able to effectively delegate the work and have the skills themselves to check everything we produce before it reaches me. And if a project won’t meet the deadline I trust you to talk to me about it _before_ the very last minute.”

“I’ll certainly do my best,” Tams says. “Though, I still can’t believe you flew all the way out here to deal with this. You really didn’t have to.”

“You’re crazy if you think I was seriously going to let you walk away from my company without a fight,” Tony says. “I’m just sorry I didn’t say _fuck it_ and come out here sooner.”

“You’re going to make a lot of people mad just by being out here now,” Tams points out.

“Yeah, well, screw ‘em,” Tony says with a shrug. He pops a french fry into his mouth. “Look, no one in that office wanted Hoffman in charge and anyone who _does_ is crazy and I don’t need them screwing around in R&D anyway. The Malibu department will be much better with you at the helm.”

“If you say so, Mr. Stark.”

“And don’t call me Mr. Stark, seriously,” Tony says with a roll of his eyes. “I may be your boss, but in the big Stark Industries scheme of things I’m just another R&D grease monkey like you.”

Tams chokes on the bite of food ze had just taken and raises an eyebrow incredulously at Tony. “We both know that isn’t true.”

Tony waves a hand, dismissing her snarky remark and dripping bits of lettuce and sauce onto the floor at the same time. “Yeah, well, I’m also not a hardass about titles like that. The way I see it-”

“Pardon the interruption, Sir,” JARVIS says smoothly, “but you have an incoming call from Ms. Potts.”

Tony has to bite his cheek to stop himself from wincing. He had completely forgotten about filling in Pepper about his impromptu trip to Malibu. No doubt someone in HR had mentioned something to her, and now she was calling him to get the full details. 

“Sorry, but I have to take this,” he says to Tams as he sets aside his food and stands up. “You’re more than welcome to stay, but I don’t know how long I’ll be.” Hopefully this wouldn’t take too long, but with things between him and Pepper as uncomfortably strained as they are Tony has no idea how this conversation is going to go. He’s just hoping he can keep it to professional matters and dodge any personal questions she might want overdue answers to. 

“Actually, if it’s all the same to you, Mr…. uh, Tony, I think I’ll head out,” Tams says, standing as well. “It’s been a long day, and I need to get home and share the news with my partner.”

“Alright, well, I won’t be around again after today so keep me in the loop with how Malibu is doing, yeah?” Tony says. “You know how to reach me, I’ll make sure JARVIS patches you through no problem.”

Tony has JARVIS transfer the call from Pepper to his cell steps outside to talk, both to give himself privacy and to let Tams gather hir things in peace. And maybe the ocean view will help boost his spirits, get him through what is going to be the worst conversation with Pepper he can imagine.

“Hiya, Pepper. How’s New York?” Tony says with forced cheer.

There’s a worryingly long silence on the other end of the line. “Well,” Pepper sighs at last, “that partially answers my first question. You’re not actually in New York, are you?”

“No. No, I’m not,” Tony says after a pause of his own. Pepper should know that he’s in Malibu. Why else would she be calling, if not to ask about the Hoffman situation?

“Right. Of course you’re not in New York the _one time_ I manage to weasel my way onto your calendar _in a week_ ,” Pepper says, her voice strained in that way that means she’s trying to resist the urge to scream at him. “Why on earth would you have actually kept this appointment?”

Tony’s stomach has dropped down to his feet and he closes his eyes, sinking down onto one of the many chairs littered around the patio. “Pepper, I’m so sorry. I promise I didn’t do this on purpose, something came up in Malibu-”

“ _Malibu_ , Tony?” Pepper interrupts. “If this has anything to do with that Hoffman nonsense-”

“It’s not nonsense, and yes it does,” Tony says. “At least after today you won’t have worry about it-”

Pepper groans. “Tell me you didn’t fire him.”

“Of course I fucking fired him! I got the proof I needed and I sacked his ass and everything is fine-”

“Unless he stirs up bad press, which could still affect the LC Tech acquisition,” Pepper snaps. “This is why we were waiting, Tony!”

“Tamsyn Draper sent in hir resignation, I had to do _something_ -”

“You could’ve sent hir an email and scheduled something for Monday!” Pepper says, and her voice is raised now. Maybe Tony should be surprised that they’re already fighting but somehow he’s not. “You’ve been avoiding me since Sunday and we finally had an appointment- our _standing appointment_ , Tony! And you couldn’t even keep that!”

“You cancelled last week for a conference call!” Tony protests. “How is this any different?”

“Because I told you about it to your face, instead of just saying nothing and not showing up!” Pepper yells. It’s only then that Tony remembers the time zone difference between New York and California. He’s not _going to_ miss his appointment with Pepper, he already _has_. “And this is direct Stark Industries business that you said nothing about! What excuse do you have for _that_?”

And for a moment Tony wants to explain everything to her. He wants to tell her that he knows she’s seeing someone new and that she’s planning on leaving him. That he’s been so turned around by this that he’s started questioning his romantic identity, because he doesn’t know what else could explain his completely irrational emotions about this. He wants to tell her that he’s in over his head, drowning in all the things he’s trying to figure out, wants to throw everything in her face and make her understand that this isn’t just him being difficult for the sake of being difficult.

It would be easy, too. He knows exactly what to say, how to barb his sentences so they hurt Pepper the most. But the words lodge in his throat, dying before he can speak them aloud, and the phone line stays silent, and cold.

"Tony?" Pepper asks after a moment, her voice a little less sharp and a little more concerned.

"Yeah, still here," Tony says, but he has to end this conversation now. He can’t do this, he can’t do _any_ of this. The fighting was bad enough but he can’t sit here, an entire country separating him from Pepper, and listen to her pretend to care. “Sorry, listen, I’ve got to go, I’m still in a meeting with Tams, and-”

"Tony, is everything okay?" Pepper asks quickly, getting the question out before Tony has a chance to hang up and end the conversation.

"Everything is fine, Pep, just fine," Tony says but he’s exhausted from all of the lying and he doesn’t know how much longer he can keep doing this.

"Are you, though, Tony?" Pepper challenges. "You said the same thing when you were dying of palladium poisoning-"

"You really need to stop using that as a trump card in every argument we have," Tony interrupts, his tiredness making it all too easy to for her words to get under his skin.

Pepper sighs, and Tony can hear her frustration as clear as day. “For god’s sake, I’m not trying to use it as a trump card! Something is obviously wrong and you won’t talk to me, so of course I’m going to be worried!”

Tony knows that. He knows that even if this last week has been terrible for him, it must have been awful for her as well. He feels sick to his stomach with guilt and he knows that this has to end. It’s going to end terribly, miserably, with a broken relationship and new boundaries… but this has to come to an end. When he gets back to New York he’ll talk to her, he’ll figure out what to say and finally _talk to her_ -

He doesn’t realize that he’s been silent for a moment too long until Pepper huffs another annoyed sigh and says, "I don't have time for this.”

“Pepper, wait-” Tony says, panic welling up inside him. No, no, _no_ , this isn’t what he wanted!

“Call me when you grow up and want to talk about whatever’s been going on with you. I’m done wasting my time when it’s obvious you don’t care,” Pepper says, and the line goes dead.

Tony drops his phone, not caring as it clatters against the patio stones, and buries his face in his hands. “ _Goddamnit_ ,” he mutters, his voice muffled by his shaking hands. Why does he always have to do this? Hasn’t he learned by now that trying to keep secrets from Pepper only makes her angry and makes the situation a thousand times worse? Hasn’t he learned that avoiding his problems doesn’t actually make them go away?

He should’ve talked to Pepper days ago. At least then she would have ended their relationship on an amicable note, instead of the bitterness and anger that Tony is now going to be facing.

Tony scrubs at his face with one hand and sits back up. “JARVIS, did Tams leave?”

“Yes, Sir, Mx. Draper left shortly after you began speaking to Ms. Potts. Shall I notify the airfield of your upcoming departure?”

“Yeah, and make sure there’s a bottle of whiskey on that plane,” Tony says, “and liquor waiting for me back in my workshop in New York.”

JARVIS's "Yes, Sir," is a little more disapproving this time and if Tony could feel anything other than _tired_ right now he’s sure that would hurt. He’s not proud of resorting to drinking and he already feels that old self-loathing returning, but that’s okay. If anyone deserves a little self-loathing right now, it’s definitely Tony.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

**Now - May 2015 - Saturday**

Tony hears the lock release and is only surprised by how _not_ surprised he is to get this interaction. Even with Pepper out of the picture (Tony’s heart clenches at the thought) he figures it’s still a 50-50 tossup between whether its Bruce or Steve who’s coming down to check on him.

It’s Steve, this time. He doesn’t hover around the doorway like Bruce does, but he still has that look on his face like he’s not entirely sure if he’s allowed to be in here. It’s a look that Tony is used to seeing from other people- and, frankly, it’s a reaction that he likes to encourage. He may have a team now but some things are still sacred and he likes having the workshop as a place that still remains “his”.

“The wings are over there,” Tony says, using his glass of whiskey to motion towards one of the far work benches. “Since I’m assuming that’s what you’re after.”

“It’s actually not.” Steve side-steps a piece of the remodeled Quinjet. “Are you drinking down here by yourself?”

“I wasn’t really looking for drinking company, so, yeah,” Tony drawls. Steve shoots him a disapproving look and Tony rolls his eyes. “Don’t give me that. I haven’t been drunk-engineering this time. I promise I finished all the work on Sam’s wings before I really went to town.”

And, all things considered, Tony isn’t nearly as drunk as he could be anyway. He got absolutely shitfaced on the flight home, came stumbling into the workshop in the early hours of Saturday with a foggy head and bleary eyes. But JARVIS, that little sneak, had made sure there was only one bottle of liquor waiting for him in the workshop. Tony had been pissed about, but deep down he appreciates that his AI won’t let him slip too far back into these particular bad habits- even if nursing one bottle of whiskey isn’t enough to help keep the thoughts of Pepper at bay.

“That’s not what I-” Steve sighs. “Why are you drinking down here instead of somewhere more comfortable?” 

Tony shrugs. He knows that Steve really means _drinking where someone could keep an eye on you_ but chooses not to comment on that particular unspoken concern. “I was already down here. What does it matter?”

“Are you avoiding the team?” Steve asks, and damn him for being so blunt instead of dancing around the subject for long enough for Tony to come up with a distraction. “Natasha feels bad about what happened, she didn’t mean to-”

“I know, I’ve been getting her texts ever since I left,” Tony interrupts.

“Then why haven’t you responded?” Steve asks. “Why the hiding?”

“You know, funnily enough not everything that goes wrong in my life is connected to the team or even any of your business,” Tony says, a little irritably.

“Of course it’s not. We’ve all seen how busy you were this past week, but Ms. Potts stopped by looking for you yesterday…”

Tony groans. She must’ve gone up to the communal floors when he missed their Friday night appointment, before realizing he was actually gone and calling him. “Great. Fucking lovely.”

“She seemed worried about you,” Steve tells him.

“Yeah, well, I pissed her off and she’s not talking to me anymore, so I doubt she’s worrying now,” Tony counters. 

“Even if she’s mad at you, that doesn’t mean she not also worried,” Steve says, frowning. “You two have always been… Well, you two. One little fight isn’t going to change that.”

“It’s not just one fight, Steve,” Tony says. “We’ve been fighting about weeks about Stark Industries shit and now she’s found someone else and-”

“ _What?_ ”

It isn’t until Tony looks over and sees the honest, open shock on Steve’s face that he remembers that Steve doesn’t know any of this. _No one_ knows any of this, because Tony’s been a fucking moron and bottling this shit up inside. But he trusts Steve, insomuch as he trusts anyone on the team… which is, admittedly, quite a bit at this point. Maybe it is time to open up to someone and if it’s not Pepper, and it can’t be Rhodey, well, it might as well be Steve.

“Pepper is seeing someone else,” Tony repeats. “I haven’t talked to her about it yet because I didn’t know what to say, and I wanted to see if she’d say something first.”

“When did you find out?” Steve asks, his voice soft. 

“Little over a week ago,” Tony says. 

“So this is why you’ve been avoiding everyone.”

“I haven’t been-” Tony cuts himself off and sighs in frustration. “Fine. Yes. Pepper kept wanting to schedule a time to talk- fucking _schedule_ , like we haven’t been interrupting each other’s lives constantly for the last five years- so I filled up my calendar to avoid her. Which meant I had so much shit to do that I ended up avoiding everyone else.”

Steve snorts. “I thought the immediate need for weapon checks was unusual, but I wasn’t going to question it if you thought it was important.”

“Pepper would’ve seen through fake SI appointments in an instant,” Tony admits with a wry grin, “but she never would’ve doubted Avengers business.”

“I feel like I should be discouraging you from using the team as an excuse to avoid your partner but like I said, I’m not going to discourage more frequent equipment checks,” Steve says with a grin of his own.

“Good to know,” Tony says, “though it’s not like this is going to happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“Really, Steve?” Tony raises an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t it obvious? Pepper’s going to end her relationship with me.”

“What? Why on earth would you think that?” Steve asks incredulously.

“There’s no other reason why she would have hidden it and lied about it and… and now that she has someone new, she doesn’t need me.” It sounds ridiculous, saying it aloud, but Tony knows it’s true. Whether the fear was ever irrational or not, it’s the reality of the situation now. Pepper doesn’t need Tony, doesn’t need to be dealing with his issues, doesn’t need to negotiate two relationships when she could just have one.

Steve frowns and says, “Tony, that’s ridiculous.”

“It’s really not,” Tony says tiredly.

“No, it _really_ is,” Steve insists. “Pepper cares about you. You’ve been together for years and everything has been fine up until now. She’s not going to leave you on a whim for someone new. Aren’t you and Pepper and Rhodes proof that relationships between more than two people can work? Why can’t Pepper date someone else and still be with you?”

“Because having three partners is obviously pushing it,” Tony says, and swallows back the _and because I’m not worth it_ that he wants to say.

“Not according to the websites Natasha’s been having me read,” Steve says.

“Wait, what websites has Natasha been having you read?” Tony asks, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“That’s really not the important part here and I’m not letting you change the subject now,” Steve says. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding Pepper all week, because of some irrational fear that she’ll break up with you the next time you talk?”

Tony scowls at the _irrational fear_ line. It’s not irrational if Pepper’s been proving him right this entire week. “Among other reasons.”

“Other reasons such as…?”

“You know I’m really regretting talking to you about this,” Tony snaps.

Steve just laughs and says, “No you aren’t. You would’ve kicked me out of the workshop already if you were.”

“Screw you, Rogers,” Tony tells him. “Fine. Look, I found out Pepper was seeing someone new and didn’t know how to talk to her about it, then she didn’t say anything to me and all but confirmed that she was going to end our relationship, and then Natasha cornered me one day and started asking questions about my aromantic identity and- and things got twisted up, okay? I couldn’t talk to Pepper when I was dealing with my own shit too, and then I had to go to Malibu and didn’t warn her ahead of time and missed meeting her and we fought. And that’s the full story. Happy?”

“So Natasha’s comment about an identity crisis wasn’t an exaggeration,” Steve says, because of course that’s what he would focus on. “Did you… I mean, are you…?”

“Just spit it out. I don’t know if you’re trying to ask if I’m really aro or if I realized I’m in love with Pepper.”

Steve pauses. “Well, it was going to be the first one but now I’m curious about both.”

“They’re just two sides to the same question, aren’t they?” Tony points out. “So it’s the same answer for both: I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. Everything keeps getting mixed up. I tried asking Rhodey how he knew when he romantically loved someone. He explained it to me and I don’t think I’ve felt that, but that doesn’t make sense. There’s no reason for me to have reacted like this to the possibility of Pepper leaving unless I love her.”

“No, actually, you being this upset about it is the only thing that makes sense here.”

Tony shakes his head. He should’ve known that Steve wouldn’t understand. “No, no, see it _doesn’t_ make sense because nothing is going to change if Pepper ends things. Apart from the sex, that is, but everything else- look, Pepper isn’t cruel, okay? We’d still stay friends, or at least we would’ve before this last fight. But Pepper runs my damn company and we’d get over this quick enough, at least for the sake of the business if nothing else. There’s no reason for me to be so…” Tony waves a hand. “You know.”

“Freaked out?” Steve suggests.

Tony glares at him and counters with, “Mildly worried. There’s no rational reason for me to be _mildly worried_ unless I actually love Pepper. Then it would make sense for me to be this upset about losing the relationship.”

Steve is just staring at him, brow furrowed in obvious confusion, although what Steve could still be confused about after that explanation Tony has no idea. “That’s… not really how that works.”

“Well how would I know, I’m-” Tony begins but he can’t exactly finish his usual retort if he doesn’t really know that he’s aromantic.

But Steve, damn him, knows what Tony was going to say anyway. “I think that may be a sign that you’re not as alloromantic as you think you might be.”

“Seriously, Steve, _screw you_.”

“I’m not trying to start a fight,” Steve says slowly, which is never a good way to begin a sentence, especially not for the two of them, “but have you considered that you might be over-thinking this a little?”

“No?” Tony says. “Because I’m definitely not over-thinking this. How am I over-thinking this?”

“You keep saying that _rationally_ there shouldn’t be any reason for you to be upset about this but that’s the problem. You’re not thinking about this rationally,” Steve tells him.

“Yes I am.”

“No, you’re not,” Steve says. “You think you are, because you can sit down and logic your way through what should happen and know that it shouldn’t be a big deal. But that’s all what _should_ happen. Not necessarily what _will_ happen.”

“Pepper wouldn’t-”

“I know, Tony, I know it’s not likely,” Steve says. “But the possibility does exist. You just said it yourself, you two definitely would have stayed friends _until this last fight_. Except I doubt it took one extra fight for you to think that. I think you’ve been thinking that all along, and just haven’t wanted to admit it.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Tony insists. He knows how he works and how Pepper works and he hasn’t been seriously afraid of losing her completely this whole time. He hasn’t been. He _couldn’t_ have been. The hand that isn’t holding the glass of alcohol comes up to tap rapid beat against the front of the arc reactor, a nervous tic that he has no hope of stopping now. 

“It really does,” Steve says gently. “All you have to go on is, to be blunt, a pretty flimsy belief that Pepper is going to leave you-”

“It’s not flimsy,” Tony grumbles. He drains his glass and pours himself another drink with shaky hands, ignoring Steve’s disapproving look. 

“-and not much else,” Steve finishes, ignoring Tony’s protest completely. “There’s no way for you to be completely logical about what might happen because you have no information to work with. And you can insist all you want that nothing would change except the sex, but we both know that that’s not true. Even if Pepper stayed your friend things would be different, and you know it.”

“It could be true,” Tony mutters, but even he doesn’t really believe that. _Everything_ would change if Pepper broke up with him and started seeing someone else: her relationship with Rhodey, their dynamic with him, their Friday night appointments- it would all be different, and who could say what would happen if Pepper’s new partner thought she was still too close of a friend to Tony after that?

“It doesn’t matter,” Tony says, and it’s supposed to come out as a snarl but it ends up more like a ragged gasp instead. He’s not tapping against the arc reactor anymore he’s gripping it as hard as he dares, the sharp edges of the metal casing digging painfully into his fingers. “It doesn’t matter because _I don’t know what to do!_ ”

“You have to talk to her, Tony.”

“Easier said than done!”

“Why?” Steve asks. “Do you think she’s been cheating on you?”

“What? No, of course not!” Tony says, offended on Pepper’s behalf.

“Then why not? The longer you wait before talking to her, the angrier she’s going to be,” Steve says. “Right now, you have the best chance of staying friends with her even if she breaks up with you. So you just have to get over yourself and _talk to her_.”

“I’ve already waited too long. We’re going to fight _again_ and she’s going to break things off with me and it’s _not going to go well_!”

“So you aren’t going to say anything,” Steve says. “Just because you’re afraid that Ms. Potts is going to leave you no matter what you do?”

“Don’t say it in that tone,” Tony snaps, taking another sip of his drink.

“The tone where it sounds like I think you’re being an idiot?” Steve asks. Tony nods. “That’s because you are being an idiot, Tony.”

Tony scowls. “No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Steve leans against the nearest workbench and crosses his arms, studying Tony who’s slumped, half-drunk and looking a little pathetic, on the couch. “You know what your problem is?”

“Besides everything you’ve already yelled at me about?” Tony says, voice dripping with derision and sarcasm.

“You’re so afraid of losing what you have that you’d rather say nothing and let it quietly dissolve instead of speaking up and risking the slim- and it is slim, don’t give me that look- chance that your relationship will end then and there,” Steve says. “You’ll regret it if you don’t say anything.”

“No I won’t,” Tony mutters, mostly just to be difficult.

“Yes, you will,” Steve says firmly. “Take it from someone who didn’t speak up when he had the chance, and regrets it now.”

That makes Tony pause, if only because Steve rarely mentions the life he left behind when he crashed that plane over the Atlantic. Steve adjusted to the 21st century so quickly, embracing his new life with such enthusiasm, that most of the time the rest of them don’t think about what it must be like to live with so many loose threads that can never be neatly wrapped up.

And Steve uses that pause to keep talking. “Look, Tony, the worst that can happen is that Pepper breaks up with you.”

“And that’s a pretty big _worst_ ,” Tony says. “As you’ve so nicely reminded me.”

“She cares about you, though, even if she decides that she needs space. And even though she _could_ end her friendship with you, I doubt that she will.” Steve says. “I mean, she’s running your company for god’s sake! It’s in her best interest to remain friends with you, to say nothing of the years she’s invested in being part of your life. And even if things are rough for a while, you’ll still have Rhodey. And the rest of us will at least be around when he can’t be.”

There’s logic to that, and unlike the wild denials that Tony has been running with for the last week Steve’s words ring with truth. That doesn’t stop Tony from responding with a sarcastic, “Aw, Cap, are you going to cuddle me when my Rhodeybear isn’t around, then?”

“You say that as if there’s anyone on this team that wouldn’t give you a hug if you ever asked us without joking about it,” says Steve, and he sounds so serious that Tony is actually afraid to laugh. “You’ve got to stop expecting the worse from everyone around you.”

“Yeah, well, after enough people shit on you and let you down, you find out that it’s easier to expect nothing from the start,” Tony mutters, and he drains his glass.

Steve sighs and shakes his head. “You’re going to have to trust people at some point, you know. Besides Pepper and Rhodey, that is.”

“Hey, I trust the team, don’t I?” Tony challenges. He picks up the whiskey bottle and mutters a curse under his breath when he realizes that it’s empty.

“Yes, you do. Some days, I’m still surprised by that,” Steve says, and pushes away from the workbench. “But trusting someone not to let you die in battle is different than emotionally trusting someone, and you know it.”

“Not when you’ve had so many people that you used to trust stab you in the back.” Or literally rip your, admittedly mechanical, heart out of your chest- but, hey, details.

Steve has this pinched, sad little look on his face that Tony hates. It’s not pity- Tony knows Steve too well at this point to make the mistake of thinking that that’s pity- but it still makes Tony’s stomach twist uncomfortably to see it.

"You still need to take steps to trust people, Tony," Steve says, and he sounds a little sad and a little tired as he speaks. Tony hates that he has that effect on people. "I think you trust Pepper enough to talk to her about this, even if you're afraid."

Tony scoffs, but it's mostly a reflexive response. He just admitted to being scared to talk to Pepper, there's no way he can deny Steve's words now.

"But if you don't think you can do that- although honestly you _do_ need to talk to her, Tony- can you at least talk to Natasha?"

Tony blinks, thrown by the unexpected conversational change. "Nat?"

"She’s sorry for what she said. She didn't mean to upset you like that," Steve explains. "She's just trying to understand this, we all are. Remember when I was trying to understand Clint's gender and he punched me in the face?" Tony snorts, and nods. "It's the same thing. Nat will probably even let you take a swing at her if you really wanted to."

Tony chuckles at that, and he's a little surprised at how genuine it sounds. "I'm not gonna take a swing at Nat. She'd kick my ass the next time we trained together if I did."

"That's probably a smart choice," Steve agrees with a small grin of his own. "Just... think about it Tony, okay? There's plenty of people who'd be in your corner if you'd only let them."

Steve turns and walks out of the workshop, and Tony lets him go. He's too tired to continue this conversation. Days spent in panicked soul-searching, lying to everyone and avoiding anyone who might want to help, have worn Tony down. He knows that this self-destructive, lone-wolf routine is gonna get him killed one day. Maybe this will end up being the wake-up call he needed to stop this tired, bullshit routine.

And hopefully that wake-up call won't end up with one of the best things in his life exploding in his face.

Tony reaches for the bottle of whiskey again before he remembers that it's empty, and settles for making a face at it instead. He doesn't have any more alcohol down in the workshop- he's learned the hard way that drinking and engineering don't exactly mix- and going upstairs would mean facing the team.

But maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing.

Tony grabs his phone, discarded down the side of the couch about an hour earlier, and types out a quick message. He sends it before he can talk himself out of it, and sits back to wait and see what response he gets.

_I’m out of booze. Want to bring down a bottle and drink away our sorrows together?_

As far as olive branches go, it’s a pretty shitty one. He has no idea what Natasha is up to at the moment, if she's even awake or if she's already asleep, or even if she's in the Tower at all. He hadn't checked with JARVIS before sending the text, how's that for a leap of faith? But he's known Natasha longer than anyone else on the team, and he knows that if she's awake and available she'll understand everything he can't say.

Whether she'll accept it, is a different story.

When the response finally comes Tony almost fumbles his phone, and he will deny with his dying breath that his hands are shaking as he opens the message and reads it.

_counter-offer, you come up here and watch bad tv with sam and I_

Tony makes a face at that suggestion and is still debating what to send in response when another message from Natasha comes through.

_there’s vodka up here. I’ll bartend :)_

Tony knows that he shouldn’t keep drinking, but Natasha also has first-hand experience with his drinking issues and knowing her she’ll mix him weak drinks all night. If Tony’s olive branch was painfully inadequate Natasha’s certainly isn’t much better, but it’s not an unappealing option right now. That’s why he generally works so well with Nat; they understand each other's broken attempts at normal socialization, and respond in kind without judgement or mockery.

Well. Without too much judgement or mockery.

"JARVIS, do I want to know what they're watching on TV up there?" Tony asks, although he's already starting to stand up before he finishes the question. He considers it a victory that the room barely spins as he stumbles off the couch and towards the door.

"I daresay you do not, Sir," JARVIS replies, and Tony's answering laugh is bright and genuine.

 

**Then - June 2010**

Pepper didn't set out intending to sleep with Tony Stark.

That's a goal for some people. For a lot of people, probably, if Pepper wants to be honest about it. After all she's dealt with enough of Tony's one-night stands, wannabe-lovers, and terrifying stalkers requiring swift legal action over the years. She has a pretty solid idea of how many people want in Tony's pants; men, women, non-binary people, of all sexualities. Whatever the combination of identities, they all seem to want Tony.

And, if Pepper is being absolutely honest, she would have to include herself in the "wanting" category.

Not that Pepper ever thought anything was going to happen. She was never going to do anything to risk her friendship with Tony ever again, even if they had agreed to “revisit” the subject down the road if one of them wanted too. Pepper would have had no problem with Tony bringing the topic up again, but it has yet to happen.

Ever since their conversation over a year ago Tony has been more at ease around her. He’ll joke sometimes about not loving anyone, even if he has never used the word _aromantic_. He still rants to Pepper when trashy media outlets publish false rumors about his love life, but now his complaints are more specific, more pointed, more honest. He trusts her more, she thinks, and she will not risk that for any amount of sex in the world.

But somehow she’s still ended up here- next to Tony in his bed, both of them still naked from the night before, the blankets a hopeless mess around them. Tony is still asleep, which she’s surprised about on some level; given how difficult it was to actually get the man to leave the workshop some nights she would have thought that he’d be a very light and easily disturbed sleeper. But she rolls over to face him without him showing even the slightest signs of waking. 

His face and the exposed portions of his torso are dotted with bruises from his brutal fight with Vanko’s droids. It’s not the first time she’s seen him battered after a battle in the Iron Man suit and she knows it won’t be the last. And with Natalie- no, Natasha and oh, _god_ , that’s a line of thought that Pepper is in no place to process at the moment- most likely out of the picture, Pepper knows exactly who is going to be responsible for touching up Tony’s makeup before the necessary press conferences and public appearances. 

Surprisingly, that thought doesn’t bother her as much as she expected it to. Even if doing Tony’s makeup is certainly not in her job description anymore.

Part of the arc reactor is just visible over the rumpled blankets and Pepper gently pushes them aside to get a better look at the new piece of technology. Because there’s no denying that this is a new arc reactor- Tony had confirmed as much the night before and at any rate she’s well aware of what the previous model looked like. This one seems brighter, and it may just be Pepper’s imagination but even with the bruises and scrapes covering his body Tony’s skin seems better, his pallor much healthier than it was before. 

Hindsight always is 20-20. They had talked, briefly, about the palladium poisoning, about Natalie- Natasha, _damnit_ \- and about Vanko and Howard and the history that neither of them had known about, but there’s so much more of that conversation left to have. Pepper thinks about the strawberries and wonders how many more signs she might have missed over the last few months. She looks back, and wonders how long it’ll be before she can eat an omelette again without guilt and bile rising in the back of her throat. 

She wonders, mostly, how this will change things with Tony. She’s not naive enough to think that nothing will be different; she’s just hoping that this won’t end up being a huge mistake on their parts. She doesn’t think it will be- she knows, after all, what her feelings are and while she’s not quite sure how to describe them she now knows without a doubt that they aren’t _romantic._ But satisfying one of Tony’s fears might not be enough to ensure smooth sailing for this… well, whatever this is. 

It’s not like they’ve talked about any of this, beyond their awkward, fumbling conversation from months ago. And while they did talk last night, there’s still a noticeable conversational gap between “So I actually was dying…” and the frantic kissing that ultimately led to them falling into bed together. 

Pepper sighs and rolls back over onto her back. Unfortunately she can't answer any of the questions she has by herself. But she doesn't exactly want to wake up Tony either- god knows he can always use the extra sleep.

"JARVIS, what time is it?" she asks, her voice just barely above a whisper. There's a clock on the other side of the bed, but Pepper doesn't particularly feel like moving around Tony to get a look at it. JARVIS throws up a holo display with the time: 10:14am. Lovely.

It's late in the morning and Pepper knows that there has to be a media shitstorm brewing over what happened at the Expo that she is going to have to deal with personally sooner or later. But even with SHIELD on the scene the night before to take control of the situation it was still nearly two hours before her and Tony were able to leave, and even though they fell into bed just after midnight... well, they didn't exactly fall _asleep_ right then and there. She's exhausted, to put it mildly, but now that she's awake she knows she's not going to be able to get back to sleep either.

Pepper slips carefully out of bed, being sure not to disturb Tony; if she's exhausted she can only imagine how he feels, having literally cheated death only days before. The thought sends a shiver down her spine and she takes a moment to study Tony's sleeping form, to assure herself that he's still breathing, that the arc reactor in his chest is still working, that he's still alive despite all of the odds stacked against him.

Her clothes are, embarrassingly enough, scattered across the room. It takes her several minutes to find most of them- she doesn't bother looking for her shoes, and she gives up on finding her socks after about a minute.

"JARVIS, start the coffee, please," she says as soon as she's slipped out of the room and closed the door quietly behind her. "And let me know when Tony wakes up- and tell him where I am as soon as he does, the last thing I want is him freaking out when he realizes I'm not in bed."

"Of course, Ms. Potts," JARVIS replies. "I took the liberty of starting the coffee when you first awoke. It should be ready in less than a minute."

"JARVIS, don't tell Tony this, but you're a godsend," Pepper says.

"I do believe Sir would appreciate hearing the feedback on my performance," JARVIS says, with a hint of pride in his tone.

Pepper grins. "Yeah, but his ego doesn't need any more inflating, now does it?"

There's a pause. "Perhaps not," the AI agrees, and Pepper laughs.

By the time she reaches the kitchen the coffee is indeed done brewing and she immediately pours herself a mug, draining about a third of it in one go, more concerned with getting the caffeine in her body than the inevitable burning of her mouth. “How bad is the situation with the Expo?” Pepper asks JARVIS after she takes a second, slower, sip of her coffee.

This time, the pause from the AI is concerning instead of amusing. “This will not be the worst blow to Stark Industries since Sir’s return from Afghanistan,” JARVIS says carefully. “However I’m afraid the media is not spinning the situation in our favor. Shall I pull up the newsfeed?”

Pepper thinks about that. “Is SHIELD still in control of the situation?”

“From the limited access I have to their systems, yes,” JARVIS replies.

“Then no,” Pepper says. “Not right now at least. I need a few more hours before I can even think of managing SI business.”

A few hours where she’s going to have to talk to Tony about the night before- both the killer robots attacking the Stark Expo, and their _liaison_ later. Because that’s going to be _such_ a fun conversation to have.

“Sir has awakened,” JARVIS says suddenly. “I have informed him of your location and he will be out momentarily.”

Pepper curses under her breath, even as she reaches for a second coffee mug and pours Tony a cup of his own. She had hoped Tony would sleep longer, both for his own sake and because she desperately needed the time to figure out what she wanted to say. But of course she couldn’t be that lucky, not when dealing with a chronic insomniac like Tony Stark.

“Hey,” Tony says in greeting, his voice still sleep-rough and his eyes barely open. 

Pepper passes him the mug of coffee and he makes a pleased noise low in his throat as he takes it. Pepper can feel her face flushing at the memory of what _else_ gets him to make that noise. 

“This is why you’re my favorite,” Tony mumbles.

“I would’ve thought Rhodey would be your favorite,” Pepper says, teasingly.

Tony hums and says, “True, but you gave me _coffee_.” And, to Pepper’s surprise, he leans against her, curling in against her side and sighing contentedly. 

Tentatively, unsure of what’s going on and what’s acceptable here, Pepper reaches out with her free hand and cards her fingers through Tony’s hair. He sighs again, almost a purr. “Is this okay?” she asks softly. 

Tony nods, his hair brushing against her neck. “It’s perfect,” he tells her. 

“Okay,” she says. “I wasn’t sure… You said you didn’t like…”

Tony cracks open his eyes so he can look up at Pepper as he says, “I don’t mind. Sometimes. With people I trust.” And he looks away to take a sip of coffee, seemingly unaware of the profound impact his words have on Pepper. 

"Okay," she repeats, softer this time, and risks pressing a kiss to the top of Tony's head. She catches a hint of a smile on his face, mostly hidden by the coffee cup, and has to smile herself. 

They stay like that for several long minutes, sipping their coffee in contented silence, before Tony speaks again. "I was glad when JARVIS told me you were in the kitchen. I was a little worried when I woke up and you were gone."

"I didn't want to disturb you," Pepper tells him. "You need to get more sleep, Tony."

Tony waves his free hand, brushing aside her comment. "It's fine. I'm fine," he says dismissively. Another beat of silence. "We have to talk about this, don't we?"

"Yeah. We do," Pepper says. 

Tony sighs but takes a step back so he can face Pepper properly. She already misses the warmth of his body against hers. "So. Last night was... uh..."

"I enjoyed myself," Pepper tells him, when it's clear that Tony isn't going to say anything useful any time soon. "It seemed like you enjoyed yourself too."

"Oh, I definitely did," Tony says, but he visibly sags with relief and the words don't have the crude or teasing tone that Pepper was half-expecting to hear. "I guess... Well, I mean, would you want to do that again?"

"Yes," Pepper says immediately, because she absolutely wants to do that again. And again, and _again_ , for as long as Tony will let her. 

"Okay. Okay, good, awesome, because that- I want that too," Tony says and he gives her a small, nervous smile. "I- I have to warn you, though, this doesn't mean we're... I'm still not..."

"I know," Pepper assures him. "I'm fine with that. With this being sex, and-" she bites her bottom lip, wondering if she should say this- if she's allowed to say it, "-and whatever else, romance or intimacy or anything like that, is on your terms. I want- I want the friendship we currently have, plus sex, and whatever else you want give when you can give it. But I won't push for that. I don't need that from you."

"I need to know, though, that you won't resent me for not being able to give you more than I can," Tony tells her.

"I won't," Pepper says. "I don't need romance. Right now, with everything that just happened with the Expo and the backlash that's going to hit SI, the last thing I need is a romantic relationship."

Tony winces at the reminder of the disaster that was the night before. "How bad is it?" he asks her. 

"I haven't looked yet," Pepper admitted. "JARVIS said SHIELD still has control of the situation so I've given myself the morning off. I think that's deserved, don't you?"

The grin Tony gives her this time is wide and bright and he says, "I definitely think so, Ms. Potts."

Pepper smiles back at him but there's one thing that's still bothering her, one question that she's been turning over in the back of her mind ever since she woke up naked in Tony's bed that morning. "There's something else that I need to ask," she says, and the smile immediately fades from Tony's face. 

"What is it?" he asks, his voice level and calm even as he takes another sip of his coffee as a painfully transparent excuse to hide his face. 

“It’s… God, I hate that I’m going to ask this, and for the record I don’t think you did, but… I’m so sorry, I have to ask or it’s going to keep eating at me.” Pepper takes a deep breath, even though she knows it won’t be enough to calm her racing heart, and asks, “You said, back when we first talked, that you wouldn’t do anything while I was still your employee. Is this… Did you- Did you make me your CEO so you could…?”

“No,” Tony says immediately, before Pepper can even finish the question, and Pepper hates herself so much in that moment but there’s understanding in Tony’s eyes… and somehow that just makes everything _worse_ , the fact that Tony isn’t even angry, that he knows why Pepper had to ask such a horrible question.

“No,” he repeats. “I didn’t. I promoted you because you were qualified, more than qualified, and I was dying. I wanted to make sure someone I trusted was running my company, not some rich schmuck the Board promoted after I kicked the bucket.” Tony tries for a smile, but it comes out looking more like a sad sort of grimace. “Can I ask you a question now?”

Pepper nods. It’s only fair, after all. “Of course.”

Tony’s smile becomes a bit more genuine, a bit more teasing, and Pepper starts to relax even before Tony asks, “So what’s _your_ policy on sleeping with your employees, then?”

That startles a laugh out of Pepper, before she has any chance of holding it back. “Tony!”

“What?” Tony’s smile only gets wider and brighter.

“Tony, you know that’s a company policy, it’s not-”

“Pepper,” Tony interrupts. “I own the majority in the company. I’m on the Board. I’m head of R&D. My name is on the goddamned tower- or at least it will be when we finish building it. And you’re the CEO, the best fucking CEO this company will ever have. Who is going to believe there is any sort of coercion going on in this situation?”

“And when the media drags up the rumors that I slept my way to the top?” There had already been more than a few headlines to that effect when the news first broke that Pepper had been made CEO.

“They won’t have any more evidence than they do now,” Tony says. “You’re over at my house all the time anyway and I’m aromantic. There’s not going to be any PDA for them to latch on to, if we do this.”

Tony’s use of the word _aromantic_ , Tony finally claiming that label for himself, takes her by surprise. It takes a moment for what he said to really sink in, but when it does Pepper can’t stop the slow, wide grin from spreading across her face. “Aromantic, huh?”

“Yeah, well, I did a little reading, a little soul searching, decided the term seemed to fit,” Tony says, feigning nonchalance but he can’t hide his grin either. “And if I hear a single I-told-you-so about this…”

“I would never!” Pepper laughs.

“Of course not,” Tony says with a smirk. “So, Pep, what do you say? You want to give this friends with benefits thing a go?”

Pepper wrinkles her nose. “Can we not call it that?”

“I’m not saying that we’re dating,” Tony says, surprisingly firm about this point. “I’m not… I’m sorry, Pepper. I don’t like that term, I’m not comfortable calling it that-”

“Just a relationship, then,” Pepper says, before Tony can work himself up. “We’d be in a relationship. A non-romantic one, but a relationship nonetheless.”

“A relationship,” Tony repeats, mulling it over. “Yeah. Okay. I can do that.” He clears his throat and adds, a little more hesitant, “There’s, uh, there’s one thing you should know, though. Before we make this official.”

“Okay…” Pepper says slowly. That doesn’t sound good. “What is it?”

“I… I might already have another non-romantic relationship thing going on,” Tony admits, and Pepper feels her stomach drop. “It was a friends with benefits thing, that’s what we called it, but ever since I told him that I’m pretty sure I’m aro…” Tony shrugs. “I think it might be an actual thing. A- a relationship thing, like this would be.”

“Okay…” Pepper repeats, at a loss for words. She’s taken aback and hurt, because while she had accepted that Tony won’t love her romantically she would have thought that there’d be some sort of exclusivity with this-

“Pepper, listen to me, the only reason that relationship is still going on and why I want it to continue is because… because it’s Rhodey,” Tony explains.

“ _What?_ ”

“We’ve been fucking since I was, like, 21,” Tony says casually, as if this is a thing you can just drop into conversation like that. “On and off, and right before Afghanistan it was more _off_ than _on_ … but things have been… different, at least, since I got back.”

“Oh,” Pepper says. She has no idea what else to say.

“In the interests of being brutally honest so nothing about this situation can come back to bite me in the ass later, I’d like to keep my relationship with him. That’s- that’s a dealbreaker for me,” Tony says. “I have no problem going through regular STD testing if you want proof that I’m clean, and-”

“Tony,” Pepper interrupts gently. “I don’t have a problem with you continuing your relationship with Rhodey.”

Now it’s Tony’s turn to just say “Oh,” with no other follow-up comment.

“I’d…” Pepper bites her lip but decides, to hell with it, she’ll kick herself later if she doesn’t ask now. “I’d prefer if it was only Rhodey, though. If this was… relatively exclusive.”

“I’m not sleeping with anyone else,” Tony says, and she can hear the honesty in his voice. “I haven’t, not since…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, but Pepper can fill in the blanks easily enough: Not since Afghanistan. Not since Stane betrayed his trust. 

“It’s just you two,” Tony continues. “At this point, I think it’s only going to be you two. So I can give you exclusivity, just you and Rhodey. Rhodey used to hook up with other people but he hasn’t for… god, a few years now I think. And we both got tested regularly anyway. So I can make that same offer to you- open relationship, you do whatever, and whoever, you want as long as you’re upfront about it.”

“I’m not going to sleep with anyone else, Tony!” Pepper says.

“Any what if you fall in love with someone else?” Tony says, and that gets Pepper to draw up short. She hadn’t thought of that before.

“I’d still tell you,” she says at last. “Before I do anything else, I’d tell you. And I wouldn’t give up my relationship with you just to pursue a romantic one with someone else.”

“Okay then,” Tony says, and he sounds a little skeptical which Pepper is hurt by, but he keeps talking before she can confront him about it. “So we’re doing this then? You and me, and me and Rhodey? This gets a green light?”

“Yes Tony,” Pepper says. “But…”

“Pardon the interruption, but there is an incoming call from SHIELD,” JARVIS says, sounding almost apologetic. 

Tony sighs and gives Pepper a wry grin. “So much for the morning off, huh?” he says. “Okay, J. Patch it through.”

Pepper listens to the conversation with SHIELD, occasionally interjecting a point about something related to SI but mostly just listening to Tony riling up the poor agent on the other end, and makes a mental note to continue her earlier conversation with Tony later. She wants to talk to him a little more in-depth about the possibility of her pursuing a romantic relationship with someone else at some point in the distant future. If there’s going to be a problem there, she wants to know about it now.

 

**Now - May 2015 - Monday**

Pepper has to know that he's there. Tony is more than half-convinced that she's found a way to figure out the moment he steps foot onto the Stark Industries floors of the Tower- there's no way she hasn't noticed him hovering outside the clear-glass doors of her office. The fact that she hasn't looked up from the stack of reports that she's reading is not a good sign.

Tony lets out a slow breath and pushes the door open. "Knock, knock," he says, in lieu of actually knocking. "Do you have a second?"

"That depends," Pepper says, signing her name on another sheet of paper without looking up at Tony, "on whether this is a social call or a business one."

There's ice in her voice, the sort of frozen chill that Tony hasn't heard in years. In an instant Tony is back in her office in Malibu, so similar to this one with it's carefully-curated decorations, modern-chic trinkets and neutral artwork, and for a moment Tony swears that he can smell the scent of strawberries heavy in the air and feel the ache of the palladium poisoning weighing down his bones. Pepper looks the same as she did back then, but Tony feels immeasurably older and unspeakably changed.

"Social, I suppose," Tony says, and the conversation has barely started but he's already so exhausted. "If you consider an overdue explanation a social call."

"I suppose that depends on what your explanation entails," Pepper says mildly. She shifts a stack of papers to the side and picks up another document, starting to read it still without glancing at Tony. She's waiting for him to speak, but now that he's here he cannot for the life of him find the words to explain the last week.

"Can we do this somewhere else?" Tony's eyes flick over to where Pepper's assistant is sitting, just outside the clear glass walls of the office.

Pepper sighs, and there's already a note of frustration there. "Tony, it's the middle of the day and I'm trying to work-"

"It's just that I don't think you're going to want this overheard," Tony tries to explain.

"Then schedule something on my calendar and actually show up for it this time because I don't have time to step away to clean up another one of your messes, honestly, I should've known that this was going to-"

"I know you're seeing someone else," Tony blurts out and shit, that wasn't what he meant to say, that wasn't what he was going to lead with here!

Pepper goes still, immediately caught off-guard, and she finally looks up to meet Tony's eyes. There's open shock on her face, and something that looks frighteningly like horror as well- though if it's horror at Tony's knowledge or at the realization that she's misjudged the situation so badly, he can't tell.

"Maybe," she says at last, slowly setting down the document with a hand that's somehow still impossibly steady, "we should have this discussion somewhere else."

There's silence between them as they leave the office, broken only by Pepper pausing to tell her assistant to clear her schedule for the rest of the afternoon. Tony is surprised by that- he knows how much Pepper has on her plate, and he knows that she can't afford to lose those hours of work. But Pepper just smiles at him, tiny and hesitant but there nonetheless, and leads the way to the elevator. Something in Tony's chest unclenches and he lets himself relax a fraction as the elevator rises to the private floors. 

They stop at Pepper's suite, rather than the penthouse or a communal floor. It's the same as it's ever been, messier than most people would expect it to be, but the clutter is all hers. Tony hadn't realized, until that moment, how relieved he would be to see nothing new, nothing belonging to this new person in Pepper’s life.

"I should-"

"I'm sorry-"

Tony chuckles and motions for Pepper to speak first.

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you about this yet. The situation... Well, it's very new and there were some things I was discussing with the person in question that I wanted to have answers to before I spoke to you." She bites her lip and asks, a little more hesitantly, "Is this why you've been acting so strangely?"

Tony shrugs. "I found out last week, after our fight." He exhales loudly, a huff of air that's not quite a laugh and not quite a sigh. "The one about the prototype," he clarifies, and how sad is it that they've been fighting so much recently that he has to specify which instance he's talking about? "I thought you'd mention it the following morning but you didn’t, and then you cancelled our Friday night and when I got back from the Avengers mission I looked for you but-"

"I had already left the Tower," Pepper finishes, and her eyes are agonized. "Oh, god, Tony, I'm so sorry."

Tony shrugs. "I should've asked you about it, instead of jumping to conclusions myself." 

Pepper gives him a quizzical look and he doesn't want to say this, he doesn't want to keep talking because he knows how much his words are going to hurt her. They’re going to hurt her, and they’re going to fight again, and he can't see any positive ending coming from that. 

But if his talk with Steve the night before made anything clear, it's that giving into his fear isn't an option. Not saying anything is not an option, not anymore.

"I thought you were going to break things off with me," he says, and words are so raw and brittle that it feels like they're slicing at his throat. One of Pepper's hands flies up to cover her mouth, her eyes wide and horrified and so full of pain that Tony wants to take it all back, the words and the last week and everything he's ever done to put that look on her face. 

"You didn't talk to me," Tony says and there's desperation in his voice because he needs her to understand this, he needs her to hear his explanation before she realizes how much he's hidden from her over the last week. "I found out on accident and you didn't say anything, and you cancelled our Friday night and left with this new person, and we've been fighting, and-" His face twists into something unpleasant, something full of self-loathing, because if Pepper breaks up with him for this he has only himself to blame. 

"I wouldn't blame you," he says. "If you wanted to date someone who could give you romance and everything else in one package."

"I can date someone like that, and still be with you," Pepper says softly. "Tony... Oh, god..."

"I'm sorry," Tony tells her. "For not talking to you about this. For- for jumping to conclusions and stewing and- and-"

"Oh, Tony," Pepper repeats, like it's the only words she can still say. She opens her arms and Tony moves before he even recognizes the motion for what it is, meeting her halfway and embracing her like he's wanted to do for the last week. "I'm so sorry," she murmurs. "I didn't know... I didn't think... God, Tony, I'm so sorry for making you think I'd leave you like that."

"I wouldn't blame you if you did," Tony says again, but Pepper shakes her head, her hair brushing against his cheek. 

"I would never," Pepper says, and her words are so firm that there's no mistaking the honesty in them. "You aren't a piece of outdated tech that needs to be replaced. You're my friend, my partner, you're part of my family. I can't believe you'd think..." She shakes her head again. "I'm sorry for whatever I did to make you think that would be a possibility."

"It wasn't you," Tony says. "It's my own issues. It's always been my own issues."

"I should've told you. I should've... God, I promised..." Pepper is shaking in his arms and Tony leads them over to the couch so they can sit. "I promised I'd tell you if I was seeing anyone else and I swear I was going to, but that doesn't excuse the fact that I didn't."

"I should've trusted you,” Tony says. “That's entirely on me."

"Not entirely," Pepper counters. 

Tony shrugs. "I knew you were hiding it, but I couldn't figure out why you'd do that unless you were trying to postpone breaking things off with me." It's easier to talk now that he's relatively sure that that isn't going to happen, but it's still an effort to find the words needed to explain the confusing jumble of thoughts he's been sorting out for the last week. "You weren't telling me- and I have issues, Pep, god, you know I do, and I let them get the better of me. So I just kept lying, because I thought if I could convince you that everything was alright I could at least postpone..."

Pepper reaches out for Tony’s hand and squeezes it, obviously trying to calm him down. But Tony doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want to be calm about this, he doesn’t have it in him to talk about this rationally. The fear, the stress, the need to explain himself and make Pepper understand makes him want to pull away and keep pushing, pushing, _pushing_ until everything is laid bare. 

Tony doesn’t pull away, forces himself to keep his hand there- until Pepper’s thumb starts rubbing absentmindedly along the back of his hand. Tony bears it for a few seconds, and then he has to jerk away, hiding his hands in his laps, curling them into fists. “Sorry,” he bites out. “Sorry, I don’t- I can’t- Can you not-?”

“Of course,” Pepper says. “Tony, it’s fine. You’re fine.”

But Tony doesn’t feel fine, nothing about this feels _fine_. There’s a thin tendril of shame and disgust curling through his chest, something that hasn’t been there since the early days of trying to set romantic boundaries with Pepper, something that he hasn’t missed and that he doesn’t know why it’s there. 

“Sorry,” he repeats, even though he knows it’s useless, even though he knows it’s unwanted. 

Pepper just smiles at him; they’ve been in this position often enough that she knows she doesn’t have to say anything. 

Tony takes a deep breath, and then another, each one shuddering through him and making his chest around the arc reactor ache. “Why didn’t you say something?” Tony asks, his voice soft and plaintive. “If there’s someone else, why didn’t you…?”

Pepper closes her eyes and sighs, like she’s not surprised by the question but is dreading having to answer it. “Ironically enough,” she says, with a smile that’s more like a grimace. “I wanted to try to stop you from panicking before things were worked out on my end.”

Tony doesn’t even need to make the obvious _Well, clearly that didn’t happen_ comment. They both already know it.

“I was going to tell you and Jim both next week, when Jim was back in town,” Pepper explains. “I thought this would be best handled in-person with all three of us talking together. If I had known that you knew already I would have talked about it with you before then…” She shakes her head. “Why didn’t you say something to me when you found out?”

Tony doesn’t want to talk about this. Now that he’s discussed it once with Steve he’s embarrassed that he let his emotions get the best of him and he has no idea how he’s supposed to tell Pepper that, for nearly a week, he thought he possibly loved her. “Like I said, I was worried about you breaking up with me. But also… Well, Natasha said some things… That’s not really the important part.”

The words are the hardest he’s ever spoken, harder than initially negotiating this mess of a relationship, harder than making up after any fight he’s ever had with Pepper before. “I didn’t want to accept that if we broke up things would change, so I convinced myself that nothing would be different except us not sleeping together anymore. But then I couldn’t figure out why I was still so- so upset. I thought… I thought I had to be romantically in love with you, to be as upset as I was.”

Pepper’s inhale is sharp and loud in the stillness of the room. “What?”

The last thing Tony wants is to repeat those words. He wants to pretend he never said them in the first place, wants to pretend this last week never happened. “I thought I could be alloromantic,” Tony says, because that’s easier than having to once again tell Pepper that he thought he might love her. “I got turned around and confused and I thought…”

“Are you in love with me?” Pepper asks quietly.

Tony lets out a laugh before he can stop himself, and then lets out another near-hysterical giggle at Pepper’s look of confused incredulousness. “Am I the only one having flashbacks to the first time we had a conversation like this then?” Tony asks. “Malibu, about five years ago, I was a dick, you were lying to me, ringing any bells?”

“I wasn’t lying, Tony,” Pepper says with a small smile.

Tony huffs, not quite a laugh and not quite a sigh, and says, “Pep, I know you were. I’ve always known you were, you and Rhodey both, and when I asked Rhodey what romantic love felt like he confirmed everything for me.”

Pepper’s smile vanishes instantly and she closes her eyes. “Fuck,” she breathes. “What does “everything” entail?”

“Nothing I didn’t already know. Just that both you and him loved me at some point,” Tony tells her. “And he helped me figure out how I felt about… Well, him and Steve helped, but the point is-”

“Tony,” Pepper interrupts gently. That little smile is back and she looks okay with the conversation again, maybe even a bit amused by it now. “Do you love me?”

It should be an intimidating question, but after everything he’s already admitted Tony finds that he isn’t scared of answering it honestly. “No, I don’t,” he says, and the words are a balm, a soothing relief, now that they’re spoken aloud. “Not romantically. You’re one of the best things in my life, one of the closest people to me, one of the few I trust with anything. I love you, but it’s not romantic. And it will never be romantic.” He takes a deep breath and smiles, and he’s surprised by how it doesn’t hurt. “And that’s okay.”

“That’s a _relief_ , is what it is,” Pepper says, “because, for the record, I don’t romantically love you anymore. I haven’t loved you like that since we got together, I swear-”

“I believe you,” Tony says, cutting her off, because while he appreciates her openness this isn’t a conversation he wants to have at the moment. “I believe you, Pep, I promise I do. I’m just sorry…” There’s too much he’s sorry for, too many things from the past week that demand an apology, and not enough time to say everything he has to. “…for fucking up,” he says at last, but knowing that he fucked up will never be enough to fix all his mistakes. He had that drilled into him at a very young age.

“You weren’t the only one who made mistakes,” Pepper tells him. “Were you thinking that I was going to be angry about this? About you questioning your identity?”

Tony shrugs. “I figured you wouldn’t be happy that I kept all of this from you, even though it concerned you.”

“ _Barely_ concerns me,” Pepper corrects. “This is about _you_ and _your_ life and _your_ identity before anything else. If there’s anything I’m angry about it’s that you didn’t talk to me about _anything_ over the last week- but I don’t exactly have the moral high road when it comes to initiating conversations, do I? But Tony, I don’t…” She bites her bottom lip and glances away from him, nervous and unsure as she asks, “Have I done something to make you not trust me in this relationship?”

“No. It’s not-” Tony snorts. “God, forgive the cliché, but it’s not you, it’s me. I thought I was in better control of my irrational fears than I guess I actually am.”

“Irrational fears like thinking I’m going to leave you for someone else?” Pepper asks.

“Exactly like that,” Tony says. Now that, he hopes, the worst of the conversation is over he’s just _tired_. He wants this to be done, even though he knows there’s more they still need to talk about. “Our relationship shouldn’t work, not with three people involved and my history with both you and Rhodey. I’m glad it does, I’m so glad that it does… but it is improbable. You have to know that.”

“Of course I know that,” Pepper says. “Do you have any idea how terrified I was in the beginning? I spent the first six months waiting for everything to fall apart, but now? After five years?” She shakes her head. “It would take something monumentally terrible for this relationship to fail. And, for the record, even when that happens I’m not leaving. It’ll take more than your insecurities to drive me away, as long as you want me around.”

“I’m always going to want you around,” Tony tells her. If there’s one thing he’s learned over the last week, it’s that he doesn’t want to imagine a world where Pepper- or Rhodey, for that matter- isn’t a part of his life anymore.

“Then I’ll be around. This may be a surprise to you, Tony, but I like having you in my life too,” Pepper says.

“Okay,” Tony says. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever trust himself not to fuck up this relationship, but he will always trust Pepper to know what she’s doing. And if she says that she’s happy, that she wants Tony to stick around, then Tony is more than happy to do just that.

“Okay,” Pepper agrees, as if it’s as easy as that. Which Tony is doubtful of because, seriously, there are so many issues here, so many things that should be immediate relationship-enders… but Tony doesn’t want this to end, and he knows that his fears are irrational, and he’s more than willing to let those fears die down again.

“Okay,” Tony repeats, and Pepper giggles a little, and Tony can’t help but smile at that and think _Maybe we can do this after all_. “I think I’ve covered all of my excitement. Apart from some boring Avengers stuff but honestly, who cares about superhero minutia anyway?”

“I do,” Pepper says. “When I’m accosted on the street by reporters wanting to know why Iron Man set off explosions over the city the night before.”

“That happened _once_ , Pepper, _one time_!” Tony protests, but he can’t hold back a laugh and it ruins his attempt at faux indignation.

“Twice, if you count that time in Portland,” Pepper says, and she laughs when Tony tries to swat at her arm. “Come on, Tony, I was being serious! What happened with that battle last weekend? I never got the details out of you.”

Tony shrugs. “Nothing to talk about, really. A lot of magic bullshit and I’m seriously getting tired of dealing with magic bullshit. Uneventful other than that.”

“Only you would call “magic bullshit” uneventful,” Pepper says, shaking her head.

“Me and the five crazy teammates I have,” Tony says. “Six now that Wilson is onboard. _Seven_ if you count Rhodey-”

“Please do not count Jim, I do not need to be reminded that two of my partners routinely risk their lives in metal suits of armor,” Pepper says dryly.

Pepper’s use of _two_ instead of _both_ catches Tony off-guard for a second and he blurts out, “Your new thing!”

“My new thing?” Pepper echoes, raising an eyebrow.

“The person you’re seeing, the one who started all of this,” Tony explains. “You haven’t told me about him… her?”

“Neither, technically,” Pepper corrects. “Although they do go by she/her in public.”

“Tell me about them, then,” Tony prompts and although he has to force the smile a little he truly does want to hear about them.

And Pepper smiles back, soft and a little nervous but with so much affection that Tony almost wants to run from it. He doesn’t, though, instead sitting back down on the couch and waiting for Pepper to talk.

“Their name is Holly,” she says. “Holly Graves. You actually know them.”

Tony blinks at that. “I do?” The name doesn’t ring any bells, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. It’s not that Tony is bad with names per se, it’s just that it’s easier to remember them with contextual clues- met at a gala, did an interview with, that sort of thing.

There’s a faint flush spreading across Pepper’s cheeks, but although she’s clearly a little embarrassed there’s a mischievous glint in her eyes as well. “They’re Lipscomb’s assistant. Soon to be former-assistant, that is.”

Tony definitely knows _that_ name, but it still takes him a minute to actually place it. "Wait, Lipscomb as in Miles Lipscomb? As in the CEO of LC Tech, our lovely new acquisition that you're signing the paperwork for in just a few weeks?" There's a wide, shit-eating grin spreading across Tony's face because this is just delightful news. "You're telling me that Holly Graves is the assistant to _that_ Lipscomb?"

"Do you know anyone else with such a ridiculous last name?" Pepper asks, with a wide grin of her own. "Actually, no, don't answer that, you probably do."

"I definitely do," Tony says cheerfully because, honestly, with the worst of the conversation out of the way and this lovely bit of knowledge out in the open he has a lot to be cheerful about at the moment. "But that's far less important than the fact that you're not only stealing his company but his own personal assistant."

Pepper rolls her eyes, though her smile doesn't fade. "I'm hardly stealing them, Tony. If you must know they, well, they approached me first."

Some of Tony’s petty glee fades when Pepper says that. He tries to hide it because Pepper is _so happy_ about this, and even with Tony’s own romance repulsion making his stomach do flip-flops he’s happy for her. But despite his best efforts something must show on his face because Pepper asks, "Tony? Is something wrong?"

“No,” he says immediately, instinctively, but he doesn’t want to keep lying to Pepper- certainly not about this, not after they’ve finally cleared the air. He sighs and makes a face, but says, “I mean… I don’t want you to worry about nothing, but…”

“What is it, Tony?” Pepper prompts, saving Tony from his continued floundering.

Tony takes a deep breath and asks, “Are you sure this isn’t just an attempt at corporate espionage?”

He hates having to ask it and feels sick to his stomach as soon as he does. He hates having to look Pepper in the face and question her new relationship, especially after the conversation they just had. He feels like the worst sort of sabotaging scumbag… but someone has to say something. Someone has to speak up because Tony has been burned too many times before. He knows from painful, personal experience what it’s like to let someone in his life, for a night or for a weekend or for a blur of drunken days that he barely remembers later, only to have them stab him in the back.

He’s happy for Pepper, he’s so happy for her. And even though he loathes himself for asking that question, he would still rather ruin her happiness now than have her be hurt both personally and professionally later.

Pepper looks thoughtful, rather than angry, which Tony hopes is a good sign. “I trust Holly,” she says at last. “I know that you only found out about this recently... from JARVIS, I’m assuming?”

Tony nods. “I swear I wasn’t overriding the security protocols, I just-”

“Tony, if you were overriding the security protocols you would’ve known who Holly was immediately and we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” Pepper says, sounding a little amused. “I’m asking you to trust me when I say that Holly isn’t a saboteur. This thing with Holly is… well, the potential romantic aspect is new but I’ve known them for a while. We’ve been, well, friends, I suppose, for a while now.” Pepper huffs, a quiet little laugh, and says, “Holly is my mysterious spa buddy that you’ve never bothered to learn the name of.”

“ _That’s_ who you’ve been going to the spa with on weekends?” Tony asks, incredulous. “How did that even start?”

Pepper shrugs. “Lipscomb was being an asshole to them. I offered them a guest pass to my spa. Things sort of just… snowballed from there, I suppose. They’ve given me a lot of information about LC Tech, information that’s been proven right the closer we get to sealing the deal on this acquisition. And you know what an absolute dick Lipscomb is to his staff, I believe Holly when they say that they have no loyalty left for LC Tech.”

“Yeah, I can believe that too,” Tony says, and he’s a little surprised that to find that he really means it. More than that, though, he trusts Pepper- certainly more than he trusts himself. He trusts Pepper to know what’s best for Stark Industries, and more importantly he trusts her to know what’s best for herself.

So he’ll believe her when she says that Holly doesn’t have any ulterior motives. And he’ll believe that a new relationship for her doesn’t have to mean an end to what they already have.

But a thought occurs to him suddenly and he asks, “Wait. What do you mean _potential romantic aspect_ to your relationship with Holly?”

“Things are still new, Tony,” Pepper tells him. “There’s attraction and we care about each other, and we definitely want to give a relationship a try, but I don’t know that either of us would call it _love_ just yet.”

“But you want…?” Tony’s skin feels like it’s crawling at the implications of that, at the possibility of dealing with PDA or Pepper wanting to talk about her feelings or-

Pepper shrugs. “I don’t know. You know I haven’t dated anyone since you, Jim, and I started our relationship. I don’t want to rush into anything, and I don’t know what I necessarily want out of this. But Holly makes me happy, so when they asked if I was interested in going on a date…” Pepper bites her bottom lip, smiling a little, and even though Tony is viscerally uncomfortable with this conversation he doesn’t interrupt her. “I’m interested in them. I’d like to keep dating them. If that’s alright with you, that is.”

“Alright with me?” Tony echoes. 

“I know we always said that other relationships were okay, but I don’t want to assume…” Pepper bites her lower lip. “If you’re not alright with this, especially given everything that’s happened, I’ll understand.”

“What? No, Pepper, it’s fine,” Tony says. “It’s- look, it’s your life, right? I appreciate the consideration but if this makes you happy I’m not going to stop you.” 

“Okay then. Thank you,” Pepper says, and the smile she gives him is warm and bright.

Tony just nods, because he doesn’t know what else to say. This conversation is so far from his comfort zone that he doesn’t even think his comfort zone exists anymore. This is worse than the worst of his romance repulsion before he came out to the rest of the Avengers, back when every conversation with them made him want to claw his own skin off. And Tony doesn't know what to do with that feeling, because this is Pepper and he hasn't felt this bad around her- _because of her_ \- since that accidental "I love you" five years ago. And, worse, he knows this conversation isn’t over yet.

“I told Holly I was already in a relationship,” Pepper says suddenly, and Tony feels a surprising jolt of fear at the words. But Pepper looks him dead in the eyes, so there’s no hiding her seriousness or her honesty, and explains, “I didn’t name you, or Jim. Although given how public most of our lives are I wouldn’t be surprised if they figured it out. But if they did, they haven’t said anything to me.”

"What did you tell them?" Tony asks, forcing his voice to stay calm and level.

"That I was in an intimate, sexual relationship with two men," Pepper says. "I... I described it as a queerplatonic relationship, I know we haven't labeled it like that before, but it was the easiest way to describe it-"

"That's fine," Tony cuts. "That's- really, do you want to...? I mean, if you want to call it that we can, I don't mind..."

"I didn't know, because I know you cringe at saying that we're “dating” so I didn't want to assume..." Pepper chuckles nervously. "Sorry. Can we maybe shelve that discussion for a later time? We've talked about a lot already, and I just think..."

"Later is good," Tony says, grateful to avoid adding another bullet point to their already overflowing conversational agenda. "You were saying, you told Holly...?"

“Right. I told them I was already in a relationship with two men and… Well, there was some confusion,” Pepper says, bringing the conversation back around to the initial topic. “I had to explain things, and during that explanation it came up that one of my partners was aromantic.”

Tony's heart is pounding in his chest, and one hand comes up to tap against the front of the arc reactor. The thought of someone new, someone he doesn't know, learning that he's aromantic terrifies him. God, the press would have a field day with that if it got out. The Merchant of Death, incapable of loving anyone… he can just about see the "sociopath" headlines now…

“What- what did they-?” He clears his throat and manages to force out, “What did they say?”

Pepper grimaces. “It didn’t go well.”

Of course it didn’t. Tony isn’t surprised by this, but that doesn’t make it sting any less. “Oh.”

“We fought about it,” Pepper says and _that_ does surprise Tony. Some of that surprise must show on Tony’s face because Pepper sighs and says, “Tony, I’m not going to date a bigot. I’m especially not going to date someone who doesn’t think that my partner’s identity is a real thing. If it had come down to it I would have chosen my relationship with you and Jim and walked away. And that’s more or less what happened, actually.”

“Oh,” Tony repeats, a little quieter. Pepper’s support doesn’t shock him, but he’s touched by how strongly she feels about it.

Then the rest of what Pepper says catches up to him and he asks, “Wait, _what_?”

“We were at Holly’s place when we had that argument and I left,” Pepper tells him. “Holly called me a few days later to apologize and to admit they had been wrong. They came over to talk about things- actually, that might have been the night you found out they were here. The Thursday before last?”

Tony calculated the dates and nodded. “Yeah. That would’ve been it.”

“Thought so,” Pepper says. “Holly was here and we talked about things. They admitted that they didn’t understand, but they wanted to learn more. And that went- that went well. They spent the night because we were up so late talking, not because-”

“I know,” Tony interrupts. He had never seriously entertained the idea that Pepper would cheat on him. “I never assumed that you slept with them- though the confirmation that I was right is nice.”

“Oh thank god,” Pepper says and Tony can see her shoulders drop as the tension she was carrying drains away. “Because I know how this looks and I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had, but then you didn’t say anything and-”

“Pep, Pepper, it’s okay,” Tony says, laughing. He reaches out and grabs her hand, squeezing it gently. “It’s fine. Keep talking about Holly, I want to know the rest. I’m assuming you were with them the next night too?”

Pepper nods. “My conference call ended early and JARVIS said you had left on Avengers business, and Holly had called asking if I wanted to go over so I did.”

Tony sighs and closes his eyes. “I only took on the Avengers stuff because you cancelled our Friday night for that call. I didn’t start worrying- over-thinking, really- until I got back and you were gone,” he admits tiredly. This whole situation is the worst sort of comedy of errors, except neither of them are laughing.

“God,” Pepper breathes. Tony can feel her hand trembling in his. “Tony, I’m- I’m so sorry. I should have rescheduled the conference call, and I definitely should have talked to you about this immediately instead of waiting-”

“It was a reasonable thing to do,” Tony interrupts. “It’s not like you knew that I found out.”

Pepper shakes her head. “I should have told you,” she repeats. “I promised, back in the beginning. I promised I would tell you, and I should have said something before now. When I knew that something was up with you I should have tried harder to figure out what was bothering you, I should have tried harder to talk to you instead of jumping to conclusions, I should have-”

“We both jumped to conclusions,” Tony cuts in. “We’re both in the wrong here. Talking about what we _should have_ done is pointless. It didn’t happen, we both fucked up, let’s just… let’s just move on. Please.”

“Agreed,” Pepper says, but her voice is still a little shaky. She takes a deep breath, exhales slowly, and with a slightly stronger voice asks, “Does Jim know any of this?”

“No. Not unless he found out on his own,” Tony says. “I didn’t tell him anything. It didn’t seem right to put him between our fights, and…” He sighs. “And I didn’t want to make him paranoid about you breaking up with him too, just because I was being stupid and worrying my head off.”

“You weren’t being stupid,” Pepper says. Tony gives her a disbelieving look. “Alright, maybe a little,” she relents, “but given the circumstances it’s completely excusable.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so,” Pepper says, feigning haughtiness.

Tony laughs and, before he can overthink this too, moves closer to Pepper on the couch. She picks up on the cue instantly, moving closer as well so they’re sitting side by side, legs pressed together and still holding hands. Part of Tony is pretty sure he’s going to want to move away after about five minutes; a larger part of him is relieved beyond words that he can still have this at all.

“So, yeah, I don’t think Rhodey knows anything,” Tony tells her. “Actually Steve almost definitely knows more than him by this point, which is just sad when you think about it.”

Pepper blinks. “I actually have no idea what to say to that,” she says at last. “Why were you talking to- No, you know what, it doesn’t matter. The more important question is, who’s going to fill in Jim about this mess?” Tony makes a face and Pepper immediately groans. “Oh no, do not try to pin this on me…”

“It makes the most sense if it’s you,” Tony points out. “Your new girlfriend-”

“Partner- and not even that until Jim-”

“Approves, yeah, yeah, he’s gonna and then Holly will be your new _partner_ ,” Tony says. “So you should do the filling-in because that’s going to be what most of the conversation is about. I can’t explain why I was such an ass this past week without telling him that, and he needs to hear that from you.” Rhodey doesn’t deserve to find out secondhand, like Tony did, not now that they can actively prevent that from happening.

“No, you’re right,” Pepper agrees with a sigh. “Fine. I’ll call him first thing tomorrow.”

“Perfect,” Tony says, and for the first time in a while he thinks things are going to be okay.

 

**Then - June 2010**

Tony had mentioned in passing the night before that Rhodey was going to be stopping by “in the next few days, you know, so the three of us can talk about things like the responsible adults we all pretend to be.” Pepper, deciphering the Tony-speak, had assumed that this meant “Rhodey may or may not be stopping by sometime soon, I didn’t give him all the information but he usually shows up sooner or later anyway.”

Pepper, however, had failed to take into account that Tony wasn’t the only variable in this scenario, and she is completely caught off-guard when she comes downstairs one morning to find James Rhodes standing in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee and cooking what smells like French toast. 

“Good morning,” he says cheerfully. “Coffee?”

“Um,” Pepper replies, all of her usual eloquence lost. She’s wearing one of Tony’s t-shirts and the pair of shorts she had on the night before, and even though she would consider herself to be friends with Jim even before she fell into bed with Tony she has never in her life wanted so badly to sink through the floor and disappear. 

Jim chuckles and reaches for the coffee pot. “Sorry. I thought Tony warned you I’d be stopping by.”

“Oh, he did. In that very nonchalant and unspecific Tony Stark way,” Pepper says dryly. 

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Jim agrees, shaking his head. He passes a mug of coffee over to Pepper and says, “Here, you look like you could use this.”

“Thank you,” she says gratefully, taking it from him. “I’m sorry about my clothes, I honestly didn’t expect you to be here this morning…”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re fine,” Jim assures her. “Don’t feel like you have to get dressed up just for me.” He smiles wryly at her and adds, “Given our mutual relationships with Tony, I highly doubt this will be the last time we see each other in less-than-perfect states.”

Pepper knows that he’s right but she still blushes at his words. There’s something innately embarrassing about discussing her new relationship with Tony with someone he was already in a relationship with, in her opinion at least. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

Jim turns back to the stove and flips the French toast he had been cooking. “I want to talk to you about that, actually,” he says. “Tony. And our relationships with him.”

Pepper’s heart clenches in fear but Jim just glances back at her and chuckles. “Sorry, it’s nothing too serious. I’m not going to swoop in here with a list of objections to you sleeping with Tony, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I don’t know what I’m worried about,” Pepper admits, taking a sip of her coffee. “This is just awkward, isn’t it? You’ve been with Tony for years, and I-”

“I’ve hardly been with Tony for years,” Jim cuts in. “We’ve been sleeping together for years, but I wouldn’t call what we had a relationship. Not until after Afghanistan, maybe. And we certainly weren’t handling things in a healthy way until you came along.”

Pepper blinks in surprise. “Wait, me? What?”

“Well, you were the one who told Tony about aromantic identities, right?” Jim points out. “That was a pretty big thing, actually, that was…”

Jim falls silent and doesn’t show any signs of finishing that particular train of thought. After a moment, Pepper prompts, “Colonel Rhodes?”

Jim smiles at her and says, “You can call me Rhodey, you know. Or Jim, if you’re more comfortable with that.”

“Jim then,” Pepper says with a smile of her own. _Rhodey_ is Tony’s nickname for his friend. Pepper hasn’t ever even heard anyone else call him Rhodey, and even if he extends the offer to her she’s not quite willing to cross that line. Not yet, at least. “You were saying, about your relationship with Tony after the aromantic revelation…?”

“Is that what we’re calling it then?” Jim chuckles. “I suppose it’s accurate enough. As for my relationship with Tony…” He sighs. “It’s not exactly easy to explain. Or, I guess, it’s not exactly _pleasant_ to explain.”

“How so?”

“Like I said, it wasn’t healthy. It was… well, we’d sleep together when it suited us. When we were both in town, and one of us was lonely… when Tony didn’t have some other companion, when I was bored and wanted to spend time with him… It was fun, don’t get me wrong, but it… _I_ wasn’t handling things in a good way.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t just you,” Pepper says, even though she still isn’t quite clear on what’s being discussed.

Jim shrugs and takes the slice of French toast out of the pan. “I guess.” He dunks another piece of bread into the batter and gently drops it in the skillet. “The thing is, Tony was… well, Tony was Tony. He’d sleep around, go on his benders… and two weeks later, he’d be texting me asking if I wanted to drop by for some “fun”. Which was fine, that was our arrangement, but I caught on pretty quickly that Tony wanted to be close to someone rather than just sleeping with them. I’m his best friend, I fit that bill, and most of the time I didn’t mind.”

“Most of the time?”

Jim checks the underside of the French toast and presses it back down against the skillet. “I resented him for it, sometimes. There were a number of occasions where I told him that I was done, that if he wanted someone to sleep with and be emotionally intimate with he could find himself a romantic partner.” Jim chuckles, dark and humorless, and adds, “But eventually he’d get drunk and call me, and I’d go over to take care of his sorry ass anyway.”

“Tony’s hard to quit, isn’t he?” Pepper jokes with a small laugh. It’s not actually funny, but it’s accurate at the very least, the mantra of everyone who sticks around even when Tony’s behavior makes them want to run far, far away. Thank god those days are mostly in the past now.

“Yeah, he is, isn’t he?” Jim agrees. He glances at Pepper out of the corner of his eye and adds, “And he’s even harder to quit when you’re in love with him.”

Pepper freezes, her blood immediately running cold, and she knows that her face must be paper-white with shock but she still forces a laugh and lies, “What? Is this a joke, because of my slip-of-the-tongue a while back?”

Jim smiles at her, a little pitying but mostly just full of an understanding that leaves Pepper confused. “Do you really think you’re the first person to fall in love with Tony Stark and try to hide it from him?” he asks, and all of the pieces suddenly fall into place.

“Oh,” Pepper says, quietly. “You too?”

“Yeah, me too,” Jim confirms with a nod. “Realized it not long after I slept with him for the first time, and spent the next few years lying about it to myself before I finally accepted that I loved Tony. Made it really fucking hard to watch him sleep around so I’d get pissed about it, tell Tony I was done… and come running back anyway. Because before anything else Tony’s my friend. I was there when his parents died and Stane turned his back on Tony until he was old enough to run the company. I was there when Tony had no one else, and I swore I was never going to leave him alone like that again.

“I don’t love him. Now, I mean,” Jim adds nonchalantly, as if this was any normal conversation instead of a discussion that was turning Pepper’s world upside down. “I stopped loving him romantically even while I was still sleeping with him. I just accepted that, for whatever reason, Tony would never return those feelings. I was bitter, for a while- for a long while, actually- but…” Jim shakes his head and flips the piece of French toast. “Well. It’s hard to stay bitter about shit like that after Afghanistan, you know?”

Pepper does know. Privately- because she will never say _any_ of this aloud to Tony- she’s started separating the events of Tony’s life into _pre-Afghanistan_ and _post-Afghanistan_ , because the man who walked out of that cave is not the same man who was dragged in. Tony’s issues are laid bare, to those who know how to look for them, and so many of his actions prior to his captivity are now heartbreaking rather than simply infuriating.

Tony still gets on every last one of Pepper’s nerves, and there’s plenty that can’t be explained away by those three months held captive in the desert… but there’s also a lot more that Pepper _can_ explain now, and it’s given her a patience with Tony that she didn’t think it was possible to have.

“Anyway, then you came along, talking about aromantic identities, and it just makes sense, you know?” Jim continues. “And it made me realize that it’s not fair to take my emotions out on Tony, when he can’t control not being romantically attracted to anyone in the first place. So things are better there between us, thanks to you.”

“I… I don’t know what to say,” Pepper admits, at a loss for words. “I just… Well, I found out about aromantic identities on accident. I didn’t think… I didn’t even know for sure…”

“But you still told him, and from what I’ve heard handled the conversation with your usual grace and tact,” Jim points out. “Despite loving him and knowing that this would, more than likely, mean that he’ll never return your feelings.”

Pepper sighs. “You keep saying that. That I loved him, I mean. How are you so sure you aren’t just projecting here?”

“I’m not,” Jim admits. “But Tony called me after that fight you two had, when you accidentally told him that you loved him. He told me what you said then, and those sorts of things don’t just slip out without any emotion behind them.”

Pepper considers just continuing to lie, to deflect, to protest until Rhodes lets the issue go and she can keep her secrets to herself. But this relationship, whatever it’s going to end up being, can’t work if she keeps burying herself in lies.

So Pepper sighs, visibly deflating, and says, “I feel so stupid. I always told myself I’d never fall for Tony and I didn’t realize I had until it slipped out during that fight.”

“And how do you feel now?” Jim asks. He puts the last slice of French toast on the plate with the others and moves the skillet off the heat. “Do you still love Tony?”

“I don’t know,” she admits. “Tony’s made it very clear that he’s not interested in romance, that he _hates_ romance. Who am I to insist on loving him when that’s the last thing he’d want?”

“I think that’s it’s a lot easier to tell yourself that you don’t love someone,” Jim says, “and a lot harder to actually stop loving them.”

Pepper takes a moment to think about that, turning it over in her mind, before replying. "I think," she says slowly, "that there's a difference between loving someone, and loving them romantically. I love Tony, but I don't want to do romantic things with him. I like our intimacy precisely because it’s not romantic. But I still love him, and that's something I don't think will ever go away. And I'm okay with that, because I don't want to stop loving him. I've known him for... god, how long now?" She shakes her head. "He's too much a part of my life for me to stop loving him. He might as well be family, at this point."

"I think," Jim says with a slow, wide grin, "that you're the smartest person I've ever met, Pepper Potts. That's what it is, isn't it? It's still love, just a little different than we initially thought it would be."

Pepper takes a sip of her coffee and nods. "Different, but not worse or lesser." She pauses, debates the merits of continuing this train of thought or not, and decides that if anyone is going to understand what she means it's going to be Colonel James Rhodes. "Honestly sometimes it just feels... lucky, you know? All of this, all of... everything. It's just incredibly lucky."

And she means everything. Tony surviving Afghanistan, surviving Stane, surviving the palladium and the missions and every battle he saw in the Iron Man armor. The company staying afloat, Pepper becoming CEO, Stark Industries somehow still moving forward even after the disastrous Expo... And now this? Tony loving Pepper, loving Rhodey, loving both of them even if it's not romantic- Tony still opens up to them, still lets them in, still cares about them. Pepper knows that with every fiber of her being, even if Tony will never say as much aloud. 

"I know what you mean," Jim agrees, and Pepper doesn't have an ounce of doubt that he does understand. "It feels impossible, to be in this position... but here we are."

"Here we are," Pepper echoes, and she’s surprised to find that sometime during this conversation she’s lost the tension she had been carrying in her frame. Rather than her earlier embarrassment it now seems fitting, in that moment, to be standing in Tony's kitchen wearing one of his shirts and a pair of ratty shorts, talking to Jim while he makes enough French toast to feed all three of them. If Tony is her family, she thinks maybe this moment might feel exactly like home to her.

“One more question,” Jim says. “Has Tony talked to you about how he wants this to work with the three of us?”

Pepper shakes her head. "No, he hasn't. I've been thinking about it, obviously, but..." She shrugs. “You know Tony. Not always the greatest at talking.”

“That’s for sure. He hasn’t said anything to me either.” Jim glances at Pepper. “What were your thoughts then?”

“What were yours?” Pepper challenges. She doesn’t want to be the first to start throwing out ideas, not without knowing where Jim or Tony stand.

"I'm thinking that Tony hasn't said anything because he's afraid we're immediately going to shoot down what he says," Jim says without hesitation. 

Pepper sucks in slow a breath and asks, "You think he wants the three of us...?" It's a thought that Pepper has had herself, but not one that she has an actual opinion on yet.

"It's like you said: he's family. And we're about all he has left, at this point," Jim says. "I think he just wants the two of us to be as close to each other as we are to him. I think he wants this to be as equal as possible in every way."

There's something slightly off about Jim's tone, though, about the way he's studiously cooking another slice of French toast and not looking at Pepper, that makes her smirk and ask, "And is Tony the only one who thinks this?"

Jim snorts. "You really are the smartest person I've ever met. No wonder you've been able to wrangle Tony for so long."

"It is a rather unique skill set," she says wryly, making Jim laugh. "So. You want that too? A triad, I mean, not two pairs?"

"I don't know," Jim admits, just barely glancing at Pepper out of the corner of his eye. "I have this stupid fear that maybe the only way this is going to work is if the three of us are all together, instead of each of us with Tony alone. But we don't really know each other outside our mutual interactions with Tony, do we?" He shakes his head. "Trying to force this seems like an equally disastrous idea."

Pepper realizes suddenly that she has no idea what this has been like for Jim. So far, Tony has been the only one talking to him and giving him updates on this situation. She’s always known that Tony tells Jim everything, and has been continuing to tell him everything about the situation between Tony and herself. Tony and Jim the closest people in each other’s lives, after all, and Pepper feels no jealousy about that. Still, Pepper has to wonder what it’s like for him, being away from Tony and getting updates only when they had time to call. If Pepper sometimes felt like things were happening too quickly for her to follow, how did Jim feel when he was halfway across the world from them?

Maybe Tony hadn't talked about his ideal relationship with them. But maybe they could _all_ stand to be a little bit more open in their communications with each other.

"Well, I certainly don't want to force anything," Pepper says at last. "Can we get to know each other a little better first- without Tony around to influence things- and go from there?"

Jim looks up quickly, so startled that he nearly tips over the frying pan and the last slice of French toast. "What?" he asks, voice hoarse and eyes wide with surprise. 

Pepper can't hold back a chuckle. It's her one weakness: laughing when she probably shouldn't. "We don't have to make any concrete decisions now, do we?" she points out. "We can each spend time with Tony on our own, and the three of us together, but why can't the two of us spend some time together as well? Whether we decide to try a true triad later or not, at least we'll be making a more informed decision about it, right?" A pause, and then she adds, "Although let's agree not to fall in love with each other, alright? I don't think Tony would handle that very well."

Now it's Jim who laughs, bright and happy, and says, "I agree. No romance for any of us." The last piece of French toast is burnt by this point, but Jim is still smiling even as he dumps it into the garbage can. "And seriously, Pepper. Smartest person I know."

"Don't let Tony hear you say that or he'll have a fit," Pepper teases.

"What am I going to have a fit about now?" Tony asks as he saunters into the kitchen.

Pepper hears Jim let out a choking sort of cough, his eyes going almost comically wide, before she turns around and sees for herself what exactly has warranted that reaction: Tony Stark, standing in the entrance to his kitchen, in that pair of ridiculously tiny red briefs that Pepper swears she’s thrown out a dozen times already. 

“ _Pants_ , Tony! Why aren’t you wearing pants?” Pepper asks in dismay. 

Tony glances down, then looks back up at her and shrugs. “Why do I need to wear pants? You two have seen everything already anyway.”

“Oh my god, Tony,” Jim says, completely giving up on holding back his laughter. But he still steps forward and grabs Tony in a huge bear hug and says, his voice somewhat muffled, “I’ve missed you, man.”

“Missed you too, Rhodeybear,” Tony says. He looks up at Pepper and opens one arm. “C’mon, get in here, Potts. Limited time group hug offer, take advantage before my skin starts crawling and I have to fight you two off.”

Pepper takes in these two idiots standing in front of her- these unbelievable, beautiful idiots that she’s decided to throw her lot in with, both of them now standing there with open arms and waiting for her to join them. If you had asked her, years ago, if she ever thought she would be standing in Tony Stark’s kitchen, him in red bikini briefs and her wearing his clothes, James Rhodes fully dressed and cooking French toast for everyone, she would have laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and never stopped laughing. But she doesn’t want to laugh now, unless it’s out of disbelieving delight. 

This is her life now: Tony, and Jim, and hopefully one day soon it would be Tony-and-Jim instead. Tony-and-Jim, and her career with Stark Industries, the art collection that she’s already started rebuilding, the new apartment in the New York Stark Tower that she’s looking forward to decorating… 

“Come on, Pep, we don’t have all day,” Tony teases and Pepper laughs, and steps forward into the hug. Tony and Jim envelope her in it, and while one of her arms is wrapped tightly around Tony’s waist her other hand finds Jim’s hand and squeezes it tightly.

This is her life now. If you had asked her, years ago, if she ever thought she would end up here the answer would have been an emphatic _no_. But she has never been happier to be wrong about anything.

 

**Now - May 2015 - Tuesday**

Pepper waits until the end of the day to call Jim. It’s not a deliberate attempt at stalling, although it does have that effect. Mostly she isn’t sure she can call him in the morning and still make it through the rest of her day. Tony had left her suite in the early evening, after some time just talking and enjoying each other’s company, and Pepper should be happy that things are back to normal between them but instead she’s still weighed down by their conversation. She knows that what happened over the last week and a half isn’t entirely her fault (and might not even be _mostly_ her fault) but her guilt doesn’t seem to want to go away.

JARVIS confirms that Jim isn’t in the War Machine armor before Pepper calls. She knows the call will go through anyway, but she hates the thought of distracting him while he’s flying even if JARVIS is capable of controlling the armor’s functions himself. Luckily, the call only rings twice before Jim picks up. “Rhodes here,” he says, and although he sounds like he’s in a good mood there’s a note of tiredness in his voice as well. 

They’re all exhausted, all too busy, all overworked. The three of them could use a break, and Pepper files that thought away for serious consideration later. 

“Hi Jim. It’s Pepper,” she says. 

“My favorite redheaded CEO,” Jim teases, and Pepper can’t help but chuckle. “Is this call for business or pleasure?”

Pepper winces. “It’s not about Stark Industries business, although I’m not sure if I’d call it pleasure.”

“Tony again?” Jim guesses, although his sigh sounds exhausted and Pepper’s guilt only gets worse. She shouldn’t have gotten him to call Tony last week. She knows he hates being in the middle of their fights. “I told you, he spoke to me but didn’t tell me anything about what was bugging him, and if I call again he’s still not gonna tell me anything.”

“I don’t need you to call him. I actually talked to him yesterday. He came to find me and we… well, we talked,” Pepper tells him.

“Why don’t you sound happy about this, then?” Jim asks, his suspicion clear in his voice. 

“Because it’s my fault that Tony was avoiding me, and now that I have to fill you in on the details I’m afraid of how you’re going to react,” Pepper admits. She had spent her entire day trying to come up with some way to ease the conversation around to Holly with nothing to show for it except anxiety and nerves, and now that she’s finally talking to Jim Pepper knows that she’s going to be a wreck.

“Woah, okay, back up a second. Why is this your fault and why do you have to fill me in? If this is between you and Tony…”

“It’s not just between me and Tony, not really,” Pepper interrupts. “It involves you too, or it will- at least if you’re okay with it, if not then none of this matters anyway but I still have to tell you-”

“Easy, Pepper, take a breath,” Jim says gently, and Pepper manages to suck in a ragged gasp. She hadn’t even realized she wasn’t breathing in the middle of that verbal barrage. “Start at the beginning, one thing at a time. What’s going on?”

“Tony found out that I’m seeing someone else,” Pepper says, and then immediately realizes how that sounds and continues, “No, not like that- I didn’t mean- There’s someone and they asked me out and I said yes and we’re both interested in- but we haven’t- Jim I _swear_ I haven’t ch-”

“Pepper! Pepper, it’s okay, calm down!” Jim cuts in. “Is it okay if I vidcall you?”

Pepper nods, realizes that Jim can’t see that yet, and says, “Yes.” It comes out sounding embarrassingly like a sob and she knows her eyes are full of tears. The last thing she wants is Jim seeing her like this but she needs to see him, needs to see his reactions to what she says. 

“ _Shit_ , okay, okay I’m calling now, just give me one second…” Jim says, and he doesn’t hang up until the vidcall goes through and JARVIS throws it up on a screen. Pepper can finally see him, looking worried but smiling gently at her, phone still held up to his ear. 

“Hi, Pepper,” he says, finally hanging up his cell. “Are you okay?”

Pepper sniffs, and wipes at one eye. “I’m alright,” she says, and hopes she doesn’t sound as miserable as she feels. “I’m so sorry, Jim. I’ve made a mess of this explanation, haven’t I?”

“You’re doing fine,” Jim assures her. Pepper appreciates the lie. “So someone asked you out and you said yes?” Pepper nods. To her surprise, Jim grins widely at her and says, “Pepper, that’s great! What’s their name?”

“You aren’t mad?” Pepper asks. Her voice is small and she hates how timid she sounds, but she still feels wrecked after her conversation with Tony yesterday. She still remembers how he told her that he wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to date someone else, and she feels like throwing up. She had hoped, desperately, fervently hoped, that Jim would understand, wouldn’t hold the last week against her, but she hadn’t been confident about that.

“If they make you happy and everything is on the up and up and everyone is in the… know…” Jim’s voice trails off and Pepper winces. It’s obviously he’s finally remembered how this conversation started. “Oh, fuck. _Tony_.”

“Yeah. Tony.”

“How did he even find out?” Jim asks. 

“Holly- that’s their name, Holly- was at the Tower. I guess Tony tried to call me and JARVIS told him I had company.” Pepper sighs. “After that, we just had a lot of bad timing on things and, long story short, Tony figured out that my “guest” was a romantic prospect and… and he thought I was going to break up with him.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” Jim breathes. “No wonder he wasn’t talking to you.”

Pepper nods. “This past Friday, he flew to Malibu to deal with an R&D situation- which is completely true, god help me but I checked in with Malibu over the weekend to confirm it. But when he missed our appointment without notice and he wasn’t in the Tower, I called him. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. So you can imagine the _absolute wreck_ he was when we talked yesterday, all thanks to me-”

“Woah, hey now, this is hardly your fault,” Jim says. “You didn’t know that Tony knew, and I’m assuming you were planning on telling us about Holly at some point to begin with…”

“Next week,” Pepper says, “when you were going to back in town. I was going to talk to you both at once.”

“Then this isn’t your fault,” Jim says firmly, “and it’s not Tony’s fault either. If anything use this as evidence that we need to up our communication game and then move on. You’re going to kill yourself carrying that guilt around, Potts. You and him both.”

“Why are you so understanding?” Pepper asks. “I’ve kept this from both of you for almost two weeks now. I should have told you when Holly first asked me out. I should’ve said something when I thought they were aphobic and everything was over. I should’ve told Tony about them two Friday’s ago, instead of going to their place just because Tony was on an Avengers mission. I should have-”

“And Tony should have talked to you about this when he first found out,” Jim interrupts, “instead of padding his schedule and avoiding you for a week. Maybe you and Tony want to keep emotionally duking it out over who _should_ have been able to prevent this but,” he shrugs, “that doesn’t seem like a great use of either of your time, in my opinion.”

“I gave him an _identity crisis_ , Jim!” Pepper says. It’s not a wail. It’s not, no matter how emotional she still is. “He thought he was in love with me, _romantically in love with me_!”

“Oh,” Jim says softly. “That would explain his questions about…”

“Yes. And thank you _so_ much for confirming his suspicions that I actually did love him!” Pepper snaps.

“Well what was I supposed to do when he told me that he already knew?” Jim gives her a lopsided grin. “Neither of us really thought we had fooled him anyway.”

“I had hoped,” Pepper admits with a sigh. “Damnit. How can I want to start a relationship with someone new when I’m doing such a shitty job talking to you and Tony already?”

“Two instances years apart where you didn’t say anything hardly count as you doing a shitty job,” Jim tells her. “And don’t you dare start trying to think of more, I will not have you sabotaging yourself this way.”

Pepper lets out a giggle- a little watery, but completely genuine. “I am sorry, though, Jim. For putting you in the middle of this mess between me and Tony, and for not telling you about Holly sooner.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, but I appreciate the sentiment,” Jim assures her. “Do you want to keep talking about Holly? You don’t have to, but I’d like to hear about… them?”

“Them,” Pepper confirms. She smiles, just a little, and wipes at her teary eyes again. “They’re wonderful. Absolutely wonderful. I thought- There were a few days, when we fought about a-spec identities, when I thought that everything was going to go so, so badly. But we talked, about that and everything and- and I think this could be really good. Really, _really_ good.”

“I’m happy for you,” Jim says, and his smile looks absolutely sincere and Pepper has to blink to stop her eyes from watering up again. “How did you two meet?”

“They’re Lipscomb’s former assistant, actually,” Pepper says, her smile getting just a little bit more wicked, because for all that she had chastised Tony for his _stealing Lipscomb’s assistant_ line she can’t deny that the situation is a little funny. 

Jim laughs, and laughs, and then demands to hear the full story. So Pepper tells it to him, everything, more than the summary she even managed to give to Tony yesterday. There had just been no time the day before and, besides, Pepper isn’t entirely sure where the new boundaries need to be. She has no idea what is considered “oversharing” in this situation, whether Jim and Tony will even have the same boundaries, whether Holly will have the same boundaries as either of them. 

“We can talk about something else, I don’t want to monopolize the conversation,” Pepper says apologetically, once she’s told Jim everything there is to know about her interactions with Holly to date. “How have you been doing recently?”

“The same as when we last talked a few days ago,” Jim says, a little teasing. “Seriously, your life is way more interesting than mine is at the moment. You are planning on letting us meet Holly, right? Because after hearing all of that I feel like I have to meet them.”

Pepper knows that Tony, Jim, and Holly all have to meet. There’s no way that this will work, otherwise. But the idea _terrifies_ her on some deep, visceral level that she can’t quite articulate. “Yes,” she says, because that’s the truth at least. “I don’t know when, or how- I need to talk to Holly, we’ll need to find a time, and a place…”

“The Tower would be the easiest,” Jim says thoughtfully. “And not to rush you, but probably when I’m back in New York next week would make the most sense.”

“I know,” Pepper sighs. “I know, _I know_ , it’s just…”

It’s just a lot to deal with. Pepper’s original plan, before the last week happened, had been to tell Tony and Rhodey next week and arrange for them to meet Holly, if things went well. But after being so angry at Tony for nearly a week, the whiplash of this guilt makes it impossible to think of arranging anything like that.

“You’ll only kick yourself if it doesn’t happen,” Jim says, gently but as rational as ever. 

“And it would be unspeakably rude to you,” Pepper points out.

Jim grins. “That too.”

“I’ll come up with something,” Pepper promises him. “I’ll talk to Holly tomorrow. We’ll work something out.”

“Talk to Tony too,” Jim tells her. “Knowing him he’s come up with half a dozen ideas already.” And it went without saying that none of them wanted a repeat of the last week where Tony and Pepper hadn’t spoken a word, so Pepper doesn’t hesitate to promise that as well. 

“Man, I wish I was in New York now,” Jim says, sounding a little forlorn. 

“Me too,” Pepper says. She doesn’t know how Jim can stand to be away for so long. She knows that he loves his work with the Air Force, and would never dream of asking him to give that up, but Pepper knows how much she misses him when he’s gone. She can’t imagine what it’s like for him to be away from both her and Tony for months at a time. “One more week, though. Less than that now, actually.”

“I know, but that’s still too damn long.” Jim makes a face. “I should go. Before I just get more maudlin and make myself feel worse.”

“I’ll send you updates on the plans to meet Holly,” Pepper tells him. She’s determined to keep the lines of communication open between them all, going forward. “And expect a phone call from Tony to talk about this too. We agreed that I would be the one to break the news, but I can’t imagine that he doesn’t want to talk to you himself.”

“Well tell him not to call me tonight, I need to sleep before I have that conversation.”

“Tell him yourself,” Pepper laughs.

“Oh hell no. Hey, JARVIS!” Jim shouts, loud enough to be picked up by the AI through the vidcall. 

“Yes, Colonel Rhodes?” JARVIS says as Pepper dissolves into a fit of laughter. 

“Tell Tony that under no circumstances is he to contact me before a reasonable hour tomorrow,” Jim yells. “A reasonable hour by my standards, not his, I know he thinks 5am is “reasonable” but that’s only because the damned bastard refuses to sleep-”

“I think JARVIS has it under control,” Pepper cuts in, still giggling. “Leave him alone, the poor thing.”

“It is quite alright, Ms. Potts,” JARVIS says. “And Colonel Rhodes, I have passed along your message to Sir. He seems quite put out, but I am sure he will survive.”

Both Jim and Pepper are still laughing at the AI’s response as they say their goodbyes and end the call, Pepper once again promising to let Jim know the moment arrangements with Holly are made. It’s a reassurance that, perhaps, Jim doesn’t need again- but Pepper feels compelled to give it anyway. When she finally hangs up feeling somewhat better than she had when she called, and she can only hope that their conversation hasn’t ruined Jim’s night in return. 

 

**Now - May 2015 - Wednesday**

"Okay, now try that quick-stop again, I want to check what the left wing- yeah, okay, that's not supposed to happen..."

"I take it the wings aren't quite ready to go?" Steve asks, watching as Sam retracts the wings so they're folded flat against his back and jogs over towards them.

Tony shrugs, quickly jotting down a note before he forgets it. “I mean, they’ll hold up fine in a pinch but I wouldn’t want him catching you when you jump off the Empire State Building again.” At Steve’s questioning look he explains, “The wings will hold his weight without a problem, but carrying someone else or something too heavy is probably not a good idea.”

“How long will it take to fix?” Steve asks.

“Couple of hours, tops,” Tony says. He does some quick calculations in his head and says, “Yeah, two hours maybe, to stabilize the left wing better so you don’t have to worry about it tearing off the support frame. Wilson, what are your thoughts?”

“They seem to handle fine, but it’s hard to judge that accurately in a limited space like this,” Sam says. “I’d really like to take them outside, do some flying in more open areas to get a sense for they’d handle at faster speeds. And I’m not sure about the weight difference with the new support-”

“Once it’s combined with your new tactical suit-”

“I know that,” Sam cuts him off. “But the suit is just adding even more weight. Is there any way you can lighten the new frame for the wings, so the whole ensemble more closely matches the weight I’m used to? I can adjust my flying to account for the difference, given enough time, but I’m telling you now that the more weight you put on my back the less maneuverability I’m going to have, even if the design has the same dimensions as the old one.”

Tony sighs and says, “Look, there’s only so much I can do without completely redoing your wings- which, I’ll remind you, you specifically told me that you didn’t want me to do.”

“There has to be a way to compromise,” Steve says.

“Yeah, the compromise is that in exchange for removing the _highly combustible fuel_ he was carrying around on his back, he gets to deal with a little extra weight.” Tony crosses his arms. “Look, I ran the numbers, it’s not that much extra-”

“It’s enough to make a noticeable difference,” Sam says. “But if you can’t do it…”

“Woah, hold on, who said anything about me not being able to do it?” Tony says. “It’s _possible_ , I just told you it was possible, but you’ve got to let me mess around with the design way more than I currently can. I can design you an entire new set of wings that will be the same weight as, if not lighter than, your old ones- without needing fuel and with way more maneuverability and functions built in. But the tradeoff is that you’re gonna end up having to learn how to handle brand new equipment.”

“Seems like I’m gonna have to do that no matter what,” Sam points out.

“Well, yeah,” Tony says. “Not my fault you were using subpar and outdated tech before, but if you want to play in the big league you’ve got to upgrade. That means either adjusting to a slightly heavier set of wings- don’t give me that look, I know the numbers, it’s not that much of a difference- or you let me mess with the design and give you something new.” Tony shrugs. “Your choice.”

“Hell of a choice to make,” Sam mutters under his breath.

Steve is shaking his head, but there’s a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth and Tony knows that he’s not too annoyed about the situation. That hypothesis is immediately proven correct when Steve says, “You’re not going to win this one, Sam. But I promise that if you agree, you won’t be disappointed by the final product.”

“No, I imagine I wouldn’t be,” Sam says dryly, causing Steve to chuckle. Sam finally sighs and relents. “Alright, new wings it is. Is it even worth it to keep practicing with this model then?”

“Probably not,” Tony says. He probably sounds a bit too cheerful but, oh well. Sam will thank him when he sees his new gear, he’s positive of that. “I’ll give you two or three sets of whatever the finished product ends up being, so you shouldn’t ever have to rely on these as backup.”

“That’s… awfully generous,” Sam says, sounding a little suspicious.

Tony would be hurt by that but, well, he understands the feeling. “One of the perks of being an Avenger,” he says nonchalantly.

Steve laughs. “You mean, one of the perks of having Tony Stark manage your equipment and tech.”

Tony shrugs, grinning. “There are worse things I could be spending my time and money on.”

“Probably better things too,” Steve says.

“Hey now, I’m ahead of the game with my Stark Industries projects!” Tony protests, though he’s still grinning and laughing.

“For once, he actually is,” a new voice chimes in and the trio turns as Pepper walks into the training room. “Hello,” she says cheerfully. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“No, of course not,” Steve says, as gentlemanly as ever, but he’s giving Tony a look that clearly says he’s wondering how things stand with Pepper these days. Tony makes a mental note to fill him in later and to thank him for the advice ( _What sort of elaborate gift would a super soldier appreciate?_ he wonders). “We were just about done here anyway. Ms. Potts, have you met Sam Wilson yet?”

“No, I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.” Pepper steps forward, extending her hand to Sam, who shakes it. “I’m Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries and…” She glances at Tony who can guess where this is going. He shrugs, and finally nods. What the hell, right?” “…one of Tony’s partners,” she finishes. “Which basically means I’m the head Tony-wrangler around here, at least when Colonel Rhodes isn’t present.”

“It’s good to finally meet you, Ms. Potts,” Sam says. “Like Steve said, I’m Sam Wilson, the new recruit.”

“Yes- Falcon, wasn’t it?” Pepper asks.

Sam nods, grinning. “You have a good memory.”

“With an international company to run, I’d better be able to remember details,” Pepper jokes with a laugh. “Has Tony showered you with custom tech yet?”

“We were just discussing that, actually,” Sam says.

“I seem to recall us being done discussing this,” Tony cuts in. “Just give JARVIS a list of everything you want the wings to have- and I do mean everything, don’t leave things off because you think it’s impossible.”

“Alright. When do you think they’ll be ready?” Sam asks. 

Tony glances at Pepper, trying to figure out what she wants to discuss so he can estimate a timeframe for Sam. If he can get started on them this afternoon… He shakes his head and sighs. “It’s going to be a little while,” he admits. “I’m still only halfway through the Quinjet upgrades and Thor fried his comm. Again. Give me a few days to mock up a schematic, then we’ll talk about any changes you want made, and I’ll get you the first version within a week of that. That seem fair?”

“Hey, I don’t mind waiting as long as needed for custom Stark tech,” Sam says. “I’ll get JARVIS that list sometime today, you just let me know when you need something from me after that.”

Tony nods. He’s still grinning, always pleased to have an exciting new project on his hands- especially an Avengers project. “Alright. Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the lovely Ms. Potts and I clearly have something to discuss, so…”

Steve catches his arm before he can leave and Tony waves Pepper on ahead. “Everything is good between the two of you then?” Steve asks in an undertone. 

“Yeah,” he says quietly. “Yeah, it is. We talked and....” He glances over towards Pepper, who’s waiting by the elevator. “...everything is good.” Tony looks back at Steve and smiles at him. “Thanks to you, probably.”

“You would’ve gotten your act together eventually,” Steve says, but Tony isn’t so sure of that. He isn’t sure what would have happened if he hadn’t drunkenly spilled the whole story to Steve- and that’s a possibility that he really doesn’t want to think about.

Tony waves goodbye to Steve and Sam, leaving them to finish up their training, and jogs back over to Pepper. “I didn’t expect you to stop by,” he says as the elevator starts climbing towards the Penthouse. “Not that I mind, I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“I finished up at the office early and wanted to talk to you about a few things,” Pepper explains. “I’m sorry, I should’ve called and made sure you weren’t busy-”

“I wasn’t,” Tony assures her. “We’d been down there for almost an hour, I’d seen everything I needed to see with those wings. I’m just glad Wilson’s given me the green light to make him an entire new set.”

Pepper snorts. “As if anyone would turn down an offer like that. He was right, you’d have to be an idiot not to accept custom Tony Stark technology.” She glances at Tony, a tiny mischievous smirk playing at the corner of her mouth and adds, “Although do try not to overwhelm him, Tony. I think the goal is to keep your new recruit around, not scare him away.”

“Pepper, I’m wounded! How could you think I’d do something like that?” Tony jokes, just barely stopping himself from laughing because… well, it’s a fair warning. “Although now that you mention it, I’m thinking about designing a built-in drone that he could use for reconnaissance and defense… What do you think of the name Redwing? I’d have to come up with a snazzy acronym to justify it, of course, but…”

“Tony!” Pepper interrupts with a laugh. “Maybe start with just the wings themselves, hm?”

“You take the fun out of everything!” Tony complains, but he’s laughing too as the elevator finally stops at the penthouse suite and the two of them walk inside. “Want something to drink?”

“Just water, please,” Pepper says. Tony grabs a bottle for her and, after some consideration, a soda for himself. Ever since his weekend spiral he’s been desperately wanting to drink again, but he’s trying to resist the urge. And, besides, he figures that drinking while things are still a little sore between him and Pepper isn’t the best idea.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Tony asks as he sits down on the couch next to Pepper, kicking his feet up on the ottoman and forcing himself to stay relaxed and calm.

Pepper bites her bottom lip, her fingers nervously playing with the label on the water bottle. “I want to talk to you about the situation with Holly,” she says plainly. “I want to keep you in the loop and get your input on some decisions, but I understand that if this is difficult for you to listen to or if it’ll upset you…”

“It won’t.” That’s not entirely true, but Tony figures that he can handle a little discomfort if the trade-off is that what happened over the last week won’t happen again. “I’ll tell you if I need you to stop, and I can’t guarantee I’ll ever be happy to see PDA from you and Holly, but I hate PDA from everyone anyway so that’s not something unique to you, I promise.”

“Alright,” Pepper says, and then, “You and Jim need to meet Holly.”

“I know,” Tony says. He had that thought himself, and Rhodey had brought it up when he called earlier so he’s not exactly surprised that that’s what Pepper wants to talk about. “I think it’s a good idea.”

Pepper breathes a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god. Holly and Jim are both in agreement, but I didn’t want to assume…”

“I’m in agreement too,” Tony reassures her. “You’re thinking of doing something when Rhodey gets in on Sunday?”

“Yes, sometime while he’s here,” Pepper says. “I don’t have the details worked out yet, but I’ll let you know when I do.”

“Okay.” Tony takes a deep breath and figures, what the hell, it needs to be said. “I think I need to meet Holly first.”

“Wait, what? Why?” Pepper asks. 

“Because between me and Rhodey, I’m going to be the problematic element,” Tony says, because he is self-aware enough to admit to that. “And don’t even try to argue with me, we both know that’s true. Holly probably has some pre-conceived idea of who I am. I can’t be the Big Bad Tony Stark, waiting to steal all your time and attention from Holly, and- and I’m gonna need a lot more time than Jim to get over my ideas of Holly as this unknown boogeyman waiting to come between us.” 

“So that means you have to meet them first?”

“If our initial meeting goes poorly, it needs to happen without Jim around,” Tony tells her. “You do not want whatever goes down influencing Jim’s opinion of them.”

Pepper sighs. “No, you’re right. I’m nervous about the two of you meeting, though. If things get heated, Jim could reign it in but…”

“But that’s not fair to him,” Tony points out. “And things won’t get heated. I’ve got this.”

"You don't know that, Tony," Pepper says. "I trust you, I really do, but your mouth sometimes runs ahead of your brain and then you say the dumbest things and make situations worse than they need to be. I'm used to it, Jim is used to it... but Holly isn't, and I want this to work. I really, really want this to work.”

Tony's a little hurt by that, but it's not like what Pepper's saying isn't true. "I can keep my mouth shut when I have to." Pepper raises an eyebrow and he protests, maybe a little too loudly, "I can! If it's for you, I'll play nice and do it. Besides," he continues, his lips quirking up in a smile. "I'm probably going to run into Holly during Stark Industries business eventually anyway, since you're acquiring their employer and all."

"Actually, you won't," Pepper says, to Tony's surprise. She quickly explains, "We've agreed that they're going to leave LC Tech before the acquisition is finalized. Technically, since they'd be employed with a subsidiary, there wouldn't be any code of conduct breach with regards to the relationship, but we don't want to risk it. And they don't have much love for LC Tech anyway."

"So, what, they're going to find another executive assistant position in the city then?" Tony asks. 

"They want to get back into Public Relations work, actually," Pepper says. "That's what their degree is in and that's what most of their employment history is. Lipscomb pulled them out of the PR department to give their job to his nephew- which honestly tells you a lot about how that company was being run..."

"Wait, they're a PR wrangler?" Tony interrupts.

The wheels are already turning in Tony's head and Pepper must realize what he's thinking because her immediate response is, "Tony, no..."

"Oh, come on, Pep!” Tony grins at her. "Look, they need a job, the Avengers needs a new PR person now that SHIELD is more-or-less defunct, it's the perfect solution!"

“You’ve been handling the Avengers’ PR just fine!”

“I have been barely keeping my head above water,” Tony corrects. “I can’t head Stark Industries R&D and co-lead the Avengers _and also_ keep handling all the PR issues. We need to bring someone else on. Why not someone who’s going to be tangentially involved with the team anyway?”

“Because I already have one relationship with too many blurred lines between our personal and professional lives, and I was hoping to avoid that in this one!”

“If you don’t want me to offer them the job, then I won’t,” Tony tells her. “But, look, we’re in agreement that it makes sense for me to meet Holly first?” Pepper nods. “Then I'll play nice, I promise I will, because surprisingly I'm invested in this working out for you too. I like you being happy, in case you haven't noticed, and it seems like Holly makes you happy. But if I also wanted to give them a job offer..." Tony shrugs. "What's the harm in that?"

"The harm is if they feel like they can't say no without upsetting me," Pepper says. "Tony, they're leaving LC Tech to get away from potential unpleasant power dynamics. I don't want them to feel pressured into taking a job with you."

"Technically it wouldn't be with me, it would be with the Avengers," Tony says. "I'll even have Steve sign off on any official documentation, so I'm as removed from the process as possible. But look at the advantages here: Holly gets a job doing what they want, for a high-profile group who can afford to pay them well, which isn't a position they're likely to find with their most recent job experience being an executive assistant. Holly gets to meet me so I'm not this unknown villain hanging over your relationship- and better yet, Holly and I will have regular, professional interactions so we can become more acquainted without feeling pressured to become best friends for your sake."

"And if you meet Holly and the two of you hate each other's guts?" Pepper asks, skeptical.

"If my first meeting with them doesn't go well I won't offer the job," Tony says. "And if things sour later, we can bring on a second PR person to divide up the work with anything pertaining to me handled by the other person, of course. But, Pepper, if things go downhill... wouldn't you rather it be after we tried to get along first, instead of never trying at all?"

Pepper groans in frustration and punches Tony lightly in the shoulder. "I hate when you talk sense like this," she complains.

“No you don’t,” Tony says in a sing-song voice. He pokes Pepper in the side, just to be extra obnoxious, and laughs when she swats his hand away. “So what do you say, Pep? Wanna let me meet your new partner first?”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Pepper asks dryly.

"Nah, you've always got a choice," Tony says. "Even if introducing me to Holly at the same time as Jim is _definitely_ a mistake.”

"You don't have to sell me so hard on this, Tony, I agree with you," Pepper says. "I'm nervous- very nervous, I'm not going to lie about that, but..." She takes a deep breath. "You're right. At least about meeting them first. I’m less convinced that offering them a job is a good idea, but I suppose the Avengers are free to hire whoever they want."

“I’ll chat with Cap about it all before I say anything to Holly,” Tony assures her. “If anything happens it will go through him.”

“And then I’ll still have to figure out how to divide my time between you and Holly,” Pepper says. “I don’t want either of you to feel like you’re being ignored, and I don’t want to put you in the awkward position of having to deal with a lot of PDA between Holly and I.”

"So don't put me in that position then," Tony says. "That can't be that hard, right?"

Pepper sighs. "Tony..."

“No, wait, hold up just one second, I’m being serious here,” Tony says. “You and I, we’re professional at work, right? Hell, half the time we don’t even eat lunch together. Figuring out visitation rights for you can’t be that hard.”

Pepper rolls her eyes at the jest, but she's still smiling a little so at least she knows it was intended as a joke. “And the rest of the time? When Holly isn’t _hypothetically_ -” Tony thinks that the amount of emphasis Pepper puts on that word is a little unnecessary. “-working in the same building as me. Outside of whatever passes as normal business hours for us. What do we do then?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Tony says firmly. “Look, you have an apartment here in the Tower, but you also have a second apartment in the city, right?” Pepper nods. “So how about… If you're in the Tower I'll assume it's okay to stop by, unless you or JARVIS tells me otherwise, and if you're out of the Tower I'll assume that you're busy." He pauses, and adds, "I'd like to keep Friday nights for us and Jim, though. If that's okay with you."

"Of course that's okay with me!" Pepper says. "Tony, I'm not just going to give you guys one night a week-"

Tony holds up his hand and Pepper falls quiet. "I don't want to micromanage our relationship like that," he says. His heart is beating in his chest and he’s terrified that this is too much, too soon after their conversation yesterday. But he trusts Pepper, and while he trusts her to know what's best for her... maybe she was right. Maybe it's time he started trusting himself as well. 

"I don't want you to feel like spending time with me is a chore that you have to check off your daily to-do list." Pepper opens her mouth to protest but Tony quickly cuts her off with, "I know, I know that's not how you mean this. But that's what it's going to turn into if you try to divide the days equally between Holly and me and schedule when you're going to spend time with us. You know that that's what's going to happen, Pep, you aren't an idiot."

"I just don't want to fuck this up," Pepper admits, sounding much smaller and more scared than Tony thinks he's ever heard her sound. "I want things to work out with Holly but you and Jim are important to me too, and I don't want to hurt any of you."

"Pepper, you are one of the toughest people I know- and I'm literally on a team of superheroes, so that's saying something," Tony says. "But you are never intentionally an asshole, and you're rarely even an unintentional asshole. You're going to spend so much time bending over backwards making sure that we aren't inconvenienced by this arrangement that you're going to make yourself miserable instead. And that's not what I want here."

"Then what else am I supposed to do?" Pepper asks. "How did you handle starting a relationship with me, when you already had one with Rhodey?"

Tony has to think about that because, honestly, he doesn't remember doing anything special. He kept Rhodey in the loop when he wasn’t around, of course, but he doesn’t remember how he divided his time between them when both Pepper and Rhodey were in town. Looking back it seems like the three of them came together as a triad so quickly that he almost doesn’t remember a time when it wasn’t like that.

“I think,” Tony says, a little hesitant and definitely not confident in this particular plan, but he doesn’t have anything else to suggest. “That you’re just going to have to trial-and-error this. If we have Friday nights, give one night to Holly that’s just theirs, every week. Just like our Fridays, give them a night that you're both going to keep open so you can spend time with each other. And then..." He shrugs. "You divide your time however it's convenient, however you want to divide it. And you..." He swallows. "You trust that we're gonna speak up if we're feeling like you're neglecting us."

Pepper is quiet for a long, long moment before saying, "I can trust you to do that." And the relief, the sheer relief that Tony feels when he hears Pepper say that, is nearly overwhelming. 

“Good. That’s- that’s good.” Tony clears his throat to stop himself from babbling. "Just keep me in the loop- you know what my calendar looks like, so scheduling something should be relatively easy."

“As long as your calendar doesn’t start mysteriously filling up with meetings again,” Pepper says dryly, and Tony winces even as he chuckles. 

“I’m not living that down any time soon, am I?” he asks.

It’s a mostly rhetorical question but Pepper answers anyway, as Tony knew she would. “Absolutely not,” Pepper tells him. “That’s going to live on in infamy for _years_. I will drag that into any conversation that I can. I can’t believe…” She shakes her head. “No. I know exactly why you thought that plan would work, which is why I’m never going to let you live this down.”

“In my defense, the plan _did_ work,” Tony points out. “Let’s not forget that part.”

Pepper gives him a scathing look. “In this case, Tony, the success of your plan isn’t exactly a point in your favor.”

That stings a little, but Tony knows it’s deserved and he’s more relieved that this is a thing that they’re apparently going to be able to joke about. It would have been unbearable if this had become a taboo subject between them. 

“In my defense…” is about as far as Tony gets, before he finds himself with a face full of pillow, courtesy of Pepper who lobbed a decorative throw towards his head. 

Tony gives her a disbelieving look and Pepper dissolves into a fit of giggles, just as Tony tackles her off the couch. Their combined laughter echoes around the penthouse living room, and for the first time in nearly two weeks Tony is so happy that his chest aches with it. 

 

**Now - May 2015 - Friday**

Steve, surprisingly, supports Tony’s half-cocked plan to make Holly the new Avengers PR person. Tony is torn between wanting to be insulted by Steve’s immediate support (because he’s been doing a fine job so far, thank you very much!), and just being insanely grateful that maybe, _hopefully_ , he can finally pass one of his jobs off to someone else. With Malibu R&D running smoothly under Tams’ direction, if he can hand over the PR stuff to someone else he might actually have time to take a vacation sometime in the next fourteen months. 

Even Pepper has more than tentatively approved the PR plan, now that she’s had a few days to think it over. But that relief does little to calm Tony’s nerves as he waits for Holly to arrive at the Tower. 

It’s late in the afternoon, late enough that Tony is finished with Stark Industries work for the day, and when this is done he has _very_ firm plans with Pepper for the rest of the night. Tony has to keep reminding himself of those plans as he paces back and forth in Pepper’s apartment after she leaves to meet Holly downstairs. Pepper won’t be sticking around for this first meeting after bringing Holly up here. Tony isn’t sure if her absence is going to make this situation better or worse, but it’s too late to change the plan now. 

“Is Holly here yet?” Tony asks JARVIS. The hand that’s holding a cup of coffee is shaking slightly with nerves. They have to be here by now, or else Pepper would have let him know that Holly was running late…

“Do you actually wish to know the answer to that, Sir?” JARVIS retorts. 

Tony scowls. Sometimes it’s really annoying how well his AI knows him. He wants to snap at JARVIS to tell him, just to be contrary, but instead he forces himself to take a deep breath and try to reign in his nerves. He can’t go into this meeting completely on-edge or he’ll doom it from the start. 

There’s a sudden knock on the door and Tony feels like he’s going to throw up. He’s not ready for this. He’s going to mess it up. He’s going to ruin everything for Pepper and she’s going to hate him and-

He nearly trips over his own feet trying to get to the door, his probably-cold coffee sloshing over the side of the mug and drenching his hand. _Fuck_. He pulls the door open, forcing a warm, polite smile on his face and hopes that Holly can’t tell that it’s just a little bit fake.

If Pepper is anywhere in the hallway still Tony doesn’t even register her presence. Holly is short, shorter than Tony and definitely shorter than Pepper, with dark skin and a bushy afro of hair. Compared to their pressed button-down shirt and crisp pencil skirt, Tony feels completely under-dressed in his ragged jeans and old band t-shirt. 

“Mr. Stark, it’s wonderful to meet you,” Holly says politely, offering their hand for a shake.

“I’ve been informed by Pepper that we’ve technically met before, though I’m afraid that I don’t remember,” Tony says and then immediately tries to backpedal, “I mean, that’s not a reflection on you, I’m not great at remembering anyone…” _God, fuck, shut up!_ His face twists in frustration, just for a second, before he says, “I’m sorry, I mean… It’s wonderful to meet you as well.”

This is going terribly. Tony sounds like a complete idiot and- shit, Holly is still standing there with their hand extended, polite smile still on their face as they wait for Tony to shake it. They probably think Tony is an _absolute asshole_. It’s probably too late for it to matter, but Tony finally reaches out to shake Holly’s hand… just as Holly starts to pull their hand back. 

There’s a moment of awkward fumbling, where Holly sticks their hand back out and Tony shifts and someone hits the side of Tony’s coffee cup, causing it to drop from Tony’s hand. He can see the path it’s taking, knows it will land directly on Holly’s feet. Tony fumbles for it, trying to catch it before it can ruin Holly’s shoes… and knocks it square into Holly’s body. 

“Oh, fuck!” Tony yelps as it dumps _thankfully_ cold coffee all over Holly’s pristine clothes, before hitting the floor and shattering. 

Quieter, but not quite under their breath, Holly swears, “ _Shit!_ ”

“Sorry, sorry, sorry- oh my god, I’m so sorry.” Tony knows that he’s babbling and his hands hovering between them like he’s not sure if he should be doing something with them at the moment, but his brain has stalled out and he can’t string enough brain cells together to think of what else he needs to be doing. “Do you need- I could get- I can buy you a new outfit?”

Holly is just staring at him with a flat, unreadable look. “Are you serious?”

It’s official: He has absolutely ruined everything. “I am so sorry,” he apologizes again, and he knows he sounds as miserable as he feels. “Yes, I’m serious, I ruined your outfit and I’ll pay to replace it.” He scrubs at his face and mutters, “God, I’ve fucked everything up, haven’t I? Pepper’s going to kill me.”

The first giggle catches him completely off-guard and he stares at Holly, a little slack-jawed and a lot incredulous, as they keeping giggling. 

“S-sorry!” they manage to gasp out between fits of laughter. “B-but Pepper! And _her face_ , if she saw…”

And just like that, Tony knows what’s so funny because he can see it perfectly: Pepper, hands on her hips, staring down the both of them, because there's no way Holly would escape the inevitable disappointed _You two couldn't handle this like adults, really?_ lecture from her. Tony knows how he would argue his case, and the mental image of him and Holly talking over each other, both of them trying to explain their side of events, manages to win a snort of amusement from Tony. 

“Pepper would be losing her goddamned mind if she could see us right now,” Tony says fondly and Holly just giggles harder and nods in agreement. 

“I can’t believe- I was so nervous to meet you!” Holly says, once they stop laughing quite so much. “But you’re just- you’re-”

"I'd try to fill in that adjective for you, but with the laughter I'm not sure what you're going for here," Tony says, and then he realizes how that must sound and winces. "Sorry. That was uncalled for."

"You aren't as intimidating as I was expecting you to be," Holly explains. "I thought you'd be..." They wave their hand, as if that’s supposed to describe anything. "But you're not."

"I... have no idea how to take that," Tony admits. "What were you expecting- No, wait, don't actually answer that. I can probably guess."

"Sorry," Holly apologizes, and they actually seem to mean it.

Tony shrugs. This meeting hasn’t gone at all how he thought it would, and he’s more than a little turned around. "Don't be. I get that all the time. Though, for the record, I have no idea what to do now that I've fucked this up." He hopes, he really hopes, that Holly doesn’t hate him completely but he knows that he hasn’t done well so far.

Holly takes a deep breath and then clears their throat. “Hi,” they say, holding out a hand again. “My name is Holly Graves, and I might have messed this up as well. Pepper told me to be myself, but…” They shrug. “Easier said than done.”

Tony studies them for a moment, sizing them up and wondering what angle they’re going for here. A complete reset, forget about the last ten minutes? Offering forgiveness for Tony’s mistakes so far? Whatever Holly is going for, Tony thinks they’re being sincere. “Isn’t that just the truth?” he says at last and, carefully, reaches out to shake Holly’s hand. “Hi. I’m Tony Stark and Pepper never tells me to be myself because that usually doesn’t end well for me. But since we’re both in relationships Pepper now, maybe I can give it a shot.”

Holly’s handshake is surprisingly firm and they give a tentative, but seemingly genuine, smile. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing here," they admit. "I don't... Well, I've never done this before."

"That makes two of us, at least," Tony says. “I think… I think we’re just supposed to talk? Usually Pepper doesn’t like me running my mouth to people, but…” He shrugs. “You’re dating her, so you’re going to have to get used to my mouth at some point.” He immediately makes a face and says, “That… didn’t come out quite right.”

“I think I know what you mean,” Holly says, though it looks like they’re trying to hold back another round of giggles. "Can I ask you something, Mr. Stark?"

Tony makes another face. "Please call me Tony. This isn't a business meeting."

"It would probably be easier if this was a business meeting, though," Holly says. "Those, at least, I know how to handle."

"I can offer you a job if that would make this less awkward?" Tony offers. 

Holly blinks at him and Tony wants to beat his head against the nearest goddamned wall. Why does he always do shit like this, say the wrong thing at the wrong time? Just when it looked like he could salvage this meeting he has to go and offer them the job, making it seem like he’s trying to buy them off!

"What?" Holly says, disbelieving. 

Tony mutters a curse under his breath. "Fuck. Okay, for the record I wasn't supposed to say anything, Cap was going to handle all of this so I was as removed from the process as possible-"

"Are you serious?" Holly asks, for the second time since knocking on the door. Shit, shit, _shit-_

"Absolutely," Tony says, trying to put all the honesty that he can into his words. "Look, do you actually want to come inside, maybe sit down while we talk? I don't think Pepper would mind if you borrowed some of her clothes too, if you wanted to get out of the ones dripping with coffee." They are, after all, still standing in a semi-public hallway inside Avengers Tower. 

“Yes, thank you,” Holly says, and Tony steps aside to let them in. He wonders if they’re naturally that polite or if it’s a charade they put on.

“Pepper’s bedroom is…” Tony cuts himself off and clears his throat awkwardly. “Sorry. You’ve been here before, you probably know where it is.”

“I do, although not for the reasons you think,” Holly says, already heading off into the apartment. Tony wants to shout after them that he knows they haven’t slept with Pepper yet- seriously, why does everyone think Pepper would cheat on him?- but decides against it at the last minute.

It’s only a matter of minutes anyway before Holly returns to the living room, this time wearing a pair of too-long jeans and a familiar sweatshirt. “What was that you were saying about a job offer?” they say as they take a seat on the couch, across from the armchair where Tony is sitting.

“Pepper told me your field of expertise is actually Public Relations and, as it just so happens, the Avengers are looking for someone to handle that for us,” Tony explains. He doesn’t mention that he’s been doing that stuff for the last year; no need to make this more complicated than it already is. “If we didn’t tear each other’s throats out during this meeting I was going to have Steve- Captain America- extend a job offer to you.”

Holly looks more thoughtful now and Tony lets himself breathe a very tentative sigh of relief. “I don’t need an answer now, obviously,” he continues. “Like I said I wasn’t even supposed to say anything to you about this, so we can just pretend that I didn’t-”

Holly cuts him off with, “I want the job. Pending a discussion of salary and benefits, of course.”

“Of course,” Tony says automatically. Then their words actually catch up with him and he grins at them, and asks, “Wait, really?”

They shrug. “It’s a good position. As of this morning I’m out of work and my PR experience is a few years old by now. There’s not going to be a better position than this, and… Well, I could work with you. If you can work with me.”

“I think I can do that,” Tony says. He’s still grinning and Holly can’t hold back a smile of their own. 

Conversation seems to come a little bit easier after that, and Tony finds himself slowly relaxing the more time that passes. Things almost go sideways when Holly asks, “How did you and Pepper start your relationship?” because there’s absolutely no way to tell that full story without Tony looking like a complete ass for large sections of it. And, later, when Holly had made a comment about taking Pepper on a date and Tony couldn’t quite stop himself from wrinkling his nose in time. _That_ had earned him an icy glare, but thankfully no comments and the uncomfortable moment soon passes. 

“Pepper didn’t even tell me who you were, you know,” Holly says after some time. “I think she thought I’d be too anxious, if I knew I was meeting Tony Stark.”

Tony snorts. That does sound like Pepper. “You can’t tell me,” he says, “that you weren’t expecting this though.”

“Oh, no, I absolute was, and I was nervous wreck anyway,” Holly says. “Can I ask you a question, though? Since Pepper gave me all this information but with no names attached to any of it.”

Tony remembers Pepper saying that she had told Holly that one of her partners was aromantic and wants to sigh. Of course. Holly is going to want answers about that. “Yes, I’m the aromantic one. If that’s what you were going to ask,” he says.

“Actually, no,” Holly says, to his immense surprise. “Although thank you for telling me that. It’s… Well, it’s good to know, so if you’re around I know not to…” They clear their throat, a little awkwardly. “Well. What I really wanted to ask was: Who is Pepper’s other partner?”

That question actually makes much more sense. “Colonel James Rhodes, U.S. Air Force,” Tony tells them, and waits for them to put the pieces together. 

It doesn’t take long. “ _War Machine_?” they ask, incredulous. 

Tony nods, chuckling, although his humor fades quickly at the look of dismay on Holly’s face. “What’s wrong?” he asks. Holly buries their face in their hands and Tony is immediately alarmed. “Oh, god, was it something I said-?”

Holly shakes their head but they also don’t look up and Tony has no idea what to make out of any of this. “Pepper’s dating _superheroes_.” Their voice is so muffled by their hands that Tony almost doesn’t catch their words. “Pepper’s dating _Iron Man_ and _War Machine_ and I’m just…”

Tony doesn’t catch the end of the sentence, if there even was an end to it at all, but he doesn’t need to hear whatever may or may not have been said to recognize the emotion behind it. It’s the same sort of feeling of inferiority that Tony was drowning in just last week. It almost makes Tony want to laugh, the realization that Holly is apparently just as insecure as he was, but he knows that this situation isn’t particularly amusing.

“You’re just someone that Pepper feels is worth her time,” Tony says, trying to be gentle without being patronizing. “And actually, you’re the first. The only one, so far, and if your relationship works out you’ll be the only one, period. That has to count for something, right? That Pepper went five years of just me and Rhodey, but she’s chosen to date you now too.”

Holly takes a deep breath- it’s shaky, but Tony isn’t going to call them out on it- and sits back up. They wipe at their eyes and nod, saying, “That does count for something.”

And that appears to be that. 

Tony wonders if maybe Holly hated him as much as he hated the idea of them two weeks ago. He wonders if they fought with Pepper less because of any aphobia but because the idea of starting a relationship with someone who already had two partners was terrifying. He wonders if he should say something about his own insecurities, try to find that common ground with them… but it’s probably not his place. Holly is a nice person, sweet but he can already tell that they’re not a pushover, but there are boundaries here that he knows he has to respect.

Still, he likes them. And he will absolutely be putting in a good word for them with Cap and the rest of the team.

By the time there’s a tentative knock on the door and Pepper pokes her head inside, Tony is almost falling off his chair laughing at some joke that Holly had made. “I take it this went well,” Pepper says, sounding both surprised and a little cautious.

“Very well,” Holly says, smiling at Pepper. Tony, somehow, manages not to flinch at the look the two of them exchange. The worst part of the romance-repulsion has always been having to micromanage his reactions for the sake of the people around him. 

“Holly said they’re going to take the job!” Tony tells Pepper.

“Pending a discussion-”

“-of salary and benefits, yes, I remember,” Tony finishes for Holly. “But, honestly, it’s the _Avengers_. Who are bankrolled by me. I think you’ll find our salary and benefits very competitive.”

“I would certainly hope so,” Holly says.

Tony laughs, and Pepper is smiling and shaking her head, and there’s no awkwardness with Holly being there too. When Holly stands up to excuse themself Tony stands as well. “It was great to meet you,” Tony says. “I hope you’re ready to meet Rhodey, and the rest of the Avengers. I’ll have Pepper pass along any interview information to you.”

“That would be great,” Holly says. “And it was wonderful meeting you, Tony.” And, to his surprise, they lean up on their tiptoes to kiss each of his cheeks in goodbye.

“I like them, JARVIS,” Tony says, once Pepper walks with Holly back down to the lobby. “I actually really like them.” It’s surprising, and a little overwhelming, to be in this position: Pepper with a new partner, Tony _liking_ them and more importantly Tony still with Pepper and still with Rhodey. The three of them got through this in one piece and Tony is a little amazed at that. 

Maybe he doesn’t actually ruin everything good in his life.

“I think everyone will be relieved to hear that, Sir,” JARVIS says. Tony grins up at one of the cameras and goes to dig out Pepper’s collection of takeout menus. He’s starving, and it’s time for his Friday night with Pepper, and in a few days Rhodey will be back in town as well. There’s no pit in his stomach, no fear twisting his thoughts. Just the reassuring knowledge that everything is as it should be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Epilogue**

**Now - May 2015 -Sunday**

The Avengers have the strangest recruiting process that Holly has ever gone through. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that the Avengers have no official recruiting process whatsoever. That is, after all, more or less what Captain America told them when they met him for their first interview the previous day.

“I’ve never done this before, so I apologize if this isn’t up to your usual standards,” he had said, with a smile that was exactly as All-American wholesome as Holly would have expected. “Our last recruit joined us on the ground in D.C. but I don’t think taking down Hydra agents is necessarily a required skill for a PR position.”

Holly thinks that was supposed to be a joke, and had answered with, “Unfortunately my resume doesn’t include any skills useful for incapacitating members of a worldwide Nazi organization, but I’d be more than happy to discuss my past Public Relations experience with you instead.” 

(If there’s one thing Holly has gotten good at over the past several years of working under Lipscomb’s erratic management it’s keeping their head in almost any situation. They’re pretty sure that skill is going to serve them well, if they get this position with the Avengers.)

At the end of the interview Steve Rogers had offered them the job on the spot. “Quite frankly, Ms. Graves, you seem more than qualified for the position and I would prefer not to go through the nightmare that would be an attempt at open hiring. The job is yours if you want it.”

And, god, does Holly want it. Not just for the salary and benefits (which are more than fair and certainly competitive) but for the pride of being able to work for the _Avengers_. For the proximity to Pepper. For the chance to work for relatively sane bosses who are actually making a difference with their jobs. For the sheer fact that they would have to be crazy to turn down a job opportunity like this. 

Some of their earlier reservations come back, however, when they return to the Tower to sign their paperwork and to meet the rest of the team… all of whom seem determined to prove that they’d be the worst people Holly could ever work with. 

If you had asked Holly a week ago to describe the Avengers in one word, they might have chosen something like heroic, incredible, inspiring. One of those flashy adjectives from the headlines, a media favorite that might get a few eye-rolls but somehow still rings true regardless. Or maybe something like destructive or reckless, muttered under their breath as their day is thrown off-kilter by some new battle somewhere in the world.

One word they never would have thought to use would be _normal_. The Avengers weren’t _normal_ \- they were larger-than-life, outstanding, amazing… but not _normal_.

Now, standing in one of the common rooms in Avengers Tower with nearly all of the members of the team… Well, Holly still isn’t sure that they would call them _normal_ (they’re talking to a super soldier and a demigod, after all) but they do think that it might not be far off from the truth.

Steve Rogers is just as charming as the press portrays him and as friendly as he had been when Holly met him for a one-on-one interview the day before. Holly had thought that it was an act at first, but now they’re not so sure. Maybe Captain America really is that nice, that sweet and smiley all the time. It’s a disconcerting thought.

It’s Steve who introduces them to the rest of the team, all of whom make it abundantly clear that they’re going to present unique challenges to Holly in their new role. There’s Dr. Banner, who is quiet and polite but has the misfortune of having an alter-ego who is one of the least trusted Avengers. The Black Widow (who Holly is terrified of calling by her first name) was calm and collected down in D.C. but had also directly helped cause that nightmare, which makes her a bit of a loose cannon in Holly’s books.

Sam Wilson greets them with a wide grin and a comment about being glad that he won’t be the newest person in the Tower anymore. “Still the newest person on the team, though,” Natasha immediately retorts, and the look Sam gives her is absolutely scathing. Holly has to hide a laugh and, privately, they think they’re going to like Sam. He’s still an unknown quantity, at least when it comes to their job, but they like him anyway.

Clint is also an unknown quantity, never in the spotlight or making major headlines or even posting dumb shit online. Thor is equally difficult to figure out. From all accounts he isn’t on Earth all the time, but it’s quickly apparent that when he is around it’s all but impossible to ignore him.

“Lady Graves! I was delighted to hear of your future employment with us! I look forward to exchanging tales of mighty deeds and great valor with you!” Thor booms upon meeting Holly, before sweeping them up and kissing both their cheeks in greeting while Holly was still trying not to wince at his loudly proclaimed _Lady_. “In fact, I shall tell you of my recent voyage to that most Grand of Canyons in your state of Arizona-”

“When the fuck did you go to the Grand Canyon?” Clint demands to know and Thor is all too happy to tell the story to him instead.

“I see you managed to dodge one of Thor’s attempts at conversation,” Tony says, appearing out of nowhere to stand next to Holly.

“Is he always like that, then?” Holly asks and hopes they don’t look as startled by Tony’s sudden arrival as they feel.

Tony shrugs. “I think he likes to throw us off our game by pretending to be as alien as possible. But sometimes he slips up and he almost seems normal, so who actually knows.”

Holly already knows that they like Tony. For all that the media tries to demonize him, he can be just as kind and sincere and thoughtful as Captain America himself. He can also be, from Pepper’s warnings at least, scatterbrained and stubborn and moody so Holly isn’t quite sure what it will be like to spin up good publicity for him. Holly probably knows more about him than any of the other Avengers and yet he makes them the most nervous.

“Anyway,” Tony continues, “Pepper will be up here soon, she’s picking up your employment paperwork from the Stark Industries lawyers. We don’t usually like to mix the businesses, but,” he shrugs, “we all thought it was a good idea to get legal to double-check everything before it was signed.”

Holly is relieved to hear that. They’re excited about the job, absolutely, but there’s an understandable amount of nervousness at being the first civilian hire of the Avengers. Not to mention just how quickly everything is coming together. They’ve done Public Relations work in the past but so much of this particular job is still speculation. It’s reassuring to at least know that their employment paperwork will be on the up and up.

“Will Colonel Rhodes be joining us too?” Holly asks. He’s the last one that they have to meet and, arguably, the most important. Pepper had already told them that Rhodes has no objection to their relationship, but until he actually meets Holly they won’t stop worrying.

“He’s supposed to be, but the damn idiot got held up so who the fuck knows when he’ll be arriving. Someone-” Tony’s eyes pointedly flick towards the ceiling. “-is refusing to tell me Rhodey’s ETA.”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but Colonel Rhodes wishes his arrival to be a surprise,” JARVIS says. Holly jumps at the sudden disembodied voice speaking and Tony laughs.

“Guess you weren’t introduced to everyone after all,” he says. “This is JARVIS, he’s-”

“-the AI that runs the Tower,” Holly cuts in. Now everything makes a little more sense. “Pepper had told me, but I didn’t think…” They hadn’t known what to expect from the AI, but a British voice coming out of hidden speakers hadn’t quite been it.

“My apologies for startling you, Ms. Graves. I should have introduced myself sooner,” JARVIS says.

“That’s alright. I’m glad to finally meet you now,” Holly says. They’re pretty sure this counts as meeting the AI, since it isn’t like there’s a body with a hand for them to shake instead. “Although, please, don’t call me Ms. Graves. Just Holly is fine.”

“Very well, Holly,” JARVIS replies.

“He’s programmed to call people whatever they want to be called,” Tony says, in a voice that’s just a little too suspiciously nonchalant.

Holly sighs. “I know Pepper told you about my pronouns. You don’t have to be coy.”

It had been a split-second decision to tell Pepper to use they/them pronouns when talking about Holly to her partners. It’s a decision that they don’t necessarily regret, but they also never expected to get a job offer from the _Avengers_ , let alone accept the offer. Now they’re stuck, unsure of whether to come out to her new employers and uncomfortable with Tony dancing around it at the same time.

“The team doesn’t know,” Tony tells them, his voice a little quieter. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not,” Holly says. They don’t know if it’s a lie or not. Are they worried about the team knowing? Pepper had said that Tony’s aromanticism wasn’t a secret but even if they don’t have a problem with that that doesn’t mean they’re be fine with Holly. Some days Holly is still shocked that they have yet to see transmisogyny from Pepper; asking for the same from eight other people seems impossible.

“Alright,” Tony says. “Though, for the record, I think you should tell the team. It’ll make working for us a hell of a lot better for you if you’re not being misgendered at every turn.”

Holly shrugs, just a little dip of their shoulders, and says, “Maybe.”

Or maybe it won’t, if the Avengers aren’t as fine with it as Tony thinks they would be, or if someone slips up and they’re outed to others by accident, or if…

There are too many possibilities, too many things that could happen, and Holly can’t let themself hope that this time will be different. It’s a little sad, but they’re used to being misgendered in the workplace. They can deal with that. They’re not sure they could deal with anything else. 

Tony has a pinched look on his face, like he somehow knows everything that Holly will never say aloud. They brace themself for the inevitable second attempt at getting them to come out, but before Tony can say anything their conversation is interrupted by Clint calling out, “So when are we making this shit official again?”

“Why, you have somewhere else to be?” Tony asks, his attention diverted away from Holly who breathes a very small sigh of relief- at least until he continues with, “Pepper will be up with the paperwork shortly. Which I guess makes this your last chance to voice an opinion. Speak now and forever hold your peace, or whatever.”

“Marriage metaphors?” Natasha raises an eyebrow. “Really, Tony?”

“No.” Tony points a finger at her. “No. Stop it. We are not having a repeat of what happened with Barton’s dumb jokes in the kitchen that night-”

“You mean the night you freaked out on us and-”

“I was under a lot of stress, thank you very much!” Tony says loudly. 

“And we weren’t exactly acting honorably ourselves,” Thor grumbles, with a pointed look in Clint’s direction. 

“Don’t put this on me!” Clint says. “It’s the same fucking joke I’ve made a thousand times before, how was I supposed to know that Stark’s romance-repulsed ass would take offense that time?”

It catches Holly off-guard, hearing Tony’s aromanticism referenced so casually and in what is clearly supposed to be a well-intentioned joke. They don’t have the context to completely follow what the Avengers are talking about but they know the team’s comments are not meant maliciously and that’s surprising. Maybe it shouldn’t be- after all, both Tony and Pepper have been assuring Holly that the Avengers are very open-minded and accepting- but somehow it still shocks them to hear the team of superheroes making jokes referencing minority identities without poking fun at them.

“At least he didn’t punch you in the face,” Bruce points out. He’s trying to hide his smile, and completely failing at it.

Clint rolls his eyes. “Oh fuck you, Banner, that wasn’t my fault either!”

“It wasn’t,” Steve agrees. “It was mine, and I deserved it.”

“Wait, hold on,” Sam says, choking on a laugh. “Are you seriously saying that you…?”

“Word of advice, don’t punch Captain America,” Clint says. “Because either he doesn’t deserve it and you’ll feel like an ass, or he’ll immediately admit that he fucked up and deserved to be punched but be so damn _apologetic_ about it that you’ll still feel like an ass.”

Holly has absolutely no idea what they’re talking about but they’re intrigued- who wouldn’t be, by some mysterious story of Hawkeye punching Captain America in the face? Apparently Sam is intrigued as well and they’re grateful when he asks for an explanation, so they don’t need to speak up instead. But their curiosity quickly turns to suspicion when, instead of answering Sam’s question, everyone just glances at Clint, their glances unsure and questioning.

Sam groans and rolls his eyes, a little too theatrical to be completely serious, but it’s obvious he’s been in this position before because he complains, “Seriously, we’re doing this again? Clint, are you aro as well?”

“What? No! Oh my god, _no_!” Clint protests immediately but Holly doesn’t miss the way Tony’s eyes narrow, go calculating and thoughtful at Clint’s words. Whatever is going on there isn’t their problem but years of working under a controlling and unpredictable boss have taught them to notice the little things, even if it doesn’t concern them.

Clint shakes his head one more time and then says, “Look, it’s not like I keep this a fucking secret, so it’s gonna come out eventually if I tell you now or not.” He glances over at Holly. “Tell _both_ of you. Since if this hits the news you’re gonna have a shitshow to manage.”

Holly can’t even begin to imagine what this could be about. Not all of his information hit the web with the SHIELD leak- they suspect quick thinking on Tony’s part to thank for that, though no one can prove it- but enough did that anything new being revealed shouldn’t cause a massive scandal. So what on earth…?

“I’m trans,” Clint says and Holly’s heart stops.

“Like I said, I don’t hide it,” Clint continues. He’s so casual about this, talking about it so easily, like there’s no doubt in his mind that Holly and Sam will be okay with this- but Holly recognizes the act for what it is. There’s a tightness around his eyes, a stubborn set to his jaw, that belies his calm demeanor. 

Holly has always protected themself by hiding, by not telling those except the absolute few they know they can trust. It’s a decision they will never regret and have no plans of changing, even as they watch Clint take the complete opposite path. If Holly’s pride in their identity is quiet, private, Clint makes his loud and unable to be ignored, an armor of an entirely different sort. 

“When Steve found out he misspoke and, well...” Clint’s grin is bright and sharp, too much teeth to be genuine. “You know now how that went.” It’s a thinly-veiled threat against Holly or Sam saying something they’ll immediately regret. 

“Hey, man, I have no problems with that,” Sam says. “We’re cool but, uh- thanks for telling me?” He shakes his head and, with a snort of laughter, adds, “Does anyone here actually manage to keep secrets about anything, or does every conversation basically go like this?”

“Well, technically not every conversation,” Bruce says. “But, probably quite a few.”

“Hazard of working with spies,” Clint tells him. “Not gonna apologize for it.”

“Even I know better than to expect you too,” Sam says and Clint just grins at him. It’s a little more sincere this time. “Anyone else have anything to share?”

“Hill is working downstairs for Stark Industries,” Natasha says out of nowhere and Tony curses, loud and long. “What? That wasn’t really a secret, was it? She’s still being investigated by every agency in the country, did you really think we wouldn’t know that she’s here?”

“She’s _supposed_ to be keeping a low profile and staying away from the Avengers to help her image,” Tony says with a long-suffering sigh. “Fuck. Please tell me you’re not getting coffee with her or something.”

“Of course not,” Natasha says scathingly, as if she can’t believe Tony would suggest something so stupid. “Although, if this ever does blow over, we could use her…”

“Maybe let’s get through one employment contract signing before we think about another,” Steve interrupts gently. 

Everyone’s attention is immediately back on Holly and it isn’t until they sees Clint’s face lose all traces of amusement that they realize they never gave a response to Clint’s coming-out. They have to say something, even a simple _I have no problem with that either_ would suffice, but now that they know that one of the Avengers is trans that changes things. That changes _everything_ , because if Tony and Pepper weren’t just speculating about the team being accepting…

“I, ah, I suppose I have something to share too,” Holly says, and they purposefully lock eyes with Clint as they say, “I’m also trans.”

Clint lets out a loud, excited whoop, his eyes wide with surprise but that wide, genuine grin back on his face. His reaction overshadows what anyone else’s might have been, but as Holly looks around at them none of them seem disgusted or angry and they feel as if a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. 

“Do I want to know what Clint did now?” A new, but familiar, voice asks from the doorway, and Holly turns to see Pepper standing there, a file folder in her hands and a fondly amused smile on her face. 

“Holly came out to the team and Clint’s losing his mind,” Tony explains.

Pepper’s eyes widen, but when she looks over at Holly there’s only happiness on her face. “Oh, I was hoping they’d do that.”

“They?” Thor repeats, curious. 

“I hadn’t gotten to that point yet but- yes. They pronouns, please,” Holly says. “At least- at least in private. She/her everywhere else.” And their fear isn’t entirely gone, because one slip-up to the wrong person would be enough for Holly to be outed, but everyone on the team is nodding as if this is the easiest thing in the world to agree to. Holly reminds themself that both Pepper and Tony vouched for this group of people, and they trust that neither would mislead them. Especially not Pepper. 

“Of course,” Natasha says with a nod, her face so serious that it almost looks like she’s gearing up for a new mission. Holly doesn’t know if that’s encouraging or not. 

One by one the other Avengers also murmur in agreement, ending with Thor who loudly proclaims, “Aye! It shall be done!”

“Well then.” Pepper sets her folder down on the table, flips it open, and starts pulling out paperwork. “If that’s that, and if no one has any objections, I think it’s time to get this contract signed.”

Tony sighs, overly-dramatic, and says, “Pepper, Pepper, Pepper, always ruining our fun with _paperwork_.” But he’s smiling too, and his eyes are soft when he looks at Pepper. Holly knows that would have bothered them before, someone else looking at their girlfriend like that, but instead it makes Holly happy to know that Pepper’s other partners also care about her deeply, even if their relationship isn’t romantic. 

“Well, someone has to, and in this case I think it’s warranted,” Pepper says. She pulls out a pen and holds it out to Steve. “Sign here, and here, and…”

Holly has never worked anywhere that required a formal employment contract and they’re surprised by how many forms there are to sign. Non-disclosure agreements, terms of employment, healthcare information, tax forms… It seems never-ending but after only a few minutes their signature is on everything, Steve’s own name in crisp cursive next to theirs on the employment contract itself. 

And then that’s it. Holly is, officially, the first civilian hire of the Avengers Initiative.

Pepper picks up the paperwork and organizes it neatly back in the folder, before handing it over to Tony. “I’ll get this scanned into our digital team files, and keep the originals in the safe in the workshop,” he says. “And I’ll get you setup with network access so you can start reviewing the necessary documents. We need to make a proper announcement about Falcon at some point, but you might want to start with the reports from our last mission instead. We still have some stray news outlets bitching about wanting a proper explanation.”

“As if you can properly explain werewolves,” Clint mutters under his breath. 

“ _Werewolves?_ ” Pepper echoes, and she turns to level a glare at Tony. “You said it was just magic nonsense!”

Tony winces. “Well, werewolves are basically magic…”

“I think I’m glad I missed that one,” Sam says to Steve.

“Me too.”

The unfamiliar voice catches Holly by surprise and they jump a little, turning towards the door to see someone new walking into the room. It takes them a minute to recognize Colonel James Rhodes, but when they do their anxiety spikes. 

This is it. Their last obstacle of the day. 

Tony, obviously, has no such panic about seeing Rhodes suddenly appear. “You fucker!” he all but yells, storming across the room, the brewing argument between him and Pepper effectively ended. “Telling JARVIS not to give me updates on your arrival, what the _fuck-_ ”

Rhodes, laughing, just pulls Tony into a tight hug. “That’s because it’s too much fun to rile you up,” he teases. 

“Fucker,” Tony mutters, but everyone can see the way he relaxes into the hug. “You missed the paperwork signing, you know. First Avengers’ hire and you, technically an Avenger, not even here…”

“Man, I have no idea why I missed you,” Rhodes says, giving Tony a playful shove away. 

“Because I’m irresistable,” Tony tells him. “And your favorite.”

Rhodes just shakes his head and looks across the room, his eyes finding Pepper first and then landing on Holly. Their heart skips a beat in fear and it’s only years of working in the high-stress environment that was Lipscomb’s offices that keep them from outright shaking. 

The other Avengers politely, but not so subtly, retreat to the far side of the room to talk amongst themselves to give Pepper, Rhodes, Tony, and Holly at least the illusion of privacy. Rhodes crosses the room to where Pepper and Holly are standing and, with a warm smile, holds out his hand to Holly. “I take it you’re Holly, then? I’m glad I finally get the chance to meet you.”

Pepper’s solid presence at Holly’s side is an absolute blessing as they reach out and shake Rhodes’ hand. “It’s nice to meet you too,” they say, and they find that they mean it. “Pepper told me that you aren’t in New York often, so I’m glad the timing for this worked out.”

“I would’ve found a way to come back here even if I didn’t have leave coming up,” Rhodes says. “Not everyday Pepper goes and falls in love with someone new.”

Holly’s heart skips a beat at Rhodes casually describing what happened as _falling in love_ and glances over at Pepper, who’s bright red with embarrassment. “Oh my god, cut it out, Jim,” Pepper hisses at him. 

Holly smiles at Pepper and reaches down to take her hand, squeezing it gently. Pepper smiles back at her, and Holly turns back to Rhodes and simply says, “Well, I’m lucky that she did.”

Rhodes tries, and fails, to hide a grin of his own but Tony doesn’t even try to disguise his amused smirk. “You three are absolutely disgusting, I can’t believe I’m caught up in this nonsense,” he says, but it comes out sounding fond.

Rhodes wraps an arm around Tony again and plants a loud, messy kiss on the side of his face. Tony grimaces but doesn’t try to push him away, and Holly wonders at how easily the three of them must be able to read each other to be able to tell when Tony will allow contact like that or not. “Get in here, Pepper, I haven’t seen you in months and I will not be ignored,” Rhodes says with mock sternness and, laughing, Pepper steps forward to join their hug. 

She doesn’t let go of Holly’s hand, though, one arm stretched out behind her to maintain that contact. Holly’s smile doesn’t dim at the sight of the three of them together, not even when Rhodes gives Pepper a kiss on the cheek as well, because when they finally break apart Pepper steps back to Holly’s side, still holding onto their hand. 

For the first time Holly isn’t worried about either Tony or Rhodes objecting to their relationship with Pepper, or thinking of the thousand ways this could end poorly for all parties involved. For the first time Holly doesn’t see this as a two-against-one situation, no concern about making sure their voice is heard, no fear that they’re competing with something that they can’t compare with. 

For the first time Holly knows that these relationships, despite its quirks and idiosyncrasies, are all going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted the first aro!Tony fic last year for Aggressively Arospec Week '16. I never intended for it to turn into an entire series and I never could have imagined all of the love and support you guys would have for these stories. So thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has read, commented, and/or left kudos! I wouldn't have kept writing these if it wasn't for you guys!
> 
> And this isn't the end of the series either! The next story will hopefully be posted by the end of the summer and will be focused on primarily on Clint (with appearances from Tony and Natasha, of course)! So keep an eye out for that and/or subscribe to the series to get notified when it's posted! And if you have any prompts for this series feel free to leave a comment here or drop me a message over at tumblr (@willowenigma)!
> 
> Thank you again for reading and for supporting this series over the last year! You guys are the best!


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